![[challenge entry]](/images/board_posticon_c.gif "Challenge Entry: Celebrity Death"){kind=small}
at last! at last!How I've been waiting for this competition to come along.....
This requires a little explanation:
I'd tie them all together with some rope then dangle them precariously 1.5 metres over a large vat of very hot carrot and coriander soup. Then I'd spread raspberry jam all over the roof above them (1.5 metres above). I'd secure the other end of the rope to a convicted rapist donkey's tail via a series of pulleys, allowing precisely 4.1 metres distance between the donkey and the vat'o'soup (with only 4 metres of rope for the donkey to use).
I'd place the evil donkey 2 metres from the soup and then free the rope. The donkey would think 'ahh, soup' and try to walk over to the soup. This would result in The Rasmus being lifted towards the roof and getting painfully covered in jam. The donkey would be unable to reach said vat'o'soup, but being a donkey would likely continue to try until it was absolutely shattered. By this time, of course, The Rasmus would be absolutely covered in delicious jam.
The donkey would be pretty knackered after an hour or so of trying and failing to get to the carrot soup - meanwhile, I would be releasing jam-loving tsetse flies into the abandoned warehouse in which the action would be taking place. They would quickly find their way to the now sweet and tasty Rasmus, accidentaly sucking their blood whilst lapping up some jam. Besides being mildly uncomfortable, this would infect The Rasmus with West African trypanosomiasis, inducing a sleepy, unwell feeling.
Rapist donkey would now be getting completely shattered, and giving up on his carrot and coriander soup dreams - he'd slowly be getting pulled backwards by The Rasmus (who have a combined weight of 23 kg) and would begin to stop resisting. The Rasmus would see the vat'o'soup rising to meet them, but would be unable to make the effort to save themselves as the tsetse fly induced sleeping sickness set in. Slowly the donkey would scrape backwards and slowly the Rasmus would submerge, head first in the boiling carrot soup, screaming euro-rock curses as they went.
The Rasmus would effectively then boil up in the soup, until it became carrot, coriander and rasmus soup. Their little Finnish skeletons would be much lighter once their flesh had cooked off, and the rapist donkey would ultimatley be able to survive for weeks by pulling the rope through the pulleys (now body free) and feasting on the delicious soup.
Then I'd get that dirty rapist donkey neutered, with a rusty handsaw. evil rapist donkey.
This requires a little explanation:
I'd tie them all together with some rope then dangle them precariously 1.5 metres over a large vat of very hot carrot and coriander soup. Then I'd spread raspberry jam all over the roof above them (1.5 metres above). I'd secure the other end of the rope to a convicted rapist donkey's tail via a series of pulleys, allowing precisely 4.1 metres distance between the donkey and the vat'o'soup (with only 4 metres of rope for the donkey to use).
I'd place the evil donkey 2 metres from the soup and then free the rope. The donkey would think 'ahh, soup' and try to walk over to the soup. This would result in The Rasmus being lifted towards the roof and getting painfully covered in jam. The donkey would be unable to reach said vat'o'soup, but being a donkey would likely continue to try until it was absolutely shattered. By this time, of course, The Rasmus would be absolutely covered in delicious jam.
The donkey would be pretty knackered after an hour or so of trying and failing to get to the carrot soup - meanwhile, I would be releasing jam-loving tsetse flies into the abandoned warehouse in which the action would be taking place. They would quickly find their way to the now sweet and tasty Rasmus, accidentaly sucking their blood whilst lapping up some jam. Besides being mildly uncomfortable, this would infect The Rasmus with West African trypanosomiasis, inducing a sleepy, unwell feeling.
Rapist donkey would now be getting completely shattered, and giving up on his carrot and coriander soup dreams - he'd slowly be getting pulled backwards by The Rasmus (who have a combined weight of 23 kg) and would begin to stop resisting. The Rasmus would see the vat'o'soup rising to meet them, but would be unable to make the effort to save themselves as the tsetse fly induced sleeping sickness set in. Slowly the donkey would scrape backwards and slowly the Rasmus would submerge, head first in the boiling carrot soup, screaming euro-rock curses as they went.
The Rasmus would effectively then boil up in the soup, until it became carrot, coriander and rasmus soup. Their little Finnish skeletons would be much lighter once their flesh had cooked off, and the rapist donkey would ultimatley be able to survive for weeks by pulling the rope through the pulleys (now body free) and feasting on the delicious soup.
Then I'd get that dirty rapist donkey neutered, with a rusty handsaw. evil rapist donkey.
From the Celebrity Death challenge. See all 342 entries (closed)
(, Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:48, archived)
WOAH THEREcareful now...
TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:48,
archived)
...down with this sort of thing...
Hamster Trippin' aka Mr. Titts,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:53,
archived)
Eeek!Words!
(
shrinking man Been away a while, time I ventured back,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:48,
archived)
can't. be. arsed. to. read. it. all.
mictoboy shitting in your cunt since,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:49,
archived)
Worth it.Whoever the fack the Rasmus might be.
(Nobody tell me, I've enough worthless shit in my head already)
((Nobody tell me, I've enough worthless shit in my head already)
Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 16:04,
archived)
Shit, wordsCan you summarise it into a scentence?
(
SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:49,
archived)
Rasmus, Donkey, Rapist, Soup
AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:51,
archived)
Firstly I would have to go back in time, and obviously I would have use the egg-timer, obviously (a very fast one). My plan is to bring the downfall of the 'Dorothy' character in The Golden Girls.
This would alter the course of history by preventing them making several thousand series of this bland sitcom.
Firstly I shall sneak into her house slightly before she returns from Waitrose and feed her dog with the intestines you supplied me with. When she returns from her manly shopping spree to feed her dog, the dog will refuse the food, thus making her feel rejected.
During the day I will get elected onto the Egg Marketing Board, and in my new job as Public Image-Egg Czar I will apoint her as the celebrity spokesperson. She will now be in a position where she will have to be seen to eat eggs, *tee hee* .
Whilst in her house (after feeding her dog) I will remove a grain of sand from the egg timer which I gave her as an appointment present. At the end of the year the sand will shoot through, leaving the eggs she cooks raw. This will cause her to not only become under-nourished but also give her a warped sense of time.
The combination of these two actions will make her feel disturbed so much so that she will not rest well. In her disturbed semi-sleep/semi-musing state I will flick water from a damp toothbrush (by running my thumb along the bristles) into her face. She will wake up thinking she has a cold sweat.
I will phone the local polytechnic and they will put her in a straight-jacket and force her to learn how to cut hair without the use of her hands. Thus never rehabilitating her for society. Millions of viewers will grow up mentally sound (or 'hinged') making society a great deal safer.
(This would alter the course of history by preventing them making several thousand series of this bland sitcom.
Firstly I shall sneak into her house slightly before she returns from Waitrose and feed her dog with the intestines you supplied me with. When she returns from her manly shopping spree to feed her dog, the dog will refuse the food, thus making her feel rejected.
During the day I will get elected onto the Egg Marketing Board, and in my new job as Public Image-Egg Czar I will apoint her as the celebrity spokesperson. She will now be in a position where she will have to be seen to eat eggs, *tee hee* .
Whilst in her house (after feeding her dog) I will remove a grain of sand from the egg timer which I gave her as an appointment present. At the end of the year the sand will shoot through, leaving the eggs she cooks raw. This will cause her to not only become under-nourished but also give her a warped sense of time.
The combination of these two actions will make her feel disturbed so much so that she will not rest well. In her disturbed semi-sleep/semi-musing state I will flick water from a damp toothbrush (by running my thumb along the bristles) into her face. She will wake up thinking she has a cold sweat.
I will phone the local polytechnic and they will put her in a straight-jacket and force her to learn how to cut hair without the use of her hands. Thus never rehabilitating her for society. Millions of viewers will grow up mentally sound (or 'hinged') making society a great deal safer.
gaijintendo Regular Member,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:49,
archived)
More words!Is this national really long post day?
( shrinking man Been away a while, time I ventured back,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:51,
archived)
.... safe in the knowledge that nobody will read it gaijintendo Regular Member,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:52,
archived)
*reads*pah! didn't even get a kinky mention!
*hugs*
TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:53,
archived)
Its in support of people with eye cancer who cant look at pictureselse their eyes will explode
( AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:52,
archived)
the RASMUS ARE ALL OF THE FUCKING GHEY!with a CAPITAL A!
CBA to read though :(
(,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:50,
archived)
CBA to read though :(
I've been watchingI've been waiting
For this post
(For this post
emvee cruor deo cruoris,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:51,
archived)
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Pellentesque at felis non dui consequat sollicitudin. Etiam eget elit at felis malesuada semper. Donec venenatis, purus sed pulvinar malesuada, purus tortor porttitor tellus, a nonummy magna sem eget massa. Cras ut augue. Pellentesque vehicula adipiscing magna. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Suspendisse a nibh. Proin auctor. Fusce vel turpis sit amet est pellentesque mollis. Sed nisl mauris, eleifend vel, lacinia vitae, egestas non, ipsum.
Pellentesque ligula velit, vestibulum in, pulvinar scelerisque, mollis quis, pede. Vivamus sit amet leo vel nibh vulputate auctor. Quisque consequat, libero id dapibus laoreet, dolor quam pellentesque ipsum, sed malesuada mi nulla vitae arcu. Praesent malesuada scelerisque turpis. Nunc eget velit in enim euismod aliquet. Sed vulputate dui sed quam. Praesent facilisis hendrerit nulla. Nulla dapibus hendrerit erat. Nulla at enim vulputate elit rutrum commodo. Morbi porttitor tincidunt turpis. Maecenas nec odio. Maecenas consectetuer, nisl non varius pellentesque, metus libero tempor felis, et convallis libero velit in eros. Nam quis lectus quis augue varius vehicula. Fusce accumsan sem ut sem. Duis mattis, nisl quis porttitor vehicula, nisi erat sagittis mi, lobortis mollis tortor tortor quis odio. Maecenas euismod pretium nisi.
Aliquam dapibus ipsum at augue. Aliquam tristique posuere eros. Cras suscipit volutpat arcu. Duis aliquet odio et lacus dignissim tristique. Aenean mi leo, euismod ut, venenatis eget, faucibus vel, nibh. Donec id tortor. Sed eu dui non nibh vehicula egestas. Donec bibendum risus. Aliquam volutpat quam at urna. Curabitur pharetra sodales purus. Maecenas nonummy scelerisque sapien. Etiam nulla libero, commodo at, mollis vitae, euismod non, lacus. Pellentesque sed urna. Praesent nulla dui, fermentum vitae, rhoncus eget, imperdiet ut, lectus. In vestibulum. Aliquam erat volutpat.
Nulla commodo suscipit nisi. Phasellus orci ipsum, suscipit nec, ornare non, pellentesque vel, tellus. Praesent non velit eget nunc posuere fringilla. Praesent lectus lacus, suscipit vel, sollicitudin sit amet, facilisis a, elit. Nullam sit amet leo non urna hendrerit mollis. Nunc vel nibh at lectus volutpat pharetra. Donec sit amet lacus. Praesent quis sem. Vivamus elementum feugiat sem. Nullam tellus orci, consequat non, eleifend at, venenatis in, ipsum. Praesent egestas nonummy diam. Etiam consequat. Ut id tortor sed libero eleifend nonummy. Fusce molestie blandit orci. Quisque varius massa eget velit. Maecenas ipsum ligula, egestas vel, tempus ultrices, auctor in, ipsum. Nunc ultricies, turpis porta gravida facilisis, felis neque vulputate mauris, id laoreet nibh tellus et ligula. In a cock's arse.
(Pellentesque at felis non dui consequat sollicitudin. Etiam eget elit at felis malesuada semper. Donec venenatis, purus sed pulvinar malesuada, purus tortor porttitor tellus, a nonummy magna sem eget massa. Cras ut augue. Pellentesque vehicula adipiscing magna. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Suspendisse a nibh. Proin auctor. Fusce vel turpis sit amet est pellentesque mollis. Sed nisl mauris, eleifend vel, lacinia vitae, egestas non, ipsum.
Pellentesque ligula velit, vestibulum in, pulvinar scelerisque, mollis quis, pede. Vivamus sit amet leo vel nibh vulputate auctor. Quisque consequat, libero id dapibus laoreet, dolor quam pellentesque ipsum, sed malesuada mi nulla vitae arcu. Praesent malesuada scelerisque turpis. Nunc eget velit in enim euismod aliquet. Sed vulputate dui sed quam. Praesent facilisis hendrerit nulla. Nulla dapibus hendrerit erat. Nulla at enim vulputate elit rutrum commodo. Morbi porttitor tincidunt turpis. Maecenas nec odio. Maecenas consectetuer, nisl non varius pellentesque, metus libero tempor felis, et convallis libero velit in eros. Nam quis lectus quis augue varius vehicula. Fusce accumsan sem ut sem. Duis mattis, nisl quis porttitor vehicula, nisi erat sagittis mi, lobortis mollis tortor tortor quis odio. Maecenas euismod pretium nisi.
Aliquam dapibus ipsum at augue. Aliquam tristique posuere eros. Cras suscipit volutpat arcu. Duis aliquet odio et lacus dignissim tristique. Aenean mi leo, euismod ut, venenatis eget, faucibus vel, nibh. Donec id tortor. Sed eu dui non nibh vehicula egestas. Donec bibendum risus. Aliquam volutpat quam at urna. Curabitur pharetra sodales purus. Maecenas nonummy scelerisque sapien. Etiam nulla libero, commodo at, mollis vitae, euismod non, lacus. Pellentesque sed urna. Praesent nulla dui, fermentum vitae, rhoncus eget, imperdiet ut, lectus. In vestibulum. Aliquam erat volutpat.
Nulla commodo suscipit nisi. Phasellus orci ipsum, suscipit nec, ornare non, pellentesque vel, tellus. Praesent non velit eget nunc posuere fringilla. Praesent lectus lacus, suscipit vel, sollicitudin sit amet, facilisis a, elit. Nullam sit amet leo non urna hendrerit mollis. Nunc vel nibh at lectus volutpat pharetra. Donec sit amet lacus. Praesent quis sem. Vivamus elementum feugiat sem. Nullam tellus orci, consequat non, eleifend at, venenatis in, ipsum. Praesent egestas nonummy diam. Etiam consequat. Ut id tortor sed libero eleifend nonummy. Fusce molestie blandit orci. Quisque varius massa eget velit. Maecenas ipsum ligula, egestas vel, tempus ultrices, auctor in, ipsum. Nunc ultricies, turpis porta gravida facilisis, felis neque vulputate mauris, id laoreet nibh tellus et ligula. In a cock's arse.
Manic can teach you the secret of fire,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:51,
archived)
I could agree moreBut it's almost 4 and I have some heavy ass scratching to do.
(,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:53,
archived)
Manic:Don't split your infinitives.
We ain't fooled.
(We ain't fooled.
Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 16:18,
archived)
EASTER EGG!the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog...
or summat like this!
(,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:52,
archived)
or summat like this!
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Tem incidunt duis adionse magnis numsandre elenis delisl dolor susto eu feugait ilit lum nulland igniam, conse commy nonsed ming eriureetuer si et atue commolor si.
(,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:52,
archived)
Tem incidunt duis adionse magnis numsandre elenis delisl dolor susto eu feugait ilit lum nulland igniam, conse commy nonsed ming eriureetuer si et atue commolor si.
just spotted the very last sentencenow trying to explain my merriment to Mrs Raff...
without much success
(without much success
RiffRaff lurking like a lurky thing,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:53,
archived)
same to you, mateif words were turds, the boards a shit-salad
(
cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:54,
archived)
RISI'm RISsing 'cos I only look at teh pictures
( RiffRaff lurking like a lurky thing,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:52,
archived)
hahahahaan unconventional approach, but you know what............?
it just might work!
(it just might work!
Just Flange,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:52,
archived)
In which case I'd like to take this oppertunity to call you a cunt AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:55,
archived)
Oppertunity anddefinately are two words I can't read.
*looks up in dictionary*... Can't find them there either.
(*looks up in dictionary*... Can't find them there either.
F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed.,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 16:33,
archived)
same herebut some of the words look similar to the ones on the piece of paper i got from the judge before i went to prison.
donkey
rape/rope (not sure which)
carrot
boiling
(donkey
rape/rope (not sure which)
carrot
boiling
swaza I'm bad, I'm bad. You know it. I'm bad.,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:58,
archived)
Who IS the Rasmus?or is it a band - in which case - all at once - or one by one?
( gaijintendo Regular Member,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 15:56,
archived)
If you look at this upside down:he levitates using piss - and a donkey still has sex with a stick - but upside down this time
( gaijintendo Regular Member,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 16:04,
archived)
And the soup looks like the eye of sauronif you were mad
( AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now,
Thu 19 Oct 2006, 16:08,
archived)
