NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 135: "WE'VE NOT MET THE RIGHT GIRL YET EITHER"
This Week:
* ANIM - Damon Albarn is a cunt
* RATHERGOOD - biggest cat ever
* RADIO - MJ Hibbett live
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"
B3ta email 135 - 14 May 2004
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue135/
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsub: [email protected]
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
Blur, Rathergood & Gollywogs
>> Damon Albarn is a cunt <<
Oooh, we have a new talent lurking in B3ta town.
His name is the Bowers Machine and he thinks
the singer from Blur is a cunt. He has made
this genius bit of video to prove it. BTW: As
Blur's drummer Dave Rowntree is a reader of this
very newsletter, we passed it on to him for his
comments: "Fuck me, that is brilliant! You've
got to admit, we all look like cunts in
that picture."
http://www.blogjam.com/blur/
>> Rathergood & B3ta collaboration <<
A few weeks ago Rob Manuel and Joel Veitch were
sent a CD with a note, "adore your stuff. We're
a band called Youth of Britain. Fancy knocking
us out a video?" We listened to their music,
loved it, and thought, "yeah. Let's do it."
http://youthofbritain.com/guvnor/
>> Racist Welsh Gollywog <<
Back in the 50s Gollywogs were popular kids
toys in the UK. They've fallen out of favour
due to concerns about racial stereotyping.
This doesn't seem to worry the Welsh though,
who are happy to not only sell them in toyshops,
but place them in police cars with a white
driver. Thanks to Chris OTR for this bit of
opportunistic snapping.
http://b3ta.com/board/3164863
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: B3TA RADIO
Revenge stories & MJ '16k' Hibbett sings live
>> Question of the week <<
Each week we ask you a question and use the
best material for our lovely little radio
show. Here are some of our favourite stories
this week:
* "Someone who left their job recently printed
'cunts' in 8 point pale grey on a couple of
reams of paper, and filled the photocopier
with it." (Supermoore)
* "In a certain North London Fire Station,
there is a photograph of the then Prime
Minister, Margaret Thatcher. She is surrounded
by the boys of Red Watch and smiling whilst
holding a large mug of tea. Each of the
firemen in that photo had specially wiped
their dirty, stinking cocks around the inside
of the mug before her 'photo-op' visit."
(george_w_anker)
* "Utter bitch of a flatmate / landlady was on
the slim-fast diet. I swapped her slim-fast
for Build-Up. She never twigged." (badhorsey)
All these stories and more on the site:
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/revenge/
>> Oooh... Special Guest <<
Our retro gaming nerdstalgia video did rather
well last week. Hundreds of thousands of views
from around the world - we were even asked by
a Norwegian TV show called Nerd for our
permission to show the video this coming
Sunday. (Er.. we said yes.)
In celebration of our pan-media conquistador-ing
we've invited the songwriter MJ Hibbett into
the radio studio to perform three of his
songs live.
If you missed Hey Hey 16k last week then
here it is again:
http://www2.b3ta.com/heyhey16k/
So catch b3ta radio at 4pm BST today, Friday
the 13th of May on 104.4FM in London, or
via the live streaming web link:
http://www.resonancefm.com/resonance.m3u
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: HUMAN ZOO
Gay Marvin
Homosexualists have provided pin-up fodder to
teenage girls since pop music began. The trick
is to claim in interviews, "you haven't met
the right girl yet" whilst letting your manager
give you one up the shitter after every
appearance on CD-UK.
Maybe that's all about to change. Meet Gay
Marvin. He's er.. called Marvin, he's gay and
he's the fag hags' favourite. He even includes
handy tips on resurgence of the 50s gay slang,
Palare.
Will the pop buying kids take him to their
hearts as a particularly glamorous Ken doll?
Or will pop managers carry on advising that
gay men stay in the closet?
Anyhows, vada his site if you like chicken.
(in a basket)
http://www.hussey.uk.com/gallerymarvin.htm
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: FRIDAY GAME
Panda Golf
"The whole office has been playing Panda Golf
all week" moans Spammage2000, "Like a decent
crack habit it's a lot of fun at first but
then ruins your life."
Woot. This is a lovely little game which we'd
still be playing now if we didn't have a
newsletter to write.
http://www.boberil.com/pandafgolf/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Jesus action figures <<
Yeah yeah yeah. Seen it all before, but this vid
is grrrrreat. BTW: If you enjoy this, why not
drop a quid in their tipjar. They are running
out of bandwidth and are about to get a big
bill.
http://www.jesus-action-figure.com/
>> Throw the ball <<
Enjoy this simple, charming and effective
interactive toy where you move a ball about
whilst a crowd of hands catch it.
http://clownstaples.toiletstall.us/swf/arms12.swf
>> William Shatner update <<
"A couple of issues ago you had a link to a
site that featured the acting talents of the great
Shat" emotes Grubbymitts, "I've found a site
with his singing talents too." Woo. This made
us laugh out loud. Tried it on the missus and
she sat stony faced - so maybe it's just one
for the geekier readers.
http://whatsnewkhan.ytmnd.com/
>> Pixel toy <<
We love the web and we love the very pixels
it's made from. There's something about big
pixels that gives us the horn. Imagine
the size of our collective erection when
we found we could buy plastic pixels and
build things from them. Fantastic.
http://www.thinkgeek.com/cubegoodies/toys/6950/
>> Plastic wank aid <<
Oh Jesus. The crap people think up and sell.
This one just turns our stomach. For God's
sake - what's wrong with a good honest
hand shandy?
http://www.exet.nu/html/sales/softie/softiework.sh...
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Highland calves.
We all know that Highland cattle rock bells.
But have you ever seen a baby one? You're
in for a ginger treat.
http://www.lauriecampbell.com/printshop/pages/p20_...
BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
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: BIT TORRENT TV
What we've been watching this week
The cool kids have given up on DVDs and Sky+
and now download their TV directly from the
web using Bit Torrent.
Here's some of the stuff we've looked at in
the last few days.
>> Millennium Series Two <<
Chris Carter's follow-up to the X-Files improves
greatly with season 2 - as it concentrates on
the deeper mythology, eschewing single episode
stories in favour of a series arc. It's spooky
and engaging stuff. Certainly better than the
"serial killer of the week" approach of the
earlier season.
>> Angel - penultimate episode <<
Joss Wheedon's Angel draws almost to a close
leaving the writer free to work on his film
adaptation of TV-flop Firefly.
>> Tripods series 2 - one episode <<
Part of the joy of torrenting is finding stuff
that isn't simply ripped off recent TV or
DVD but stuff from fans private VHS
collections - shared simply because fans are
passionate. The second series of the Tripods
has never had a DVD release, and this lonely
episode makes us wish we could see more.
FYI: Ceri Seel - the young actor who played
Beanpole - after leaving the show became a
Buddhist, lived with Ian Brown from the Stone
Roses and died a couple of years ago from a
long term mystery illness. Poor chap.
Down all this stuff and more via the rather
wonderful suprnova:
http://www.suprnova.org/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2
Mad car, Evil clowns and crabs
>> Mad person's car <<
"I don't know the 'artist' personally,"
writes taiwan_on, "but I saw this fantastic car
and took some pics of it. Seems this woman
collects those 'free with fast food purchase' toys
and glues them all over the roof of her car."
Blimey. What a nutter. Fantastic though.
http://snipurl.com/6ejy
>> Evil clown <<
Clowns. They leave us indifferent but our inbox
disagrees. You hate them. You fear them. And this
short will give you the willies. Blame the
inappropriately named Happyperson for giving
you the fear:
http://www.happyperson.co.uk/clown.html
>> Odd crab thing <<
"Hello guys," trills Andy Shan," I've made this
story about a guy, a crab and a levitating
head." Er... this is just odd, but we actually
rather enjoyed it. Maybe you will too.
http://snipurl.com/6ek0
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the One Million Years BC Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted to see what things were
like one million years before chips:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/onemillionyearsbc/
We asked B3ta boarder 'Dr Nick Riviera' to judge
the entries - here are his 3 faves.
Dr Nick writes -
#1 "It'll never catch on - Beautifully done, and
gives a rare insight into the sophisticated
tastes of our ancestors. (Darryn.R)
http://b3ta.com/board/3153546
#2 "The advent of razors - This is puerile, rude
and childish, which is why I love it. It also
explains why Cavey needs his big club, the poor
inadequate. (Oldwhit)
http://b3ta.com/board/3152957
#3 "We would have evolved so much better - Top
notch. Great drawing skills, simple concept,
and a warning to us all." (Devilstick)
http://b3ta.com/board/3157167
"I'd like to mention Haku for finding the
origins of my favourite meme. Also, anyone who
disagrees with these results is welcome to
arrange a fight with me."
http://b3ta.com/board/3152563
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, B3ta contributor "Sue Denham" gave us
the suggestion, "Things you don't want to see
in hospital"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/hospital/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* SPITFIRE VID - "I live about a mile from where
last week's video was recorded (Eastleigh, Hants)."
barks Timothy Claypole. "They recently put up
a metal wire frame type thingy of a spitfire
on the nearest roundabout to the airstrip, only,
and you'll like this, it's erected next to a
GERMAN car manufacturer showroom (namely
Mercedes). In fact, it's orientated in such a
way that it looks like the spitfire has
strafed the building!"
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Games we'd really like to see include
* CROSSSWORDS - a game based upon not pissing
in another mans wee stream in a public
urinal. Crossing swords makes you instantly
gay - hence losing the game.
* EIFFEL TOWER PENNY DROP - you're a tourist.
Drop coins from a great height to kill the
French. Extra points for killing mime
artists.
* LEOPARDY JEOPARDY - a game for two where
each player sticks their hand further
into the cage. Winner is the first person
not to lose an arm.
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by amazongirl_uk, strangequark,
mike trinder & Jon Tollman.
Top Tippery by Ravey Davey.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the happy b4ta monkeys. (75005)
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TOP TIP:
You're going out and you're going to drink a
load of booze. You know you'll feel like shit
in the morning, but equally that when you come
back in you can't be arsed to do anything to
prevent it. Before you go out, put a chair on
your bed. On that chair carefully balance a
glass of water and two paracetomols. When you
drunkenly stumble home, you'll have to drink
the water etc. before you're able to crawl
into bed. Or, at the very least, you'll have
an exciting pissed-up challenge.
