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www.JamMasterGeordie.com

POEM FOR JMG, BY BALDMONKEY
JMG JMG
Better than a girl can be
Combats all obesity
Has hair, a job and also he

Lives in a fucking villa.

Without his mother.






visited 104 states (46.2%)
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visited 24 states (48%)
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visited 5 states (14.2%)
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Hit Counter


Don't you internet spotties get yourself upset about this. It's only to help new people know who's fun and who isn't.

After alot of consideration and several months of rating those into groups, I bring you:
THE JMG LIST OF APPROVED, INTERESTING B3TANS
Emmathegirl

Evil Lu

Bud Muwun Mudwunq Muqudn

Baldmonkey

Hubare

Mykeyboy

Sprinkles

TopUpTheTea

Donkey Gums

Amorous Badger

Master of Turnips

GrandmaOfShoes

Easty

Moohalaa

Comma

Bobson Chimpworth

Cap'n Tallbeard

cr3

Goatworrier

MONO!

milknosugar

Noit

NobbyNobody

Rubymurray

Rosie Posie

Captn Hood-Butter

Sp@m

spangolin

b3tard

Handsome Gav

Azra3l

The Furry Dinosaur

SpringySunshine

fallingdownjoe

DijonWolfie

unstable-dan

GoldenFanjita

Wildheart Baby

The Baroness

rhcpaul

FoldsFive

rnuk

pantseatflyer

Esme Weatherwax

Friz

SexFace

Damion

Red Rocket

LimeyTreat

Wormulus

mugatu

Dobsky

Nickalollyoff

gaijintendo

Wortal Mombat

Sir Sand Goblin

Fluzzy

broadsword

Boondocks, YEAH

Flapjack

The Neville

Rob

BraynDedd


WHAT PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT JMG AND/OR THE LIST:
"That is the greatest honour to be bestowed on a Welshman. I thank you."
Sprinkles 4 Dec 2006, 6:43

"I really like your list, it keeps the boring people back in their place."
Emmathegirl 9 Nov 2006 19:24

"You, Sir, are a cunt, but a smart cunt, especially with your list, I really like it."
Mykeyboy 14 Nov 2006 11:39

"You are correct with your list, I'm just a girl but I can see how intelligent you are, especially with lists."
Evil Lu 24 Oct 2006 13:45

"I am a fairly newer b3tan than most on your list, and I was worried about who to talk to on here at first. With your list you made it easy to find fun and interesting people to correspond with. I'm a right gay. But I like your list."
Hubare 24 Nov 2006 16:54

"I like how your list doesn't hold any prejudices against women or the darkies. You're a real 21st century champion. Will you have my children?"
Sir Sand Goblin 29 Oct 2006 13:02

"Your list makes me want to touch people. It's really made me happy that I am on your list. I now have respect of many people, even people I've raped in the past. Thank you."
Baldmonkey 7 Nov 2006 21:29

"You're a super *everything* You know"
Rubymurray 4 Dec 2006 6:43

"Surely, JMG, thou art the King of Tyneside."
Moohalaa 4 Dec 2006 7:03

"You make me laugh."
pantseatflyer 12 Aug 2006 2:12

"I'm a man who has traveled across this country and seen the delights of Blyth and even parts of London. I have to admit you are a hoot, and your list only goes to show that you care for the people of the internet world. Even the fat chicks and the spotty people on /talk. Well done on such an achievement."
Hubare 3 Dec 2006 15:48

"The way this list makes the upper grade b3tan fully known to new people is such a wonderful idea. If I wasn't so caught up with emotion at this time I'd surely put out for you. Maybe even twice."
Evil Lu 23 Nov 2006 8:32

"You continue to set the grade for self-confident b3tans. The world needs more Jam Master Geordies."
Emmathegirl 26 Nov 2006 22:24

"That picture of your hand makes me wet. Is that really your hand?"
Baldmonkey 17 Nov 2006 13:59

"I'm on it and I'm fantastic."
Rosie Posie 4 Dec 2006 10:26

"I believe that the list of quotes by the list of b3tans within the list of b3tans is fantastic and warmed my cockles 'til I had misplaced my warmed chicken salad sandwich, besides my sandwich desire I now have a desire to be in the list twice"
GrandmaOfShoes 5 Dec 2006 10:49

"I love JMG."
GrandmaOfShoes 5 Dec 2006 10:39

"Sometimes I read your list and the quotes with my top off to fully highten the sexual pleasure I get from it."
Mykeyboy 22 Nov 2006 8:59

"This list is almost as big and popular as my minge."
Emmathegirl 28 Nov 2006 22:07

"I realise that the JMG Approved B3tan List upsets some people but fortunately, that's only the shit people who are too shit to be on the JMG Approved B3tan List. They should be grateful. It points out the people who they should aim to be more like. I approve of the JMG Approved B3tan List and anyone who doesn't is the pus oozing from drill holes in a vagina."
Baldmonkey 7 Dec 2006 12:25

"Today is unbelievably less shit now you're here JMG!"
Red Rocket 20 Dec 2006 11:12

"I once saw a list of unimportant, pointless people and none of your listed people were on it. I therefore declare this a massive success."
Handsome Gav 3 Dec 2006 22:01

"I'd gladly put out for anyone on this list. This list displays a gathering of nice, sensible b3tans who in no way shape or form are boring or cliquey. A++++++++ Would read again!"
Emmathegirl 8 Dec 2006 01:49

"The board always seems to move much faster when you're around, watching over us like the glorious guardian you are. *salutes*"
iEC: Redux 20 Dec 2006 11:17

"JMG is so the bestest
he should marry me and have my babies!"

Sp@m 26 Jan 2007 10:15

"I would like to take this opportunity to endorse the JMG list of approved b3tans. I believe that the members of said list are the standard bearers for the board and should be universally admired and respected.
This stance bares no relation whatsoever to the fact that I am included in this list."

Red Rocket 7 Aug 2007 14:09

"JMG keeps this place beating in a syncopated salsa of awesome"
GrandmaOfShoes 18 Jan 2008 11:58

"Three cheers for JMG, Hero of the People!"
BraynDedd 11 Mar 2008 15:46

"I sometimes read JMG's list of approved b3tans to my friends and family on rainy afternoons."
Red Rocket 24 Jun 2008 16:59

"....your posts bring light to b3ta, when all there is is fat and nonsense.."
Just Harry 18 Oct 2008 02:09

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man may be king but the fella mounting the kerb at 50mph is JMG.
Baldmonkey 16 Apr 2009 15:00


The "OMG I'M UPSET AT YOU JMG! STOP BEING SO POPULAR! :(((((" list:

"You dont upset me you silly cunt, Ive told you a million times, I only have pity for you.
The same way as a parent looks at the child with no shoes or parents, you filthy Northern Scummer :-)"
prem1um, Fri 13 Apr, 11:52
A lovely moment where I'm not upsetting anyone, but 3 words later he's calling me, JMG, a cunt. The smiley on the end goes to show just how cool and calm he really is
THE WOBBLEOMETER READS: 8 out of 10 wobbles

Recent front page messages:

Monday is the only day they jam together...

(Mon 17th Jan 2005, 14:17, More)

Saw it further down... Couldn't resist..
Bed first.. Hell later...



........."Have you seen this woman ? ..Or THESE Puppies ?"
(Tue 25th Feb 2003, 2:02, More)

Best answers to questions:

» World's Sickest Joke

What's the difference between Paula Radcliffe and Hitler ?
Hitler tried to finish the race
(Thu 9th Sep 2004, 18:07, More)

» Gyms

I'm not one to brag.
But this one time I had trouble lifting my dumbbells up and over my fantastic shoulders due to being up all the previous night shagging page 3 girls from all over.
Mr T. Then a friend of mine walked over and pitied my fool or something along those lines, and I'm sure he muttered "you puff" under his breath as he walked off with Sylvester Stallone from the Rocky movies.
I saw red, put down my dumbbells and chased after Mr T. He ran off because I look well hard right, and I ended up catching him in the car park due to my athletic prowess and speed on foot, I once ran down a bear.
I punched Mr T like ten times in the face and cheeks and he was all like "crying" and I was all like "well, whatever Mr T" and Rocky was all like "He's well hard him" and I was like "I know" and then I went back to the gym to work on my killer legs from lifting up drug dealers cars and stuff.
(Mon 13th Jul 2009, 17:13, More)

» Sexual fetishes

When I'm taking time off from picking up drug dealers cars and throwing them in the river.
Or at the Playboy Mansion over near my registered Asthmatics Unite Center, I enjoy shagging hot girls.

For absolutely no reason I'm going to tell a story. As everybody else is.
I've probably told it before. Anywhere up to 20 times on here.

I was speed dating at this local youth centre with a pocket full of dimes and a mouthful of rhymes when I looked out the window and observed this well built chap clip the Honda Accord with his big black van.
Naturally I decked three wrestlers and ran outside to confront the confused gentleman, who'd just taken in a hefty glass of what he claimed was "Milk".
That couldn't have been milk, as he was clearly half asleep and looking all set to topple over. So I did what any humanitarian would. I dressed up in Latex underwear and punched him in the larynx.
Some of you girls might like to know that I can also stay out on school nights now, and I have my own clotted cream factory if you know what I mean?

Later that evening I was spoon feeding some war heroes with the gold spoon award I got in Iraq for fighting off bears in Kuwait when this chap returned now full of beans and wanting a proper fight. That was his first mistake.

So I stopped giving this Army Commander a Blumpkin and got totally in to it.
I said "WHAT'S YOUR NAME LIKE?" and he was like "Mr. T Foo'!" and I was like "WHAT?" and he was like "YEAH!" and I ran over to him and kicked him in the face which was quite a feat considering I was wearing high heels and a scuba mask with the air pipe rammed up my arse.
This chap was quite the mover, and after ten minutes of drop kicks, grappling and double entry we decided it was an amicable draw. Which was his second mistake as the second he dropped his guard I totally roundhoused him to the ground and I was like "YEAH" and he was like Yeah..." and I was like "FUCK YEAH!" and he was like "Yeah.." on the ground bleeding from his eyes and his legs.

Then I fellated a German Shepherd.
(Thu 22nd Oct 2009, 16:36, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

RIGHT you slack jawed retards. This is it. Typing words like a child on b3ta.
Nobody, nobody ever thought you were cute when you were 14 years old in a shell suit and Reebok Pumps saying words or phrases like "Luffly" and "Awwwwww. Yous are cutes!!" did they?
So why do you harp on like this now when you're 30, overweight and sat in an office in Dudley?

If you ran your hot air balloon on a gut through a tub of glue, dived into a box of the fluffiest feathers and looked like a fucking Ewok (I'm tailoring this to the target audience), nothing would change. You'd STILL be that fucking freak talking like a mongoloid.
If you rolly-polly fitness fighters spent ONE HALF HOUR speaking like "Ims goin on to da intranets!" you'd either get your heads filled in off some ASBO wielding thugs, or questioned over whether or not you have dodgy photos on your laptop.
And this would be one of the rare times I helped out those little ASBO fuckers. You fucking freak.

"Teh". You FAT, FUCKING, RETARD. That better be a typo.
That was shit 7 years ago. Now it's making b3ta, a one time bastion of glorious internet look like an AOL chat room.


And kittens don't talk.
SPASTIC.
(Tue 20th Oct 2009, 16:20, More)

» Impulse buys

I once bought a fight with Mr. T. I knocked him out and was all like KA-POW! in his face.
If you all vote for this I'll post a picture of Mr T in his underpants.
(Thu 21st May 2009, 15:51, More)
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