Abusing freebiesA friend of mine recently attended a 'Champaign Lunch', where he was compelled drink as much fizzy stuff as he could between the first and last courses. In an ideal world we'd ask restaurant staff to tell us stories about fatties stuffing themselves at All You Can Eat places, but we recognise that our members don't all work in the catering trade, so for the rest of you - tell us something about abusing freebies. BTW: Bee puns = you fail.
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lizard, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 14:16)
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Bar mitzvahsare the best place to get wankered and eat.
Back in the day, my mate Nick (not his real name) turned 13 and by Jewish law (him being Jewish and all) he had to conduct a religious service in order to legally become a man. This, of course, took three hours and left all present in a foul mood that could be assuaged only by mounds of high-cholesterol food and potent bubbly.
My friends and I, being completely against religion (being 15 and rebellious - how ridiculous we must have been, the only ones dressed in black and wearing jewellery [of the men, that is]) had all fucked off outside to have a smoke. We see this caterer's van pulling up, and people unloading vast quantities of the abovementioned tasties and drinks. One of us suggested that we eat early so as not to suffer the crush that is a result of a religiously-inspired feeding frenzy.
We sauntered in and proceeded to load our arms with trays, and sauntered out. After running back to our place, we got well and truly shitfaced before stuffing ourselves with the finest cake and canapés.
Six hours later, my mates had fucked off and the family came in to find me throwing a noisy Herbert in the bathroom. Dad started laying into me and calling me useless. So I ate him, as all that chundering had made me peckish.
Apologies for length, I was born this way
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 12:34, Reply)
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