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This Week:
* VIDEO - Tramps drink Captain Morgan
* CASH - the Queen sucks Ozzy cock
* GIFS - Star Wars in 168k

________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 202 - 28 Oct 2005

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  The end of the world is nigh

  "Something very strange is happening in the
  Barents Sea. An island is reported missing.
  Panic is spreading like wildfire.  Tune into
  ESN News for rolling updates, picture updates
  and up-to-the minute, err...updates." 

  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.


  Queen cock, Star Wars, B3ta Calendar

  >> Captain Morgan = tramp drink << 
  Captain Morgan make rum. We're sure it's very
  lovely and they didn't commission this rather
  amusing little video of a young gentleman
  slurping down on the blind-juice. (Thanks

  >> Rude money <<
  Australian reader xiangk follows up last week's
  mention of how to make the Queen smile on a fiver
  with, "My mum taught me this trick when I was in
  fourth grade - folding an Australian five dollar   
  bill to create an image that resembles fellatio.
  It's made me laugh ever since." Made us laugh too.
  Our Queen loves teh cock.

  >> Star Wars in 168k <<
  We don't generally link to much of the
  photoshopping stuff on our site from the
  newsletter, but this is special. FoldsFive
  has made a couple of tiny animations which
  tell the story of Star Wars all in little
  pixels. They've been all over the web ten
  times already before this mention, so big
  woos for our man:


  Come to the pub with b3ta people

  Ooh. We've been meaning to give our calendar
  a write-up for a while. It's simple enough
  really: you can set up an event and ask
  people to come, or read other people's events
  and come along. Hopefully meaning more beer
  for everyone and the company of people you've
  already got something in common with. 


  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Lost song <<
  Been watching Lost? Fantastic show. As we're
  so media-spunky, we're ahead of the curve and
  have been watching season two via bum-torrents
  and divy-xs. Anyway, fans will enjoy this
  slightly mental tribute where the cast sing 
  Queen's Bohemian Rhapsoody.

  >> Relaxed cat <<
  Enjoying this video of a cat laying on his
  back. It's the confused mewing that does
  it for us.

  >> Derelict London <<
  The official B3ta wife, Lucy, was looking for
  ideas of where to take the official B3ta Mum
  for a Saturday afternoon walk and she
  suggested the Parkland Walk, a disused railway
  line in North London. Check out the photos,
  they're great. Actually, have a look at the
  rest of the site for some fantastic images of
  our knackered capital.

  >> Very cool illusion <<
  Quite partial to a quick optical illusion at
  B3ta HQ. It reminds us of being young and
  pointing torches into our eyes to get

  >> Carrots make you orange <<
  Twenty years ago a bloke called David Redhead
  told us that "eating carrots makes you go
  orange" and that it was true because he'd
  "watched it in an episode of Juliet Bravo."
  We still don't know if he was telling us porkies,
  as this bloke's been eating them for two weeks
  now and his skin is still as white as snow.  

  >> Popcorn <<
  What's the best thing about an Ethiopian
  blowjob? You know she'll swallow. And speaking
  of rotten jokes from the past, remember the
  Popcorn tune? You know. Pop pop pop pop pop p'
  pop? Exhaustive history here. If you've got
  some headphones, it's kinda fascinating to
  hear all the different versions.


  Spazzy game, Sky News & Google game

  >> Spazzer game <<
  "Hi, I've made a game which may make people
  spack out", belms mr.BIG, "hope you enjoy it."
  Not bad actually. The unique selling point
  here is you have to click a moving button
  whilst the screen flashes black and white.
  Tricky, and not suitable for epileptics.
  BTW: The story doing the rounds that schools
  don't allow teachers to say "Brain Storm"
  (preferring "Thought Shower") is an urban myth.
  The National Society for Epilepsy found that
  93% of people with the condition do not find
  the word brainstorming offensive. The other 7%
  are too busy dribbling.

  >> Rude names on Sky News <<
  Ravenblack has been amusing himself by inventing
  rude names - of the Mike Hunt variety - and
  sending in comments to the Sky News website for
  them to print. "The editors either like a laugh or
  don't notice," he giggles. We're generally amused
  by the idea, the finest example being Chris
  Morris's 1995 airport tannoy announcements for
  "Arheddis Varkenjaab and Aywellbe Fayed"
  (I hate this fucking job, and I will be fired)
  and "Awul Dasfilshabeda and Nowaynayda Zheet"
  (Oo-ah, that feels better and now I need a shit)
  Maybe you can join in the fun and think up
  some more?

  >> Google Snake Game <<
  Philipp Lenssen has invented a geeky little
  office time-waster. First you think of a word
  such as "Monkey" and google it. Then your
  friend adds a word, say, "Monkey with" and
  googles that. First person to get zero results
  loses the game and has to take a forfeit. (Link
  goes to a longer description of the same thing)


  First Love

  Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes
  and lies into one handy place on the interweb.
  Last week we asked for your first loves:

  Here are three short and sweet stories that
  illustrate the gaping void between the sexes:

  >> Dog shit stick <<   
  "Hazy memory, but I was about 5, just started
  school and her name was Claire. We loved each
  other, and I decided to show my love to her in
  the only way I knew how - I found a twig,
  dipped it in dog shit and wiped it on her
  jacket. The school gave me detention for the
  rest of lunchtime. Funnily enough, we are not
  together any more." (4dam)
  >> Pacman sex <<
  "Remington Youth Club, 1995. She was called
  Sarah. I thought she said I kissed like Batman.
  "No, you kiss like Pacman". It was short-lived."
  >> Head butting a giant <<
  "Not my first love, but the next girlfriend
  I had (aged 10) was considerably taller than me.
  After a tiring game of "kiss chase" she consented
  to a quick smooch. Rather than do the sensible
  thing and stand on tip toes or gently pull her
  down to me, I decided to jump up and plant a
  big smackeroo on her. Unfortunately I went a bit
  too far and head-butted her in the nose, causing
  blood to piss out all over the shop. Hope you
  don't have a crooked nose now Victoria Wright -
  sorry." (Bearos)

  >> This Week's Question <<

  We'd like know what strange things you always carry
  with you, just in case. Talk to us here:


  Results from the Bad to Worse Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted to see how bad situations 
  could get much, much worse.

  We asked b3ta boarder Curis to judge the
  entries - here are his 3 faves.

  Curis writes -

  #1  I dropped my coffee! - Packing a surreal 
  and counter-intuitive climax this entry jigs 
  around with seamy manic glee. Well, jigs as 
  much as a non-animated entry can. Top notch 
  work. (Count Vanderhoff)

  #2  Geoffery, there's a coin in my food!! - 
  Vaguely reminiscent of Titus Andronicus' 
  legendary antics.  Class usage of the crash 
  zoom effect. (mofaha)

 #3 There's nothing worse than... - as if eating 
 real actual fruit wasn't bad enough, this 
 superbly animated scenario unfolds with a 
 disturbing air of feasibility. (Dr.Dunno)

  >> This Week's Challenge <<

  This week, the Challenge Dictator wants you 
  to get dressed like a robot, and submit the 


  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * B3TA PEOPLE LOVE MOONCUPS - we had numerous
    emails from lady B3ta readers saying how
    much they preferred the eggcup over a jam-rag
    in dealing with the blob. E.g.: "Since you asked,
    yes, they are better. I no longer have to lie
    awake at night fretting over whether a sad-eyed
    dolphin or rare endangered turtle is tragically
    choking to death on one of my used tampons,
    flushed out to sea by uncaring waste-water
    treatment companies." Woo.

  * GINGER FUHRER LAPTOP - last week we may have
    mentioned once or twice how the red-haired
    umlaut had had his laptop stolen. Rach made
    us a lovely little drawing of how to prevent
    this in the future:


  Bouncy game

  This game scores points for its sheer oddness.
  Can you bounce the blocks to hit the heads of
  the other characters on the screen? Kept us
  busy for oooh 5 minutes.



  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * "Hêÿã PèêP§!! Wé gt ߺ®éÐ ¤ñ (v)§ñ §¤ wé
    ÐꩦÐëÐ (v)ªkê ª §¦té! ¦ƒ ú wûÐ Lÿk 
    ©¤ñtª©t ù§ §ëñÐ ú§ ãñ è(v)å¦l º® ãÐÐ Øû®
    (v)§ñ§..." Does this make any sense to 
    you? How about a game where you have to
    convert l33t speak back into English
    against a clock?

  * LUNCHTIME BREAKOUT - some friends of ours 
    mentioned a game they used to play at 
    work. Each lunchtime they'd try
    and get the furthest away from their
    office via the tube, take a camera phone
    photo and scoot back. Sounds fun.

  Send contributions via the mail form.

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


  Subscribe:  [email protected]
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  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with 
  David Stevenson.
  Stuff sent in by Dr Mike, Austen W00T,
  timpers69, Lucy Lizard, Somersetchris,
  nic_in_space, kibethewalrus, allena_2002,
  tumes, moogy boobles & writeto_angelfish.
  Top Tippery by Fantastical monkey
  Additional linkage and image challenge by 
  Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Proofing by the hooded b4ta rapists.
  (105461 - 30402)

  To test between a boiled egg and a raw egg,
  simply spin it. A raw egg will be hesitant and
  spin wobbly, but a boiled egg will spin smoothly.

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