Swearing.
Yes, I know, I swear like a cunt, but I try to do it appropriately.
The English language is a wonderfully complex beast, still evolving and changing and adopting and adapting... so why resort to a handful of overused words when there's dozens of others that have a much better effect?
As an Australian I'm personally leading a campaign to bring back the wealth of old terms we seem to have forgotten.
Bludger, Pelican, Drongo and Galah are all much more interesting ways of saying wanker.
( difficultchild, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 2:44, 3 replies)

Double negatives
I didn't do nothing, means you did everything. Its your mother tongue, learn to use it.
( difficultchild, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 2:34, 7 replies)

Monster
Anyone who does evil unto other bears this appelation in the press. Monster. A word which divorces him - and his misdeeds - from the genus 'homo', and therefore all upstanding citizens. The terminology thus employed presumes that humanity in general is somewhat removed from such acts, whatever they may be - and yet, its scions repeat them, over and over, generation after generation... Semantically dehumanizing their miseeds ignores the wretched depths to which our clade can descend, and trivializes our ability to rise above.

Best just to call them 'human', and accept the fact that the species, as a whole, has some serious flaws which need addressing. 'Monster' is a sop to the soul, a sad, wilfully-ignorant assumption that these people were somehow born bad. They weren't. They may *be* bad, and must be punished as such - but they're not monsters. They're human, fucked in duality both by their past, and their regretable inability to overcome it.

And there but by the grace of god...


Also, I hate the term 'toastie'. It's a fucking toasted sandwich.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 2:04, 1 reply)

Apologies in advance if they have already been covered.
Starting any sentence with the word basically. 99.99% of the time it isn't even a summation of the story/anecdote they'd tell anyway, it just has basically at the start.

Using the phrase fairly unique, is just grammatical ineptitude epitomised.

Could of
Should of
Would of

That's all folks.
(TEWM, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 1:05, Reply)

On accident
That always gets my goat. I know it's the American way of saying "by accident" but it's just plain wrong to my ears.
(Shippy likes linebreaks and doesn't care what you think, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 23:56, Reply)

People
...who say "try and".

"I'll try and meet you later." Try TO. Try TO.
(dhroadie, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 23:45, 4 replies)

Just saw an advert
for fake tan, where sublime is pronounced 'su-bleem' by the voiceover, seriously; wtf?
(sailorspoon started wiping his own arse from, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 23:37, 4 replies)

Paedophile
Lit., 'one who loves children'. Quite aside from the fact that I love children (most certainly not all children - most of whom are aggravating little fuckers - just those in my immediate family, and even then somewhat grudgingly) yet conspicuously fail to ram my cock into them...

Learn the correct terms. Essentially, it's the difference between natural law, and man-made law. Letching over a biologically-viable teen does not make you a paedophile. Even if it doesn't land you in the nick, it'll get you served dogshit on toast for dinner, three weeks in a row - but it does not make you a paedophile.

So, any lingering Daily Mail readers here, please take note.

A 'paedophile', in common usage, describes one whose *primary* sexual preference is for prepubesecent kids. It does not describe people whose preference is for adults, but who happen, through their own deviant and inexplicable predelications, to bone the odd kid whilst generally preferring adults. These people are perverts, predators, evil fuckers who deserve little more than two housebricks applied with extreme prejudice to their spheroids - but they're not paedophiles.

Up a notch. One who prefers pubescent humans is a hebephile. This is still, obviously, fucking wrong, but let's at least use the correct terminology for their perversions. It's no great onus on you - just a different word to scream out before kicking them into a bazillion different wetly-glistening lumps.

One more notch. One who prefers post-pubescent (but still illegal, in this country) young adults is an ephebophile, which is somewhat distinct from the previous categories in that it breaks man's law, not nature's. It'll still get you chucked into chokey - and quite rightly - but on a purely biological level, you're lusting after reproductively-viable meat - which differentiates it somewhat from the previous two categories.

I don't know why this bothers me, as it's all clearly wrong, both morally and legally - but I'd prefer pepople use the correct terms for different types of wrong, if it's not too much bother...
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 23:15, 9 replies)

That isn't what it is named
It is such a small thing, and it means nothing in the grand scheme of things; but oh does it wind me up. Particularly when I see this in mainstream media who are 'supposed' to get this kind of thing correct.

Ipod, i-pod, IPOD - no. It is called an iPod.

MAC - Fine if you are referring to a MAC address or a brand of cosmetics. If you are referring to a band of computer; well then that is a Mac.

XBOX, X-Box, X-Box - that'll be an Xbox then.

Just how difficult is it to refer to something by the name that the creators gave it?
( Kovacs Slogan free since 2003, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 23:00, 6 replies)

cha
downcha witcha
michoo
(jimmymack, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 22:48, 6 replies)

Probably been covered
Anyone who says "touch base" needs to be bludgeoned with a claw hammer, unless of course they are world series baseball stars.
(Anal Baby You Smell, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 22:26, Reply)

Here in Suffolk
we have a couple of annoying words and phrases.
Mainly shew - it's the past tense of show.
That coupled with the fact that there is no concept of past tense leads to sentences like:
I done it like you shew me but it didn't work.
He go to Bob's house to shew them his new car.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 14 Apr 2010, 22:08, 1 reply)

another one:
'I was sat there...' is like saying, 'I were watched TV'. Two past tenses in a row. GRRRRR...
(a small piece of cheese, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 21:45, Reply)

Hate is a strong word
For most of my working life I have had a deep seated loathing of people using "office speak", new phrases dreamed up by cuntbubbles because the exisiting words we have in our language aren't quite enough to convey how we feel. There isn't enough space on the web for me to list all phrases that would drive me to murder (going forward, it's within our gift etc). On a non funny note I'd like to make a suggestion. If you're stupid enough to leave your computer unlocked then you deserve people to write nasty things about you on your social network profile page. However..

.. given the recent case here in the UK, and other less publicised instances I'm sure exist, can we please stop calling it Facebook Rape? I know this is probably the worst place to espouse the virtues of good taste, but no-one else will listen to me, you sad fucks are all I have.
(countwilfredthehairy i wasn't born to live, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 21:23, Reply)

Not precisely within the remit of the question
I've just been listening to some rap music (naturally, as I am a middle-class white girl) and I remembered something that perturbed me when I first encountered it, and continues to do so to this very day.

Namely, the practice of referring to one's lover/paramour/intended sexual conquest as 'momma' or 'daddy', for example, see LL Cool J's 'Oh Momma That's Right', and myriad other usages.

Why? What the hell be wrong with these fools? My only conclusion is that individuals displaying Oedipus/Electra complexes abound in the urban musical community.

It's sick. Sick, I tell you.

Really, though, I don't get it, and it does make me feel a bit queasy.
(jennymnemonic, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 20:27, 9 replies)

Yay ! I'm posting this from my brand spanking new i7 Macbook Pro 17" with Antiglare.
Apple are fucking awesome, I bought a laptop last week, and today I traded it in for the new model, no questions asked, I had even cut up the box for a rebate on the printer I bought with it, and they didn't mind, I just paid the differance.

I can't imagine many companies would have that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 20:23, 3 replies)

Dear fellow students
You're handing in an "essay". "Paper" is what you (hopefully) have been writing it on.

And for the record, there's still a distinct difference between "college" and "university". One of these is a place where you can go on the piss, throw up in a corner, and NOT get expelled. Unfortunately for many of you this confusion of terms goes beyond the semantic.

You can't "wiki", "google" or "facebook"(gods help us...) a piece of information, you can either "look it up" or "research" it. The websites are merely the places where you go to do so. As a comparison, one does not "library" a book, or "pub" a pint.

Using "fiddle" instead of "violin" has connotations that musicians may not appreciate. Especially if you're trying to conduct an orchestra. String players are dangerous in packs...

...as are brass players if you happen to make too many "horny" jokes.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 20:12, 16 replies)

I just read in an article the phrase


..."by word of mouth, or word of tweet". Time to fire up the old chainsaw for some delicious murder.
(goorf, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 19:55, 1 reply)

This has become standard speak in the US.
On the tv, written, or face to face.

To my way of thinking, what you call your mother to her face is your business. Be it mom, mum, mama etc.

When talking about the person who gave birth to you the word is MOTHER. Not, "Hi Shirley, have you met my mom?" It's, have you met my MOTHER! She's mom to you, she is your MOTHER to Shirley.

Mom this, Mom that. From news shows (infotainment in the US) to tv shows of all kinds, everybody uses Mom in every context when the proper word is MOTHER!

Child speak & the continuing dumbing down of society.

It makes my blood boil & my jaw clench.
(barrycounty, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 19:52, 3 replies)

Ink
Not the word itself, but rather adults mispronouncing words with 'ink', 'ik', 'ikle' or similar.

'Hospikal'
'Somethink'
'triffik'

And, on a similar theme, people who say 'tink' instead of 'think'. You are not a cute five year old, nor are you a living, breathing, comical stereotype of an Irish person. It is childish and irritating, and it is not caused by a medical condition of any kind. It is caused by either laziness or some strange attention seeking thing (ting), either way I refuse to believe that you cannot do anything about it.

Appologies for the rant, certain bindun, lack of hummus, grammar spelling, the second world war and if you don't like the length you can f**k off. Thank you.
( NotDavidBailey isn't all that sure that he is?, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 19:42, Reply)

over 1000 replies - looks like misuse of the English language really fucks us all off.
My pet hate is the use of 'much' when people mean 'many'. I've heard it on the telly as well now, but usually it's kids who'll say something like 'how much biscuits can I have' or 'how much times did you go down the slide?' It's simple kids - if you pour it, it's how much. If you can count them, it's how many.
I'm glad I went to school in the seventies.
(a small piece of cheese, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 19:10, Reply)

Just watched Great British Menu
I will add:

"Bring it on" Who the fnuck do you think you are? Arnie?

and

"Fair play" - "Fair play, you bought a pint and fair play you're drinkin' it. Fair play Like!"
(Nitrous Nitrous, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 19:02, Reply)

I unfortunately actually work in marketing

the other day my boss asked a room full of people if "we could make this an action-orientated session"

I almost choked on my skinny-mocha-choca-frappucino
(charleyboy, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 18:37, 2 replies)

Can
"Canned meat/fish/veg"

Please, it's "Tinned". Let's not be too Merkin about this.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 18:34, 4 replies)

Where I work, every other week we have a safety drill for our guests and part of the announcement is about general conduct.
It's a sad day when you have to remind people, with an average age of 65, to put rubbish in the bin. It's even more depressing when you ask them like this :-

"...we would like to remind our passengers to please deposit trash in the appropriate receptacle..."

Still, it's not as bad as the office I worked in where everyone was trying to touch my base...
( scoshi pretending to diet since, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 18:06, Reply)

Like.....
Saying like at the most inappropriate moment for absolutely no apparent reason whatsoever. examples include.....can I like borrow your pencil......I was like, oh my god......and quite easily the best, She was like urgh! Started by americans and slowly seeping into british society via teenage girls shortly followed by boys and very recently my girlfriend......AAARRRRGGGGHHH!

This is like my first post....click like if you like er.....like it
(gdcoey, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 18:03, Reply)

Pedophilia has been scientifically proven to be related to homosexuality.
FFS
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Apr 2010, 17:38, 7 replies)

Top ten
Well, being bored this afternoon I went through the first 10 pages of this QOTW to see which topics came up most. And here they are folks, the most hated language (in the first 10 pages):
1. Management buzzwords in general. This is way ahead of anything else.
2. Redundant phrases, such as 'to be honest with you', 'I'm not racist but...'
3. Text speak. Mainly LOL.
4. Adjectives as verbs, such as Facebook, impact, diary
5. Americanisms, both American uses of words and differing pronunciation
6. Internet jargon, such as win, fail...
7. Joined words, mostly chillax
8. Incorrect pronunciation, mostly 'aks' instead of ask, although sometimes difficult to separate from the next one
9. Deliberate mispronunciation, such as chimbley and skellington
10. Local dialect words

Also highly hated: incorrect usage of words, being unnecessarily familiar in speech or writing, and filler words, especially 'like' and 'you know'.

Now I realise this was pointless, as the popular page might give us the same information. But I was bored.
(Smale is stuffed, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 17:37, 5 replies)

In gay pron...
...where the chap getting shagged starts saying, "Ooh, yeah... Hurt me!" Surely that's not the idea at all! Is it?
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 17:27, 3 replies)

"We're pregnant"
No, only the person with a uterus is pregnant.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 17:12, 3 replies)