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Profile for the_hammerhead_tart -- In love with a strict machine:
Profile Info:

I wanna be a wallabe.

Recent front page messages:



Daleks have good reasons for grocery shopping online.
(Fri 4th Apr 2003, 13:23, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Office Christmas Parties

Hmmm....
My boss is a complete and utter zeppelin. There's no Xmas party, no time off, no bonus... nothing!

But then again, I am self employed.
(Thu 16th Dec 2004, 17:52, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Driving to see my Grandma...
...we passed a power station with the cooling towers belching out steam. When I asked why this was so, my dad claimed that they were, in fact, cloud factories, which I duly wrote up the following Monday in my news book at school.
(Thu 15th Jan 2004, 15:26, More)

» Urban Legends

I Started this one locally...
To see if she'd believe me, I told a friend about a fictitious gang of hoodies that had broken into a beauty parlour and were going around piercing cat's ears. To think, all those poor animals simply dripping in diamante! I do appologise, but I had to: it was funny.
(Wed 11th Jan 2006, 10:25, More)

» Job Interviews

The Buster Keaton
"Look at this guy's CV and give him the once over," said my boss at the time. And a great CV it was too. Then the candidate turned up.

During an hour's questioning he gave single word answers, showed less emotion than a depressed Buster Keaton and wouldn't turn the collar down on his suit.

"Do you actually want this job?" I asked in the end.

"No."

"Why are you here, then?"

"Dunno."

My, how we laughed.
(Thu 20th Jan 2005, 12:10, More)

» Mini Cabs From Hell

There's a cabbie round here who swears he's psychic...
You get in, you just want to get the ride, and the stench, over with but the bastard won't leave you alone.

"Think of a number between one and ten," is his usual starter. He then tells me it's 7. It's not. I usually pick Pi just to piss people like that off.

He swears he can tell you everything about you using his "gift". He hasn't got one. No one has. It's just a rather clumsy mix of cold and warm reading, just like you see on the telly when a "psychic" contacts someone "with a B, or is it a P, perhaps a G, could it be a D?" in their name.

The thing is, cold reading is my party trick. He nearly shit himself when I told him he used to be a teacher.

Fucking moron.
(Thu 27th May 2004, 14:26, More)
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