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» Lead Balloon

I went to a musician friend's party once
and got rather hammered on the special punch that was being served (it consisted of a bottle of vodka, one of rum, one of red wine, plus cloves and orange slices, plus anything else that was added as the host got more drunk). Inspired by recent events, I ended up telling the joke, "What weighs five pounds and won't get plucked this Christmas? John Denver's guitar!"

To a roomful of acoustic guitarists/folk musicians.

Tumbleweed.

I did not add to the merriment of the evening.

I think I got forgiven, but it took me a while to remove the foot from my mouth.
(Sun 25th Aug 2013, 18:52, More)

» Break-up Stories

Bastard
I went out with an artist for three years and thought he loved me. Then one day I get the phone call to say he'd gotten engaged to his other girlfriend, (she was tall, blonde, willowy and very talented...I'm short, dumpy, and "beautiful on the inside", no surprises but it doesn't make it any easier) and he wanted me to know as I was such a good friend... Fucking cried for days.

She later broke up with him and gave the ring back, and the prick then has the nerve to tell me that in the same breath as asking me to be his girlfriend again.

Er, no. Swivel hard and fast, dear boy.

Happily, I'm now with my soulmate, so the cnut did me a favour in dumping me. :)
(Thu 12th Sep 2013, 22:23, More)