just plain weird
pizza shop + dud orders = staff pizza's.
nice pizza's + hungry staff = tasty treat.
yucky ingredients + no interest from staff = cold, stale, gross pizza.


at the end of the night, cleaning up the shop, i put an old, gross, stale pizza into the garbage bin. "muddy" - as we nicknamed him - came back from a late delivery, fished a few slices and began munching on his free treat. that had been in the bin along with everything that i had swept up from the floor.

my boss and i noticed that he seemed to have magically found some pizza, and we couldn't work out where he got it. it finally dawned on us that he MUST have taken it from the bin.

the next day, the same circumstances. old gross pizza that no one else touched, muddy took a slice for a late delivery, as i was beginning the clean up. i strategically placed the leftover pizza underneath other various rubbish. muddy bait as i called it. sure enough, he walked back in, saw that clean up had started and dove into the bin, actually grinning when he found his glorious pizza. my boss and i took turns in placing sick-ass shit ontop of bin-pizza, atleast 10 times.

without fail, he would piss on the floor.

one time, while he was making himself a chicken satay pizza, he let me know that "satay sauce was better than sex, especially because i don't have to pay for it".

one time, he walked in, remained quiet for a few minutes, and then BURST out laughing. like, tears. i asked him what he was laughing at, and (this was at roughly 7pm saturday night) he replied "oh nothing..... well i just remembered something i heard on the radio wednesday morning."

sometimes, when the boss was up the front and he was in the back, i came in thru the front door and would catch him "dancing" to the radio while washing dishes. seeing a lanky guy, washing dishes, bobbing to cows with guns like it was funky town can make you turn around, go back outside, laugh and then come back inside wiping tears from your face.

he came back from a delivery with a bright red face and obvious dried up tears on his cheeks, dropped off his money and walked out. the next day, he brought a piece of paper entitled "untitled.txt" claiming that the "disgusting people at teased him, calling him "dougie" etc, and that if he ever was instructed to take a delivery back there, their pizza would have a mayonnaises type substance on it - and it wouldn't be mayonnaise. "

on his last day (he actually quit and wasn't fired) he said goodbye to everyone, and left. around half an hour later, he came back, sporting a joker/juggler style hat that you see jokers in a deck of cards wearing, a tuxedo like jacket (ontop of his work clothes) and a party horn whistle thing. for reasons unknown, he actually came back inside to say goodbye to everyone, again, with a special costume.

you can't make this up.

i'll talk to my boss and see if he remembers anymore shit that muddy did.


length? 9, 12 or 15 inches.
(BLuFFaLo, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 8:01, 5 replies)

As with many of these stories
He doesn't really sound like a bastard at all. He just sounds slightly strange.

Also, you're the one who's presumably still working at a fast-food restaurant, so I wouldn't feel too smug.
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 8:57, closed)

clumsy
The question clearly states "the weird one with no mates", which would seem to fit with this story.

For god's sake at least it's not a pun.

Do you somehow feel that the job one does has a baring on how seriously you take their opinion?

*strokes imaginary beard*
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 12:44, closed)

I didn't say it impacted on how seriously I took his opinion
I was referring to the fact that his 'bastard' colleague had, at least, managed to escape the pizza shop.
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 13:39, closed)

You
appear to be assuming that clearly no-one would choose to work in such an establishment and that "onward and upward" should be the goal of every right-thinking person.

But you know nothing of this person or their circumstances - is it a second job? Are they a student trying to earn cash? Or maybe, are they someone who has no aspirations/qualifications and is simply happy to be doing a job? And yes, there is the possibility that they don't want to be there and are trying to get out, but why victimise someone because of the job they are doing?

Whatever, your somewhat patronising middle-class assumptions got on my nerves.

*adds puffing on an imaginary pipe to his imaginary beard stroking*
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 13:46, closed)

well said MrC
the attitude of "you're ONLY a pizza maker" or anything relating that someone having a higher paid job somehow makes them a "better" person is just fucking disgusting. (ok.. if you are curing cancer or stabbing paedos. then i'l let you off)

I sincerely hope you are not employed in any form of management as your attitude of "I'm the manager therefore I'm a better person than you" will truly make you the bastard colleague.

When I've been working in Management, I know I'm their "boss" as far as work is concerned.. but beyond that they are my equals and what the hell would give me the right to be condescending to them??? Because I get paid more than them? Because I have to manage their time?

Sorry, but this attitude regularly evokes a rant out of me.. and I think I've managed to keep my rant-monster at bay and under control here (proven by the fact that this post isnt over 500 lines long)
(ShavenLunatic says touch your nose!, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 15:10, closed)