» Accidentally Erotic

As a teenager......
...I used to go to a hairdressers run by a slightly portly girl in her early 30's. Not a great deal to look at but god had granted her with the largest chest my young and horny eyes had ever come across. They used to brush against my shoulder as she cut my hair and I could look down her top as she cut the front. The beauty of it being a hairdressers was that my growing excitement was always hidden by the massive gown they put over you to stop the hair getting on your clothes.
I'd go for haircuts as often as possible, even if I quite obviously didn't really need one.

Thinking about it I'm quite ashamed as it's exceptionally perverted.

I'm also bald now. So there's karma for you.
(Thu 2nd Feb 2006, 13:59, More)

» Heckles

I went to....
...watch Hole in Manchester in the mid nineties on the tour after Kurt Cobain had off'd himself. During a quiet bit Courtney Love was trying to get the crowd to agree to burn all of their Pearl Jam and Soundgarden albums in exchange for her singing a cover of Penny Royal Tea. I chose this moment to tell her, in a very loud voice, to 'Fuck Off and dig Kurt up you talentless bitch'.

The silence was deadening.
(Thu 6th Apr 2006, 17:41, More)

» * PFFT *

The 'Incident'.
About 3 years ago the missus and I decided to take the kids over to France for a holiday in the summer.

The night before we stopped over in Folkestone before heading off in the morning to use the chunnel in the car. A night of drinking commenced for me and the missus and I had decidedly dodgy guts in the morning. In what has since been known as the 'Incident' I decided to pinch out an SBD about half way to france. Words couldn't describe the stench. We all piled out of the car but, if you've ever used the chunnel' you'd know, you're trapped in a 3 car compartment with only tiny doorways between. The smell started to fill the train carriage and I swear that people in other cars were starting to turn green.

The stench permiated everything in the car. I was proud. We haven't spoken about it since. :)
(Fri 13th Jul 2007, 14:31, More)

» Conned

Spanish Steps - Rome.
It was coming to the end of a long day of sight seeing around Rome and I was tired and had had a few beers. The missus and I are making our way down the spanish steps when two likely Italian rogues start shouting 'Hey Eeeeengleeshh' 'David Beckham' and make their way over to us. Fuck knows why and how but the next thing I know I'm wearing a friendship bracelet and having to pay a fiver for the fucking priviledge. Usually I'd have kicked off but a combination of tiredness and a foreign country made me pay up and shake their hands as I walk on.

To this day I have no idea why I really fell for this and it all happened so quickly I can barely remember it.

The missus makes me carry the friendship bracelet around in my pocket when we go away to remind me not to be so fucking stupid in future. :)
(Thu 18th Oct 2007, 14:33, More)

» And that's the thanks I got

The thanks he got.
Had a great mate a few years ago. He had a heart of gold and would make you feel fantastic by telling you how great you were and making you sound like the greatest person in the world to women he new and other friends.

There was girl he really fancied and had been chasing her for months and to fair she was great. One night he took us both out on the town and spent a lot of the evening 'bigging' me up to her. He ended up kissing her that night and assumed that they were now a couple.

He had to go home early as he had to be up in the morning but in his usual kind and generous way he left us some money to carry the night on.
She really liked him.......I slept with her that night.

He came round to see her the day after and I was still there, the look on his face haunts me to this day. Things where never the same between us after that. And only got worse when I went out with his much loved ex while he was away on holiday a few years later.

I am a c*nt. Well, I was then, anyway.
(Thu 24th May 2007, 10:42, More)