we can laugh at this... but only now
Me and the bro were in a band a few years ago. Mainly covers but with a few of our own songs thrown in for good measure. We sounded good when we did any rehearsals, which was few and far between cause the lead guitarist (who will remain nameless cause he was about as much use as broken condom) decided the football was much more deserving of his time. Anyway, said guitarist managed to get us a gig as he knew a guy from the local running club (or whatever the fuck it was) who was putting on a night for all the club members. We thought 'yea, might as well do something for a change'. Worst. Decision. Ever...

So to start with, we got to the place - the local football club, and if anyone here plays in a band and has played in a football club you know that its gonna turn out shite. How shite? The parents had brought their kids to the place, and were playing Tag when we were setting up in the main hall. We played Chillies, Oasis - that sorta shit, and by the looks of it they were expecting Neil Young or Dolly Parton.

As we were setting up, the drummer noticed he hadn't brought the hihats. Pissed off faces all round. 'Right, no problem, we're gonna go home, get fed and come back. We can pick them up when we're on our way'. No problems.

We do a little tune up, a quick practice (without the hats) and everything is grand. The bro and I leave to get fed and changed and pick up the hats. The drummer, 'guitarist' and the singer sat there.

So we come back around half 9 or so, to see the broken condom of a guitarist half pished. Fucksakes...

To give you an idea of how bad he was, he couldn't tune his own guitar. WITH A TUNER. And he has been playing guitar FAR longer than i've been playing bass. Which was about a year before joining the band.

So we deicide that it would be a good idea to start before he gets to fucked out of his own skull. We start with Oasis - Supersonic. The 'guitarist' starts to play the opening riff - when suddenly we realise - HIS GUITAR ISN'T EVEN IN TUNE. We play on to a crowd of about 5 including children.

Two songs in - RAFFLE. A fucking raffle. The organiser asks our singer if he could do the announcing, which he does beautifully.

The raffle ends, and half of the audience fuck off home. The rest piss off to the bar. :|

So here we are, playing to an empty hall (well, I say empty, the kids were enjoying the space playing tag). Two songs left in the set, and the drummer decides he's had enough. As hes about to stand and get a swift pint, Captain Broken Prophylactic turns to him and roars 'SIT THE FUCK DOWN'. Me, my bro and the singer burst into laughter, and decide fuckit, one more for the road and then we're done.

We finish, and at the end the organiser is standing at the back of the hall giving us a pity clap. Our very first round of applause.

We got 100 notes out of it, which Cockhands McCantplayforshit takes and proceeds to snort up his fuckin nose. Never seen a penny from that one.

But to be fair, didn't get boo'ed off, bottled, or had any piss thrown at us. So in some respects... It could have been worse.

Heres one of the songs we did ...
https://soundcloud.com/no-more-heroes-ni/no-more-heroes-evolution
(blowfelt www.soundcloud.com/blowfelt, Sat 27 Jul 2013, 15:15, 2 replies)

at least you can laugh at this story.
because i guarantee nobody else will.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 28 Jul 2013, 12:06, closed)

epic contribution
as always janet
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 30 Jul 2013, 16:20, closed)