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» That One Mate

This story is well lol even if you think it isn't
I have a mate who is a liability, lets call him Alan. Growing up he used to do daft stuff like running over the top of peoples cars and stuff like that. He would always get caught and bollocked for it too. He hasn't changed much.
One night we were walking home escorting some young ladies back from the pub to an after pub party at my house. Alan saw two massive blokes walking up the other side of the road and thought he would offer them a chip. When they replied to the negative my dear friend thought it would be best to help them change their mind by throwing chips at them. We dragged him away but they followed us home and after some strong words they decided the best thing to do was to kick my front door in.
The police were called and came out they asked who got the best look at them and one of my other mates replied that he had and off he went in the police car to see if he could find them. The rest of us sat down with the other policeman and some of us gave statements. Shortly afterwards we realised Alan wasn't in the house, very shortly afterwards it came through on the radio that they had found them. All three of them and arrested them. Alan had gone in to the kitchen and nicked a carving knife and was found outside a supermarket holding them at knifepoint. He tried to explain to the police that he just didn't want them to get away and was helping them out. They of course bought it and gave him one of those hero medals? No, he spent the night in the cells and was let off with a caution for possession of a bladed article the next morning (luckily). The two guys went to court and had to pay compensation to the tune of about a third of what it cost to replace the door and frame. Thats why we have insurance apparently.

Months later I received an unexpected delivery. The police sent me the knife back.

Oh yeh and it made me shit my pants!
(Thu 2nd Jul 2015, 14:23, More)

» Parsimony

I went for a drink with Lighty

(Wed 9th Mar 2016, 10:01, More)

» False Economies



(Wed 2nd Jul 2014, 13:01, More)

» Little Moments of Joy

Once I had a Kit Kat that was pure chocolate, not a sliver of wafer in sight!
The little moment of joy was over when I realised the same effect can be attained by just buying a normal bar of chocolate in the first place.
(Fri 24th Jan 2014, 8:23, More)

» Twat Friends

Once upon a time I had a friend who insisted on being called Apples, he thought it would be über cool, I have no idea why.
Ten years later, he is incredibly tired of being called Crapples. The end.
(Fri 20th Sep 2013, 23:29, More)
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