» Drugs

While deep in rural Ireland ...
First post, so be gentle.

Many years ago now, before I became responsible and boring, I went with a mate for a holiday/to bum around in rural County Kerry on Ireland's west coast. I don't know what it's like now but back then it had the feel of somewhere untouched by the modern world (and idiotic tripping teenagers from England).

With little else to do out there, one evening we dropped a trip each and - as was our habit - decided to go for a walk, in search of adventure and cool things to look at and giggle at. We were staying in the middle of nowhere. The night was dark and moonless. We walked down the narrow country lanes and giggled, in the way you do, at the pulsating chess-board patterns covering the dark surface of the road and the shadows on either side that seemed to swell and recede as you breathed.

We weren't so off our heads that we didn't realise that any the driver of any car driving down the lanes would not expect to find us around the next corner. Luckily we could see the lights of approaching cars winding towards us from miles away in the light mist that had fallen. We made sure that we were well off the road by the time that any car reached us. In our state we found that this precaution we were taking also became something of a game: we had to make sure that passing cars could not see us. This was not all daft as two young lads stalking about the countryside at night would only meet with suspicion from the locals.

So we walked and giggled and dicked about. It was now late. We passed a farmhouse and set the dogs barking but thought nothing more of it. Then some short time later we saw car lights approaching from the direction of the nearest town. We looked about for cover and found a gate with large stone piers on either side. My mate and I hopped over it and, as it looked like the car was approaching, we each hid behind a stone pillar on either side. The car passed us but then slowed to a halt and began to reverse back. Shit we've been spotted, I thought. With my eyes firmly closed, I heard the reversing car stop adjacent to the gate with its engine still running. It seemed like an age. I just crouched there with my eyes shut, trying to breath quietly. I don't know how long it was - five or ten seconds maybe - but I decided to open my eyes. I could see the beam of a flashlight on the ground through the gate. I shat myself and closed my eyes again. Then after what felt like forever, the car pulled away and drove off. As it did I glimpsed that it was the Gardai, the local police.

Now as we were two English teenagers high on drugs in a foreign land, this shat us up a bit. This, with the acid, led to some imaginative worrying (Is this PIRA country? What would they do to us Brits if they found us? Maybe we just avoided an Irish "Deliverance"?) so we decided to end our wander and get back to base quickly.

Next morning, we were driving into town in my crusty old van, feeling rather post-trip and a bit spaced out. We passed the farmhouse. I made a point of looking out for the scene of our scare last night. As we drove down the lane, the hedgerows disappeared and the road passed through an open field with a wire fence on either side. In the middle of this I saw a large stone-piered gate, with nothing at all on either side. My friend had been looking out for the gate as well. It dawned on us at the same time: the Gardai must have seen us crouching behind the pillars from about 100 yards away. When they stopped, they were probably looking right at us, no doubt shining the torch all over us. They must have just thought "two twatty English teenagers out tripping" and left us be. Overcome with shame at our idiocy neither of us said anything until we reached town.

Sorry about length. Next will be shorter.
(Fri 17th Sep 2010, 16:06, More)

» The Police II

I quite like police (now I've stopped the funny fags)
I used to live in a flat above another flat occupied by this highly strung lady and highly strung teenage son (years of her whinging and moaning must have made him like that as he was a nice lad under it all). One Sunday afternoon they had an almight row about something.

A bit later I saw from my sitting room window a police car speeding up the street with its lights on, which was unusual in that part of leafy west london. "Shit" I said to my wife "It's the rozzers and they're stopping next to our house". Out jumped two burly policemen and rang our bell.

I went down to see what was up. The one asked if I had called 999. I said no. He said there'd been a 999 call from our address and asked who I lived with. I said my wife and baby son and told him they didn't call either. They insisted on seeing them before they would leave. Despite the obvious implication that I might be a lying, wife-beater/child-murderer, it was really reassuring.

They then went down to the flat downstairs and dished out a massive bollocking to whichever of the mother/son called them.
(Tue 10th May 2011, 17:13, More)