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» Real-life slapstick
Cartoons
Walking through my local town centre a few months ago, the world seemed to go through 180 degrees all of a sudden.
Odd I thought as I picked myself up. No warning, I just went arse over tit - instantly.
On further inspection it was an actual banana skin that some twerp/monkey had discarded on the pavement.
Next time you see Daffy Duck slip on one of those, don't think that'd never happen, it does and will.
(Sat 23rd Jan 2010, 9:37, More)
Cartoons
Walking through my local town centre a few months ago, the world seemed to go through 180 degrees all of a sudden.
Odd I thought as I picked myself up. No warning, I just went arse over tit - instantly.
On further inspection it was an actual banana skin that some twerp/monkey had discarded on the pavement.
Next time you see Daffy Duck slip on one of those, don't think that'd never happen, it does and will.
(Sat 23rd Jan 2010, 9:37, More)
» Waste of money
Nee Nar
I've bought loads of old tut on the internet. I'll try and give you a top ten.
10. Palm V about 10 years ago. Never used it, not once.
9. A scope. Crossed between a telescope and a pair of binoculars.
8. Metal detector.
7. Western digital mirror drive. Tried to use it but it's now corrupt.
6. One of those 10 in 1 jump starter packs with a built in air compressor.
5. Original pair of Bauer Turbo 33 skates (I'm 35, hetro and male)
4. An original Bullseye tankard. The ones that Jim Bowen gave out in the 80s.
3. 2, yes 2 Honda CUB 90s.
2. An actual crystal ball off Bid-Up-TV.
1. Tuesday I bought an original 1980s fire engine/ambulance/police siren off eBay.
I think the siren has a huge potential in shitting people up though.
Oh yes then there was the bread maker, the Jack LaLanne juicer, the obsolete bank notes for nostalgic purposes...
(Fri 1st Oct 2010, 12:55, More)
Nee Nar
I've bought loads of old tut on the internet. I'll try and give you a top ten.
10. Palm V about 10 years ago. Never used it, not once.
9. A scope. Crossed between a telescope and a pair of binoculars.
8. Metal detector.
7. Western digital mirror drive. Tried to use it but it's now corrupt.
6. One of those 10 in 1 jump starter packs with a built in air compressor.
5. Original pair of Bauer Turbo 33 skates (I'm 35, hetro and male)
4. An original Bullseye tankard. The ones that Jim Bowen gave out in the 80s.
3. 2, yes 2 Honda CUB 90s.
2. An actual crystal ball off Bid-Up-TV.
1. Tuesday I bought an original 1980s fire engine/ambulance/police siren off eBay.
I think the siren has a huge potential in shitting people up though.
Oh yes then there was the bread maker, the Jack LaLanne juicer, the obsolete bank notes for nostalgic purposes...
(Fri 1st Oct 2010, 12:55, More)
» Ouch!
A few ouchy moments
The other day I litterally chopped the top of my thumb off. That was a big surprise at the time, top half an inch including nail and bone while changing a head gasket.
Crushing the middle finger of my right had. I left it in the adjuster thingy on a diving board just as someone adjusted it. The "lifeguard" ran in the opposite direction when I presented her with it.
Cutting my head open on an exposed metal beam.
Gout.
(Fri 30th Jul 2010, 13:32, More)
A few ouchy moments
The other day I litterally chopped the top of my thumb off. That was a big surprise at the time, top half an inch including nail and bone while changing a head gasket.
Crushing the middle finger of my right had. I left it in the adjuster thingy on a diving board just as someone adjusted it. The "lifeguard" ran in the opposite direction when I presented her with it.
Cutting my head open on an exposed metal beam.
Gout.
(Fri 30th Jul 2010, 13:32, More)
» The Best / Worst thing I've ever eaten
Funnily enough...
The best and worst meals I've ever witnessed came in the same meal at a diner in Temecula, Southern California a few months ago. Mrs Monsieur, Girl Monsieur and I live in Kent, UK, we were there visiting some relatives.
We stopped at this diner and perused the menu; I went for corned beef hash, hash browns and eggs easy over. Mrs Monsieur was feeling a little healthier and went for granola and toast...
Mine came out and was as expected, absolutely delicious and enough food for 4 people. Hers came out and was the weirdest thing that any of us had ever seen, thick, sweet toast that had been dipped in egg, fried, dipped in egg, fried, dipped in egg, fried, dipped in egg, fried, dipped in egg, fried, dipped in egg, fried dipped in egg and a handful of granola, fried and then literally smothered in icing sugar!
Then, rather than point at it screaming in horror, she ate it "to be polite". Damn.
(Sat 28th May 2011, 16:21, More)
Funnily enough...
The best and worst meals I've ever witnessed came in the same meal at a diner in Temecula, Southern California a few months ago. Mrs Monsieur, Girl Monsieur and I live in Kent, UK, we were there visiting some relatives.
We stopped at this diner and perused the menu; I went for corned beef hash, hash browns and eggs easy over. Mrs Monsieur was feeling a little healthier and went for granola and toast...
Mine came out and was as expected, absolutely delicious and enough food for 4 people. Hers came out and was the weirdest thing that any of us had ever seen, thick, sweet toast that had been dipped in egg, fried, dipped in egg, fried, dipped in egg, fried, dipped in egg, fried, dipped in egg, fried, dipped in egg, fried dipped in egg and a handful of granola, fried and then literally smothered in icing sugar!
Then, rather than point at it screaming in horror, she ate it "to be polite". Damn.
(Sat 28th May 2011, 16:21, More)
» Bullshit and Bullshitters
Billy Bullshit.
There’s this old geezer down my local, everything he says is bullshit. He’s a lorry driver, fact; the following are some of the chestnuts I can remember.
He’s worked in Iran and Iraq during their numerous wars and regularly had gun battles.
He’s a major share holder in Rio Tinto Zinc (the biggest mining company in the world with revenues of around $45 Billion).
He owns a large yacht; it’s in storage at the mo though.
He claimed to live in a large house and when one night he left his phone in the pub, one of the locals went round to his gaff and banged on the door “never heard of him” said the old biddy that answered.
He built the new terminal 5 building at Heathrow (cost £4.1Billion and was put up by Laing O’Rourke).
He was going to South America for 3 weeks on a photography holiday, he didn’t. When pressed on why he hadn’t gone “oh, it was cancelled, lots of people dropped out at the last minute”.
The best one though was when he came into the pub one evening “I’m absolutely cream crackered” he said “I’ve been to Sussex, to Essex, back to Sussex, back to Essex, Middlesex and then back into Kent again”. Only he hadn’t, I’d seen him pulling into another boozer at 11am that morning!
(Mon 17th Jan 2011, 14:37, More)
Billy Bullshit.
There’s this old geezer down my local, everything he says is bullshit. He’s a lorry driver, fact; the following are some of the chestnuts I can remember.
He’s worked in Iran and Iraq during their numerous wars and regularly had gun battles.
He’s a major share holder in Rio Tinto Zinc (the biggest mining company in the world with revenues of around $45 Billion).
He owns a large yacht; it’s in storage at the mo though.
He claimed to live in a large house and when one night he left his phone in the pub, one of the locals went round to his gaff and banged on the door “never heard of him” said the old biddy that answered.
He built the new terminal 5 building at Heathrow (cost £4.1Billion and was put up by Laing O’Rourke).
He was going to South America for 3 weeks on a photography holiday, he didn’t. When pressed on why he hadn’t gone “oh, it was cancelled, lots of people dropped out at the last minute”.
The best one though was when he came into the pub one evening “I’m absolutely cream crackered” he said “I’ve been to Sussex, to Essex, back to Sussex, back to Essex, Middlesex and then back into Kent again”. Only he hadn’t, I’d seen him pulling into another boozer at 11am that morning!
(Mon 17th Jan 2011, 14:37, More)