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[challenge entry] Evenin' all



Inspired by my worst employee ever.

It's his first day. We only met the day before. We're in the delivery van and have been on the road for maybe 5 minutes.

It's 1990. About 3 in the afternoon. Bette Midler's 'From a Distance' is playing on the radio, prompting the lad to begin this sensitive and sincere exchange:

Him: That's an interesting song. Makes you think.

Me: Just a mo.

(I complete my turn on a tricky intersection in heavy traffic and decide not to waste my breath on a mini-lecture about timing.)

Me: Sorry.... you were saying?

Him: I said it's an interesting song, this one.

(long pause)

Him: Do you ever wonder if, like, your grandparents watch you from Heaven when you masturbate?

Me: I fucking *beg* your pardon?!

Him: I was just wondering if, you know... like when you masturbate... um, if your grandparents... erm.... Ooh, look! A bird!

We didn't speak for the rest of the hour-long drive.

From the Selling Celibacy challenge. See all 240 entries (closed)

(I helped save b3ta! Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:17, archived)
# hahahahaha
nutters - where would we be without them!
(I helped save b3ta! Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:19, archived)
# Did your gran not watch you when she was alive then?
(I helped save b3ta! LordManley twitter.com/LordManley, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:19, archived)
# haha
good pic, good story
(I helped save b3ta! Milkman Dan, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:20, archived)
# hahahaha
*clicks*
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs.Sp@m, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:23, archived)
# Hahaha
That would've been a very painful drive... How long did you work for him?
(I helped save b3ta! BargeArse Maker of fine Trouser Trumpets since 1863, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:23, archived)
# He worked for me.
For one day short of a very long fortnight.
(I helped save b3ta! Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:24, archived)
# ah!
I'm sure the jokes were endless... Oh well his grandparents are still watching him do it...
(I helped save b3ta! BargeArse Maker of fine Trouser Trumpets since 1863, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:26, archived)
# I was buying a sandwich yesterday in Sapr...
And a lad (student) said to me in the cue (I've never met him before)

"do you ever find yourself in a dicotamy, one minute you think maybe you are a super hero who can save the world and the next minute you are a worthless peice of shit?"

"Not normally at lunch time" I replied.

"Oh, but do you think...... etc"

The conversation went on, but sadly he picked the wrong person to talk philosophy to as I will happily stand there and discount any dribble spouted... He left with his tail firmly between his legs promising not to be a twat in the cue from then on and convinced he will fail his philosophy course... Oh Hum...
(I helped save b3ta! benkai Doing nothing as of ..., Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:47, archived)
# so it took you
bloody 16 years to get over that discussion you had in 1990? wow you are rather resentful.
(MarkP0rter is an annoying faggot, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:52, archived)
# I'm still getting over
the sheer disappointment of not seeing the bird.

night-night
(I helped save b3ta! Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Thu 30 Nov 2006, 0:04, archived)
# G'night...
(I helped save b3ta! benkai Doing nothing as of ..., Thu 30 Nov 2006, 0:05, archived)
# I'd thought of that.
I think it's called the Dead Mans Wank or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Spunk Murphy Tchaikovsky is a synonym for fanny, apparently, Fri 1 Dec 2006, 21:02, archived)