» Creepy!

Headless mannequin
In my old house between the ages of 6 and 8 I'd have the same 'dream' about 2 or 3 times a week. I'd be asleep and then wake up hearing a strange shuffling, jangling noise. Really hard to describe, but it'd always be the same thing. I'd get up and walk out to the top of the very dark stairs and look down. Then a mannequin made of shiny brown wood and no head would come around the corner and start walking up toward me. Each step it took it would 'tick', and I knew that it meant me harm. It never got to the point where it reached the top, but it got fucking close. The last night I remember seeing it was the same...heard the noise, got up to the landing, and then it started climbing the stairs.
Weirdly, it was different this time. There was a kind of red haze around the mannequin, and it felt more sinister I suppose. And it was 'looking' at me, and it wasnt a ticking anymore, more of a thudding. It was climbing with more menace, I was fucking terrified, rooted to the spot. It was coming closer than before, faster. I can remember thinking that I was fucked if this thing came nearer.
It was about then that I realised that my hand had involuntarily grabbed the bannister in a cold grip and this fucking thing was reaching out for it.
The spell broke, I screamed hellishly and burst into my parents room for salvation. I dove straight under their covers.




My Dad was noisily fingering my Mum and I had just acquired a front row seat.

Fucking mannequin cunt
(Sat 9th Apr 2011, 1:01, More)

» Winning

Radio contest
When I was about 20 I managed to get onto a local radio contest, the quiz was boys v girls, with opposite questions asked - boys got questioned about girl stuff and vice versa.
It was pretty good, I managed to go strong for 4 weeks, winning 2 dvd players, a vhs and a big telly. Then in my last week the boyfriend I had at the time registered, managed to make it through and so we were up against each other. He told me to lose on purpose so he could go further. After some feeble protest I agreed and lost the easiest round ever. If I close my eyes right enough I can almost hear people screaming at their radio. But I still did pretty well. I'm pleased with that. He lost the following week.

I didn't last much longer with him after that. This is the same bloke who told me I looked grotesque when I was on telly recently, making me no longer proud of that particular achievement and putting him firmly in 'Camp Cunt'. I know he frequents b3ta but no idea if he comes to qotw. If he does and recognises this story - Ryan you're a cunt.

So, if someone is getting piss easy answers wrong on radio or telly, they could be doing it out of misguided love.
Or they're a thick twat.
(Thu 28th Apr 2011, 19:10, More)

» Road Trip

Camping
When I was a kitten we used to go camping up to North Devon, my Mum, Dad, Sister and I. Sis and I would be sat on top of all the duvets on the back seat with our heads touching the top of the car. Ah, those were the days.

One time my Sister got very travel sick, we had these little hand puppets to abuse* us in the car. She filled hers with vom, then threw it at me. I'm not sure how intentional it was but it put me off The Wuzzles for quite a while.

Fuckers.

*meant to be amuse but I prefer autocorrect's version. Also autocorrect's wanted to come up as scroteberries - my phone is awesome
(Fri 15th Jul 2011, 9:07, More)

» Dodgy work ethics

I used to work for a company that Managed Anger
The first rule was 'if you wouldn't stick it in your mouth, don't stick it in your cunt'

It was hard sometimes...
(Sat 9th Jul 2011, 10:23, More)

» Irrational Hatred


I'm going to be on britains best dish on monday. My perfectly rational hate is that I didn't get through when the lady against me burnt her fucking onions
(Mon 4th Apr 2011, 23:28, More)