A Previous Colleague
Had the annoying habit of pronouncing "subsequently" [sub-se-kwent-ly] as
"sub-seeeeeee-kwent-ly."

Much fun had, asking her what happened next.


She was an Arsehole.
(caescarna Hell's Roomba, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:47, Reply)

At the end of the day.
At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day.

Apologies for length of post.
( Smallbrainfield, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:46, 8 replies)

Environomic
Environmentally friendly and economical.

Cock Off.
(GsterMum, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:46, Reply)

Why do people say "lets go to Tesco's" with an S on the end?
I find this to be an annoying phrase that I use myself.
Tesco isn't a person that owns the Tesco shop.
No one says "lets go to Asda's", do they?
I suppose Morrissons and Sainsburys are the correct names however...
( Herman Blume is unique, just like everyone else, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:42, 15 replies)

"Can I lend that off you?"
No, you certainly cannot, it's mine. You can BORROW it if you like.
:)
( Droog is too orangey for crows, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:41, Reply)

"At the end of the day"
At the end of the day, you will retire to your abode and carry on with your business, which, judging by your complexion and odour, consists mainly of drinking meths and jacking off over animal pron on the internet, you disturbed badger molester, now, would you be kind enough to answer the question without saying "at the end of the day", please, Mr Boss man?
(impossibly witty twat No, YOUR Mum etc etc, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:40, Reply)

The "oo"s in the following post are as in "good", not "food"
A woman I used to know pronounced "going" and "go and" as "goon", which always drove me mad...

She also used the word "froozed", meaning frozen.

Most mornings where we worked she'd say "Goon put the heater on, I'm froozed" O_o
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:37, 3 replies)

"Sorry mate, I didn't see you there"
Look where you are fucking going then, cunty chops.
(impossibly witty twat No, YOUR Mum etc etc, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Big Issue please
Usually pronounced "Big Issue pleeeeeeeeeeease."

Why do you want a Big Issue? You already have a big stack of them there in your hand.
(flimflam_machine, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:36, 7 replies)

Going forward
This is a disease in business speak, used by its most chronic addicts in every other sentence, at least. Going forward, we'll do this or that, going forward, this won't be an issue, going forward, there really is no silver bullet, we just have to clean up the shop (a favourite combo I heard). Going forward in a big fucking tank, running over your management speak head again and again, ridding the earth of your useless fucking mind.

Sorry about that, although I do feel much better. Going forward, length will not be an issue according tot he Nigerian spammers.
(impossibly witty twat No, YOUR Mum etc etc, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:35, Reply)

Restroom
And all the other euphemisms for places people go to defecate and/or urinate and sometimes vomit.

I have seriously considered making up some signs that say "Shitter" to replace these abominations.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:32, 6 replies)

Office buzzwords
There have been quite a few mentioned already but working in advertising means there's always a new one round the corner. For instance:

"Routinising" - Verb; to make a process a regular event

"Learnings" - Noun; in context "What learnings can we take from this campaign?"

"Biscuits in tin" - Phrase; I honestly have no idea what this means - I think it refers to an easy win

"Deck" - Noun; a powerpoint presentation

"Synergy/Integration" - they don't really mean anything at all but apparently can be used interchangeably

My current favourite is "thinking outside the box". I have it written in my last review that I need to do this more but that I'm also good at coming up with "creative solutions".


I'm leaving to do a law course in September.
(Milo Minderbinder, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:30, 8 replies)

What?
I used to have a verbally disabled boss who was always coming out with his own made-up ‘management speak’. Some that spring to mind;

“He lies like a hairy egg.”

“That’s the problem with these courses, they teach you stuff you don’t know.”

“He’s digging himself a hole and finding mole hills to add to his other mole hills.”

“I smell a Heron!”

“You’ve got two choices and one of them is to leave, so It’s one choice really (after a short pause he frowns and turns to his assistant) Is one choice a choice?”

He was fat, bald, moustached, sweary, chain smoking, afternoon drunk, idiot. I’d love to work for him again.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:28, 9 replies)

One of my other colleagues annoys me whenever she says...
...well, pretty much anything actually. That's not really the point of this QotW though, is it?
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:27, Reply)

One of my colleagues pronounces theatre as "thee-AT-er"
Annoyingly, she spends a lot of time training Operating Theatre staff, so I get to hear this quite a lot.

And every time, it makes me want to tear my own skin off O_o
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:25, 3 replies)

"I was like, oh my god!"
This is just laziness and/or lack of vocabulary.

What they mean is "I was shocked/surprised/astonished/some other synonym". As I said yesterday, learn more words and you'll end up using less to say the same thing.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:25, 3 replies)

Misspelling
Everyone spelling Jurassaic as Jurassic.. bloody americanised arse candy.

Oh and
- init
- their / they're & there .. it's really not that hard.
( WOLF .™, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:23, 1 reply)

English
Merkin IT land which brought us this pervasive offence:

English or English (UK).

When what they mean is:

Merkin or English
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:21, 3 replies)

My mum.
My mum says 'son of a biscuit-eater' in place of 'son of a bitch.' We know what you mean, mum. Just say it.
(Zakk? Here for the... lady., Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:17, 4 replies)

Corporate Wankage
'Helicopter Perspective'

I rest my case.
(Jazzybmzoo, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:16, 1 reply)

"No"

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:15, 3 replies)

Cheer up,
it'll never happen.


It just has
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:13, 1 reply)

This isnt just a turd
Its a Marks and Spencers turd, hand polished by polynesian virgins wearing only a thong. No its just a turd...
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:09, Reply)

What sign are you?
I suppose it's not the question per se, probably what it means and what it says about the person saying it. My stock reply has been "No footway for 100yds"

(The one that looks a bit like this, but not quite)
)


Then they fuck off again.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:09, 1 reply)

My father
has the annoying habit of using the phrase "Tee up" to indicate actions with the DVD / Sky+ / video as in "I'll just Tee up this programme". The only thing that ever gets "teed up" in real life is a golf ball. It gets worse if its Saturday night and Casualty is on as my parents refer to it as Cas-u-al-ity; then the phrase becomes "Shall I tee-up casuality" - Death will ensue.
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:07, 1 reply)

Tomo
People (usually female) abbreviating "Tomorrow" into "tomo". It doesn't even sound the same! How the hell does that work? "tomoz" is bad enough but vaguely understandable, but "tomo"? In my head, that's short for "tomato".

Fucktards on MSN or in emails going around work having to use txt spk and drop Gs off the end of words. Why? Why do you need to abbreviate in an email? You're not limited in how many characters you can use.
(slocey doesn't get out often, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:03, Reply)

"The next level"
This phrase is meaningless. Unless we're discussing video games. Or quantum mechanics.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:02, 2 replies)

Bobman just reminded me - Waitrose
It's a fucking shop, please refer to it as a shop.

"Can you pick up some tomatoes from Waitrose?"

No, I'll get them from any shop I like and, if I don't pick up any old shit, they'll be just as good.

There are other shops, just as there are other vacuum cleaners.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:00, 1 reply)

prununcating words wrongly
Router as in IT, yeah. It's a thing that routes traffic between networks. Route is pronounced to rhyme with root (its etymologically Norman french), and does not rhyme with out.

You follow? So router rhymes with shooter not with outer.

But what can you expect really? All IT people have the aspergian male brains with the poor language skills.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:00, 8 replies)