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[challenge entry] Thats the last time I send the office junior out on an errand.
Asked for twenty marlboro lights, and said I'd square up with him when he got back

now Ive got a bill for three hundred notes and a desk full of these.

edit: thank god I didnt ask for twenty mayfair.

From the Badly Misheard Instructions challenge. See all 328 entries (closed)

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 13:33, archived)
# or
10 bensons and hedges
(!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 13:41, archived)
# lambert & butler
?
(I helped save b3ta! aaarrgghh...wasps! !spsaw...hhggrraaa, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 13:46, archived)
# lucky strikes?
I hear thats what the tube and firebrigade promote.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 13:52, archived)
# Ciggy related story,
smoked a lot on our night out last night, so arrived at the newsagents this morning to get my copy of the sun, and my days nicotine. Coughing a bit, as you do.

An old dear who had just payed for her stuff told me "ooo, you dont want to buy those they are bad for you. And think of all the money you would save that you could then spend on sweeties".

Im 26, I have a full beard, and I reeked of alcohol. I think the days of penny chews are well behind me.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 13:47, archived)
# eeeee
I remember the days when you buy a chew for a penny.
Can you still get them?
(I helped save b3ta! Slim has found god. He was down the back of the sofa., Thu 24 Oct 2002, 13:52, archived)
# you sure can.
If you are a real connissuer of the penny chew, get yourself down to makro, where you can still get boxes of 400 mojo's, or flying saucers, or fried eggs.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 13:57, archived)
# Hehe
To my right I have about £15's worth of penny sweets from Makro. Pear drops, fizzy apple strips, disco discs, cola bottles and fizzy strawberries. Yum.
(I helped save b3ta! VeryGnawty, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 14:07, archived)
# for the ultimate belch
put a good handful of fizzy cola bottles in your mouth. Start chewing, but dont swallow. then, open a can of coke. Fill moth to capacity. Close lips tightly. Jump up and down on the spot for about a minute.

Swallow contents of mouth.

Stand on desk, and prepare to amaze the whole office.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 14:10, archived)
# Christ on a bike....
You're not wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! VeryGnawty, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 14:14, archived)
# I cannot believe
you actually did that.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 14:19, archived)
# would you like a display at the halloween party?
.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 14:21, archived)
# Neither
can I....
(I helped save b3ta! VeryGnawty, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 14:53, archived)
# Warning
can lead to projectile vomiting.

But its still impressive.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 14:21, archived)
# What has the poor
Moth done to deserve that, and how do you know when a moth has reached its capacity?
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 14:16, archived)
# They squeak.
Only quietly though, so you have to listen carefully.
(I helped save b3ta! VeryGnawty, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 14:17, archived)
# only just noticed that typo.
d'oh
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 14:24, archived)
# I know
but think of all the sweeties you could buy.

Think of them.
(I helped save b3ta! pagram, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 13:53, archived)
# Im thinking of them
and Im also thinking of the 500 quid dental bill I head 2 years ago. I really remember the dentist telling me to lay of the sweets and coca cola, or the next time I needed work done, I wouldnt get seven shots of novacaine.

edit: but Id give my right arm for a box of WHAM! bars right now.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 14:00, archived)
# bless that old dear.
She has your best interests at heart.

And just think, you could get loads of sweeties for the price of a packet of fags!
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 14:04, archived)
# Nice one!
Can I use that, print it and hold it up whenever someone from the office is heading down the shops please?
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 13:47, archived)
# be my guest.
.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 24 Oct 2002, 13:48, archived)
# good job you didn't ask for
20 Embassy
(I helped save b3ta! Slim has found god. He was down the back of the sofa., Thu 24 Oct 2002, 13:48, archived)