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» Stags and Hens

I didn't have enough friends to do a stag
So I drank half a bottle of domestic sherry and watched whatever crap was on television.
Then I drew a face on my scrotum with magic marker.
(Fri 31st Jan 2014, 14:29, More)

» First World Problems

Health Food Stores
I went into one expecting whole grain bread, raw vegetables and unprocessed food, instead it's all pills and potions. Stupid twats can't call it what it is; Hypochondriac Supplies.
(Mon 5th Mar 2012, 1:00, More)

» Random Acts of Evil

I was roaming around at a party at someone's house that I did not know,
when I noticed a dog in a closed up room wearing a sort of a diaper. It was that mythical creature, a bitch in heat. There was also a used diaper thing carefully folded up in the bin.
There was bitch of the human type there that I did know. The sort that keeps emasculators in her purse, just in case.
I found her knee high wet look boots in the vestibule and I annointed them with fresh eau de bitch. I then wedged the diaper thing under her car.
By the time she finally left there were three dogs frantically sniffing her car and one of them made a determined attempt to foxtrot with her leg.
(Tue 21st Feb 2012, 15:40, More)

» Against Your Will

Brie
I really like brie, especially when it has got to the point when it has a nice ripe flavour, just before it tips over into dirty socks in ammonia state.
I was visiting an old aunt of mine when she presented a plate of brie that was definitely over-ripe. I took a small piece and choked it down with a smile.
"Go ahead dear," she said, "You finish that up. I can't stand the stuff."
(Tue 5th Aug 2014, 14:56, More)

» Brain Fade

I had just shut down my computer for the night
when I thought I should post something before they change the QOTW. So I powered the computer back up, forgetting that I really didn't have anything to say.
(Thu 28th Mar 2013, 3:31, More)
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