German sausage
Würst thing I've ever eaten.

Getan wordun?
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Sat 28 May 2011, 15:37, 5 replies)

Anybody remember
Heinz chocolate baked beans? They were on sale for not very long at all in the late 90s.
They were probably the most ill-advised idea concocted.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sat 28 May 2011, 13:40, 4 replies)

Kobe Beef

( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Sat 28 May 2011, 13:20, 3 replies)

Not the worst or the best, more a cooking disaster really, I'm pissing on the graves of the people who created qotw
I was making a bread and butter pudding. I'd poured the custard on and was just about to put it in the oven and had a brain wave. A little of Mrs Ring of fire's home made apricot jam would give a nice sweet caramelized layer on the top. Brilliant.

25 minutes later it was ready. I can report that bread and butter pudding topped with spicy Mango Chutney doesn't work at all.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 28 May 2011, 12:53, 3 replies)

Plain Potato, no skin, no butter, no salt, nothing but pure potato.... from a hospital trolly.
Those who know me on here know that I have something called Crones Desease. I won't get into the blah-blah about it, but growing up they had a treatment called "CT3211", it was something expermental by Nestlé designed for astronaughts. It's a formular containing everything you need to stay alive nutritionally... and nothing else. Space wise, I presume they're allowed to put some sort of flavouring in it, but crones wise, it was the extreme bare minimum as to what you need. The idea is that it'll do a total detox of your body, that there is nothing inside you that isn't accounted for, even chewing gum was out. This forumular, medically sterial water (tastes matalic, it's not just boiled water), and.... that's it. Third time around I was allowed Crusha milkshake syrup with the forumlar, which I'll get onto later on.

The formula was horrific tasting, it had the consistency of a McDonalds milkshake, ever so slightly lumpy. The smell was that of Off Milk, and there mear smell of off-milk now brings me both a bad nostalgia and nausea. Taste wise, without the crusha milkshake, it's still Off Milkish, I think Cardboard would be the most similar thing I can think of at the moment, but it was worst than that. Out of my friends and family who tried a taste of it, hardly any could swallow without reflex gags. I had to have two litres of the stuff, and nothing else. I wasn't even allowed to brush my teeth, but once a week I would need a singular crisp or bite of a mars bar.... and that was bliss.

Dad wrote to Crusha to explain my situation on the third time, as I was gracefully allowed to add the sweet syrup. I'll be honest, it helped, but it was still terrible. In return one morning I woke up to find about 10 boxes in the kitchen with my name on; very exciting to a kid. I opened them up to find bottle upon bottle of Crusha, chocolate, banana (the best one), strawberry.... passion fruit, blueberry, rasberry, toffee, and many many more that never made it to manufacturing (I can't remember the others, but I remember there were 12 flavours in total).

After two months of this, my body is finally rebooted, for lack of a better word, and after the results of a Colonoscopy, I was allowed to be reintroduced back onto food, one thing at a time for months on end. The idea is that for the first week, I was allowed the insides of a potato, second week was marmite, and so on until I'm eating normally (took about a year). They start off with thing people are statisticly the less amount of people are alergic too, and if I come across something that sets me off, go back two weeks and see if it really is that food that is setting me off.

I remember coming around from the colonscopy on the ward at the Royal Free, and the doctor being there saying my inflamation has reduced to an acceptable level and I'm ready for the next stage. I was so excited. The first thing up is the insides of a potato, I was allowed half a potato from the trolly. I'm sure it was one of those things where the potato has been on the trolly one day, uneaten, then put back into heater the next day like stock on a shelf that gets pushed to the front as the sale-by-date goes forward. It was a taste explosion, pure pleasure, the first real solid thing I had swallowed in two months, the slightly chewy texture was amazing. It was pure unadolterated pleasure, like being underwater for a whole minute or two and then coming up for a breath. Michaline stars, my favorite meal Ma' can make, any resturant on the planet... nothing can compare to this half a potato (no skin, no butter, no salt, no nothing)...

.... and the next week I got try Marmite, marmite on potato or marmite in hot water (medically sterial water still), with a little less forumlar than before. And it was just as amazing. Week on week of new textures, flavours, smells... experiances. And with each one, bought less of that dreeded forumlar.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 28 May 2011, 12:42, 21 replies)

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 28 May 2011, 12:26, 3 replies)

Have we had your mum yet?

( broadsword w⚓, Sat 28 May 2011, 11:52, 6 replies)

Fuck you Nagel, I have a pretty good idea of what it is like to be a bat
Orange juice set down, significantly as it turned out, by the bedside lamp. With, unbeknownst to me due to opacity of the beverage, added moth. Not a small one either. I did spit most of it out but the very idea appals me still.

In short being a bat has to suck big time if that's the diet and not even the orange juice chaser.
(unclestinky, Sat 28 May 2011, 11:27, 2 replies)

Marmite
At work we have 2 Indian nurses. They like a lot of English food (Yorkshire pudding especailly) but both HATED marmite. And refused to try Black Pudding (not on religious grounds, just thought it sounded disgusting). They both think Tesco microwave curries are really nice.
(kitescreech still here, Sat 28 May 2011, 11:24, 1 reply)

Alien Breakfast
The worst meal I've ever eaten was at an "Irish" pub in Calais.

My girlfriend and I and a couple of friends had gone over on a wine run, and one of the friends hadn't eaten anything before going, so was whining about being hungry. We were in one of those French megamalls that no French people go to - they're strictly for tourists only. I said: "Well, wherever we eat, the food's going to be horrible, so let's just cut the middleman and go to MacD's." The friend said: "I didn't come to France to eat in a Macdonald's!" So we went to this authentic French "Irish" bar, which had an offer of a "Full English Breakfast" with a free pint. Well, the pint was 1/2 litre, which wasn't so bad, but the breakfast...

It was as if aliens had tried to reconstruct a full English breakfast, working only from photographs and things you could find in tins.

The 'sausages' were cold frankfurters - very high in sawdust content.
The 'bacon' was microwaved spam.
The 'eggs' were a hard to identify cold yellow mess, swimming in a green and grainy grease.
The 'baked beans' were simply white haricot beans in watered down ketchup. KETCHUP!

I'm not really getting across the sheer awfulness of it - I still feel nauseated just thinking about it, and it was ten years ago.

Bloody French.
(suckfake Frisky biscuits, Sat 28 May 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Man vs Food
Ever seen this TV show? Basically, a guy goes round the US trying to eat those mega meal concoctions; you know the sort, a 10lb burger with 2 lbs of fries in 30 minutes. Everything Ive seen makes me both hungry and wanting to try it, whilst simultaneously thinking "Fuck, Id have puked by halfway".
(kitescreech still here, Sat 28 May 2011, 10:58, 6 replies)

Orange water
As a wee nipper in the seventies, I spied a bottle in the kitchen that was filled with a bright orange liquid. Back then there used to be some orange flavoured drink of that very colour (and probably had nowt orange in it at all).
Anyway, I popped the top off and took a long chug straight down.

Turned out it was the old oil my mum had been cooking chips in for about three months.

Took ages to wash off the resulting hurl from the kitchen cabinets.
(EvilMeister, Sat 28 May 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Denmark should ban this, too.
Wandering through town a few weeks ago, I came across a stall offering free samples of Marmite chocolate.

Intrigued, and never having been one to turn down a freebie, I tried some.

How can I describe the complexity of the taste? I fear that the English language, with all its expansive vocabulary, can't do it justice. Phrases like "The most vile concoction I have ever tried" or "Really, horribly, magnificently hideous" do not begin to represent its Old Testamential evil. It's the confectionary equivalent of Crohn's disease.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Sat 28 May 2011, 10:55, 12 replies)

Before I die
I want to try this,

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fool%27s_Gold_Loaf

Then after that I probably will die. On the toilet.
( ThisCaledonianClown has left it far too late, Sat 28 May 2011, 10:19, 2 replies)

Bloody Eskimos
When small I recall the excitement I felt on learning that when times were tight and the pickings a bit thin Eskimos would eat their candles (Yes I know better and it's inuits but this was in the past, which is, as they say, another country.) "Well now there's a thing", thought my young self, vowing to sample this delicacy at the earliest opportunity.

There's a considerable difference between the candles derived from seal by products and the ones under the kitchen sink, as it turms out. I can't attest to the toothsomeness of the blubber variety but I can, with certainty, state that household wax tastes disgusting.
(unclestinky, Sat 28 May 2011, 10:13, 3 replies)

Best and worst foods

Best things I've ever eaten have always come from the south coast of France - get away from the touristy places and eat where the natives do. Best of all was lamb entrecote from a wee place in San Raphael - by far the tastiest meat I've ever tried, along with shoestring fries and a proper French salad. And a large carafe of the house red, mmm...

Worst thing was anything my dad ever tried to cook. When my mum was in hospital having my youngest sister, dad tried to cook pizza and salad. He burned the pizza to a crisp and forgot to drain the salad after washing it. We felt we had to choke it down as he'd tried so hard, but the pizza had 3rd degree burns and I could hardly get my teeth through it.
(Burnside79, Sat 28 May 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Fave: Fermented Gherkins (not vinegary pickled ones, sorry Me, I'm Not ;) )
Worst?
Well... I was syphoning 60 liters of diesel out of the fuel tank of a van that I was selling...
Only managed to swallow a wee mouthful (no, not a mouthful of wee) but i regretted it for a couple of days.
Oily shimmer in the wc pan after flushing, aromatic LOL's ;)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 28 May 2011, 10:10, 6 replies)

It's here, it's among us now
It' a truly disgusting snack available right now in Sainsbury's called Wild Pig - a meat based patty of mechanically recovered pig carcass with bulking agents and flavours. The fart gas smell of sulphur that guffs in your face when you open the bag should be sufficient warning not to proceed, but should you unwisely pop one of these patties into your mouth and bite down on it you'll be rewarded with a flood of cold slimy grease which coats your tongue and teeth with a foul smelling gunge. At this point you spit it out and rush for the tap. I don't even want to think about which part of the pig went into this, but the fact that they cost just 67p for two on a BOGOF says they aren't the highest quality of snack.
(Variable, Sat 28 May 2011, 9:03, 4 replies)

Live Razor Clams - a partial repost.
I had recently discovered the joy of sushi, and was busily sampling different sushi restaurants in the New York City area. I'd encountered a lovely special item at one shop, the Scallops sushi. Scallops wrapped in nori, topped with mayonnaise & pepper, lightly toasted.

The next night, I asked the sushi chef at a new restaurant if they had Scallops. He sadly said no, but helpfully suggested Razor Clams instead. I obligingly agreed to the substitution, then sat in thought, wondering just how Razor Clams could substitute for Scallops. Turning to the menu, I read that the specialty of this particular sushi restaurant was "Live Scallops". Just as I realized my horrible mistake, I was presented with a tray with two juicy, wriggling pieces of clam nested on rice.

What could I do, but pop one into my mouth, and proceed to eat the poor thing. Then again with the second one.

They were wonderful, but the experience left me feeling kind of awful.
(danalan Pretty good, for an amateur., Sat 28 May 2011, 8:03, Reply)

Bacon Flavored Jellybeans
Truly the most horrible tasting item I have eaten is bacon flavored jellybeans. Upon opening the tin, I was assaulted by a sinister stench. I ignored this and tried one anyway. It tasted like burnt grease and medicine. I amused myself by offering them to friends and watching their horrified reactions. I wish I has read the Amazon reviews before trying one.
(evil_penguin_17 Robots of Doom... Attack!, Sat 28 May 2011, 7:14, 3 replies)

When I was a child
my mother had entertaining cooking skills. My favourite was some bread pudding that she made for me and my brother aged about four and six. We rapidly decided that we didn't want to eat this and decided that it would be much more fun to see how long we could get it to stick to the living room ceiling.

My brother topped out at about two minutes. However, I trounced him by getting it stuck for four months.

With consumate comedy timing it eventually removed itself from it's ceiling resting place and fell onto my mother's friend's head.
(Robin of the Hood isn't into the whole brevity thing, Sat 28 May 2011, 4:31, Reply)

Not me
But a friend. Being possessed of an interesting sense of humour and being bored on a sunday afternoon, my friend went out one and thoroughly cleaned a patch of pavement outside his house. He then microwaved a Mars bar until it was soft and gooey, and looked most like a poo. He then placed this imitation poo on the cleaned patch of pavement in an authentic poo shape. He then went back into the house and casually suggested to his housemates that they go for a drink at the nearby pub, which they were very happy to do.

On walking outside the house he then said to his flatmates "Hey, watch this", got down on his hands and knees, and began eating the imitation poo off the pavement, making sure to smear it all over his hands and face.

This would have been funny enough, except that one of his flatmates flipped out at seeing him eat a freshly laid turd and began screaming hysterically, closely followed by repeatedly punching my friend in the face.

Oh how we laughed.
(Robin of the Hood isn't into the whole brevity thing, Sat 28 May 2011, 4:26, 2 replies)

Licking up my master's watery sperm...
from the floor of Brixton tube station toilet.
As for the worst thing I've ever tasted, I can't remember
(mudskipper, Sat 28 May 2011, 3:34, 3 replies)

Wow, best or worst - not a lot of leeway
I'm going to ignore the rules, because I'm a maverick (and because I would never have an answer anyway).

One of the worst things I've ever eaten has to be pigeon. Twas Christmas of a few years back, and myself and the girlfriend's family were down in Arundel at a fancy hotel. All meals were included in the price, with some really nice stuff on offer. The meals were the conventional 'here's a list of mains/ starters/ desserts, pick one' affair, and lacking many options I'd consider for a starter, I picked out pigeon.

Now I was hoping for something decent, after all - it's meat. But the chefs scored an own goal right at the beginning by serving the bloody thing luke-warm. There is something between my tastebuds and my brain that goes 'luke-warm food, it must have been sitting out' and so every single mouthful made me retch.

It's a shame too, it looked delicious. I was tempted to flag the waiter down and ask him to bung it in the microwave for a minute or two.
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Sat 28 May 2011, 3:30, 4 replies)

brake fluid
what a day to find out not only is it poisonous but fucking tasty.
(shake'n'bake Tally Ho, Biatch!, Sat 28 May 2011, 1:24, 2 replies)

One last entry, as Schrodinger and his fucking equation are waiting.
When I was about 5, I would be served Weetabix for my breakfast. Fair enough you think. The thing is, it wasn't served with milk. It was made up with water into a sort of porridge-like gruel. Topped off with a sprinkling of sugar and a splash of sterilised milk. It's making me grimace just thinking about it.

But, Mrs Sandettie trumps that by a country mile.

As a very young child, she used to be served Corn Flakes done with hot water instead of cold milk. What made it even more gruesome was that it was always done with the last of the water in the kettle after the teapot was filled. The dregs of the kettle in a hard water area, replete with limescale flakes.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sat 28 May 2011, 0:46, 4 replies)

I bet I'm not the only one
Who as a kid could put away peanut butter like it was going out of fashion, even going so far as eating it out of the jar with a spoon.
I cannot touch the stuff now.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sat 28 May 2011, 0:39, 5 replies)

Cashing in on
Dr Shambolic's cheese thread below, where I assume he means cheese with stuff in, such as white stilton with apricots rather than cheese served with stuff.
Near Christmas, I like to buy a load of small pieces of cheese, a box of assorted crackers and a bottle of red plonk. Regardless of what people say, cheese and wine parties are bollocks. The cheese completely overwhelms any subtleties of the wine, so there's no point getting a Chateau Neuf du Pape for £15 or whatever, when a £4 bottle of Paul Masson will be just as good.

Anyway, along with the Edam, Leerdamer, a strong cheedar, brie, English stilton and the dolcelatte, I spotted a new entry. It was a stilton with mint-choc chips in it.

Yes, you did read that correctly. I picked the smallest piece, about 60p,, and added it to my shopping. When I got home and created my ad hoc cheeseboard, and there sat my new unusual new cheese. I sliced a small piece off, stuck it on a neutral tasting cracker (some sort of water biscuit I think) and took a mouthful.

It was fucking rank. Whose fucking idea was mint-choc cheese? Not just the fact that someone thought of it, that it was passed and put into production? I cannot think of a food less unlikely. Except maybe liver-and-onion fudge and asparagus milkshake.

It seems I'm not the only one with this view:
forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=339474
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sat 28 May 2011, 0:33, 4 replies)

I dont do posh food much
The worst meal I ever had was at a rather posh and formal affair, best bib and tucker and a long line of cutlery to navigate.
Just about everything I loathe was on the menu.
Caviar, oysters, champagne, rare steak with stilton sauce, spinach, capers and followed by a tray of stinky cheeses.
I was quite mortified to eat only the salad and veggies, chocolate souffle, dry crackers and too much port.

Possibly not the best thing ive ever eaten but it felt like it at the time was the curry i picked up on the way home
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Sat 28 May 2011, 0:13, 2 replies)