» Well, that taught 'em

My Brother
Is 2.5 years older than me and one new year's eve he was thought old enough to look after me whilst my folks went to a party at the house next door.

The cheeky fekker enticed my down stairs to look at something outside.

I , being a curious scamp take a gander clad in my jim jams. He promptly locked the door behind me and sttod on the other side of the glass panel taunting me.

Without missing a beat I turned, headbutted the plate glass door and stepped inside, leaving a train of snow and blood up to my bedroom and left him to go next door and pull my folks out of a party and explain why they had no front door and an injured son!

That'll learn him.
(Fri 27th Apr 2007, 22:15, More)

» Sacked

Rent-a-motor
I used to work for a well known car rental company (rhymes with Hertz)

Picture the scene, it's Friday afternoon, it's 4.45p.m and I'm due to finish at 5, got the whole weekend planned. Back at the garage ready to go home when my dispatcher (hitler-esque, balding woman) decides that as I've been there the least time I have to go and deliver a car to a customer that lived 30 miles away. So I'll have to drive there, wait for this twat to get home then wait to be picked up so I'm not likely to be back until 7 at the earliest.

So off I go in a brand new VW Golf GTI (6 miles on the clock when I left)

I managed to get stuck behind a tractor on a dead straight section of road so I decided to stretch the Golf's legs a little as I'm passing the tractor I notice a very sharp bend approaching so I slammed the anchors on but to no avail, through the bushes, rolled it 5 times down an embankment.

Net result, one truely fucked golf with 28 miles on it and the sack.
(Tue 28th Feb 2006, 23:52, More)

» Sacked

Short but sweet
A mate of mine had a job he hated after the first day so on day 2 he addressed an e-mail to the MD with "Dear Cunt"

He was out about 10 minutes later
(Wed 1st Mar 2006, 0:21, More)

» Housemates from hell

Fucking
Students.............

Christ, for every horror story I read about your hideous house mates, they probably have 10 about you, shit, you are all 18 and living away from mummy for the first time no wonder none of you know how to behave, wash yer under crackers or spell.









*Christ, I sound like Apeloverage - better have a lie down
(Sat 7th Apr 2007, 6:33, More)

» Spoooky Coincidence

oddness
I have an uncanny ability to tell when it is 11:11 and this spans across timezones.

I'll get to work, beaver away and when I look up it's 11:11 it's not that I look at the clock at 11:05 and realise - I won't look at the clock at all from when I get there but every time I look up it's 11:11 - same in the evenings I'll look at the clock on my pc and it will be 11:11 - This has been going on for about 6 years now it's very strange.

Also I went on my gap year to Australia many moons ago and used to work in Sydney at a place called the rocks - not too far from the Opera house - I used to take my break sitting on the Opera house steps and one day I was reading an article about and Australian chap called James Whitworth.

I chuckled cos one of my old mates back home was called that. I finished my break and promptly ran smack into my mate James Whitworth who's family had just emigrated the day before and were doing a tour of Sydney

Length? That's what your mum said
(Sat 10th Feb 2007, 3:53, More)