My father tells a story about sort of "waking up" while driving on the motorway driving home for a holiday.
Not that he'd been asleep, but just so totally lost in his thoughts that he had absolutely no idea where he was. He assumes he must have been observing the laws and conventions of the road, because the last thing he remembered was getting onto the slip road at the beginning of the journey two hours previously. He didn't recognise any of the place names on the signs he was passing, and had to drive for another half hour before he did so.

I'm not sure if its admirably eccentric of him, or incredibly frightening.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 8:44, 3 replies)

Did I mean Basingstoke or did I mean Bracknell?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 7:58, 4 replies)

I had just shut down my computer for the night
when I thought I should post something before they change the QOTW. So I powered the computer back up, forgetting that I really didn't have anything to say.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 3:31, 1 reply)

I'm one of those annoying people who refuses to leave messages on answer phones.
I always hang up as soon as I get the robotic woman telling me to leave a message.
Every time I actually get a message myself (which isn't that often, I grant you), I hold down the 1 key to dial the answer phone, raise the phone to my ear, and instantly hang up as soon as the voice says "welcome to Orange answer phone".
Every. Fucking. Time.
Then I redial, and it's a 50/50 chance I do it again.
Moron.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 1:10, 1 reply)

I still occasionally wake up thinking I haven't revised for an exam/have missed a deadline.
It'll be four years since I graduated and joined the workforce this year.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 21:27, 8 replies)

Oh yeah, and opening a car boot and leaving the keys in the lock, then spending half an hour searching for them before slamming the boot shout in disgust
and saying 'Oh, THERE they are!'

I don't do that quite as often these days.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 20:39, Reply)

Only this morning, I ransacked the house and car for my phone. No sign.
Sped over to work in the banger in case it was there, no joy. I suddenly remembered the Find iPhone app and set it off on my iPad. The iPhone was apparently at home.

Hurtled back, followed the Found tone, lifted a sock off my bed and spotted the iPhone underneath.

I'd unplugged it first thing as usual. It was on silent for some reason. And under a sock.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 20:34, 3 replies)

Woke up at 8:55
Shit, late for work! Dressed in 2 mins, no time for breakfast, ran down 4 flights of stairs with my bike, down onto the canel towpath and pedalled like a mad man. Got to work only 15 minutes late. Phew! No sign of the boss either, might have got away with it. Get myself a coffee and check my emails. Strange that no-one else has turned up yet either, I think. That's because its Saturday, you fucking nana, my brain said to me seconds later.
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 20:29, 3 replies)

I've been to Basingstoke.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 20:06, 3 replies)

Don't you try to pretend it's my feeling - we'll win in the end
I won't harm you or touch your defenses; vanity and security.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 15:45, Reply)

Extra clean...
First post after much lurking, so please be gentle and use the vaseline...

I recall one unfortunate showering incident where I had finished, stepped out and dried off. Then I stepped back in and started showering again, only realising my brainfart as I was half way through my second shower.

Still, at least I was extra clean and shiny

tl;dr. Idiot forgets he's just had a shower and immediately has another.
(monkeylover, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 15:26, 17 replies)

Thinks *Ohhh, I fancy a coffee*
*makes coffee*
*walks back into front room and sits down*
*goes to place coffee on coffee table only to find a fresh cup of coffee already there*
*pause for thought*
*drinks 2 cups of coffee in confusion and fear of alzheimer's*
( Brandy_Bumwinkle, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 15:06, 4 replies)

Phone error
The usual check when I leave the house is phone, fags, wallet and keys, all was in place. On reaching the pub I got my phone out to text a friend only to be confused as to why my phone: a) didn't have a signal; b) something didn't seem right with it. Couple of seconds later I realised the error, I had taken the home cordless out with me, not my mobile.....bugger
(Studentken is looking for motivation on, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 15:03, 3 replies)

More than once over the past couple of months
I've opened my wallet and had a heart-stopping moment of panic when spotting that the slot for my debit/cashcard is empty. Then the ATM I'm standing in front of beeps and I take my card out and put it away, because THAT IS WHY I OPENED MY WALLET IN THE FIRST PLACE.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 14:55, 6 replies)

The restraining order had completely slipped my mind
Officer.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 14:31, Reply)

Nights and mornings.
Many moons ago whilst living in Halls in Birmingham, I did a thing that was apparently a degree. So like most students when a major project comes to deadline, I started it the night before. However, the flat across the way decided this was an ideal night to throw a party. Not an unusual occurrence, but this was a bit special, rather than sainsburys basics gin and rola cola, this was proper full on cocktail night (the girls had organised it for a birthday or some such).

So there I was beavering away, then nipping next door to grab a free drink every hour or so, project was completed, I was happily non sober. So bed for me for the 10am rush to city centre to meet the deadline.

I crash out in bed, probably about 1am. 4am I wake up, this was November time, when it was already dark at 4pm. my brain didnt make the distinction that I haad only been in bed a few hours. I forget a shower, grab any old tat to get dressed in. grab my stuff and leg it out the flat.

I was 300 yards away from my front door when I walked past the pub, that would have been heaving at 4pm. It was bolted and shut.

I went back to bed. Pubs are excellent ways of telling the time. I woke up at 1pm and therefore got the maximum late hand in mark of 40%. Woo for cocktails! (I cant drink spirits!)
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 13:39, Reply)

I've never been to Colchester.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 12:55, 13 replies)

I managed to get up, showered, shaved, suited and booted and travel on the tube all the way to my connection station before realising
I'd treated myself to the day off.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 10:58, Reply)

Elastictricity....
Off topic,but meh what you gonna do?
Using my phone,s torch app in the dark when messing round with an electric socket earlier,not the best time to recieve a vibrating text alert when the bastard phone is in your hand.
(andycrass loves two hats on, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 9:46, 4 replies)

I looked at this weeks qotw and thought...
Who the hell is Brian Fade?

I even mentally pronounced it "Fad".
(MrTeapot hasn't played with himself since, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 9:12, 1 reply)

...
*looks at watch*
Oh, good. It's only 10:20.

And it's reassuring that's been 10:20 for at least half an hour now. Nice to know that I've still got about 10 minutes before I have to go to that meeting.

*finds some menial task to fill the time*

*slow realisation*

Shit.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 9:06, 1 reply)

I've noticed that Colchester has popped up a few times for this QOTW
Maybe the age of the place induces brain fade...

I've gone to the town centre and forgotten why a few times in the past.
(baldpig pee'd in your pool on, Wed 27 Mar 2013, 1:28, Reply)

Often work at home so the land-line handset is carried around all day.
Most days I lose it a few times and have to get its mummy to summon it.
One day I took the handset into the kitchen while I made me some lunch.
Later when Mrs jogs came home she found the phone in a kitchen cupboard. After a search she asked me why our black pepper mill was sitting on the base station.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 26 Mar 2013, 21:09, 15 replies)

I just took out the car battery to charge it
then wondered why the central locking wasn't working...
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Tue 26 Mar 2013, 20:35, 1 reply)

Moved jobs........
.....got in the car to go to work and drove to my previous place of employment, 15 miles in the wrong direction. I got all the way to the carpark before I realised.
( The Lone Groover has mal des nuts., Tue 26 Mar 2013, 19:04, 4 replies)

Only a few minutes ago...
I was standing in the car-park, wondering why my infra-red thingy wasn't unlocking the car doors.

It took me faaaaaar to long to twig that the car in front of which I was standing wasn't mine - and wasn't even the same make. It was, however, more or less the same colour, and had the same number of wheels; so the error was forgivable, no?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 26 Mar 2013, 18:33, 7 replies)

Standards are declining everywhere
I walked into my year 10 electronics lesson (contents - me, plus the entire future criminal class of the local area) half an hour late due to a violin lesson - to find the teacher tearing her hair out because we were supposed to be measuring the voltages in a circuit, but nobody was getting any readings. It took me five seconds to see why.

She hadn't connected a single circuit to any form of power supply.

How I got a B in that subject I don't know, but I do know that apart from one other B, nobody else got higher than an E.
( MatJ LOOK, Tue 26 Mar 2013, 17:45, Reply)

Be careful when parking in Colchester
I, personally, would not put two near-identical multistory carparks side by side. If I did, then I wouldn't make the pedestrian entrance to one of them incredibly obvious while simultaneously hiding the pedestrian entrance to the other around a corner and up two flights of stairs.

Three hours before I realised, before you ask.
( MatJ LOOK, Tue 26 Mar 2013, 17:32, 11 replies)

(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Tue 26 Mar 2013, 16:39, Reply)

alright

(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Tue 26 Mar 2013, 16:24, 5 replies)