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This is a question Celebrity Encounters III

I once stood next to Ian Beale out of EastEnders in the gents' toilets at the BBC. BEAT THAT. Tell us of celebrity encounters that went well, or meetings with the famous that ended up as a complete disaster. (And we'll take it as read you've just made up a "I got touched up by Jimmy Savile" story, OK?)

Suggested by Munsta

(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 13:19)
Pages: Popular, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

This question is now closed.

I did a stand-up gig with Iain Lee from the 11 O'clock show about 6-7 years ago?
He did a 10min bit about Ricky Gervais getting somewhere and him not.
I talked to him after the gig. He wasn't a cunt at all.

I also saw Lulu outside Harrods getting so fucking harassed by the paps it was atrocious. What was the story? Old lady walks out of shop?
Fuck the kings guard. Fuck the city. Fuck Celebrity.
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 15:02, 5 replies)
I met Bono out of U2 once.
He seemed nice enough. Kept talking about the band, and where the music was going, and what drove them and stuff.

I say "met", I mean "saw an interview on television with".
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:59, 2 replies)
I'll never polish that shoe again
My Dad has his shoe pissed on by Sir Lawrence Bragg at a urinal in the Royal Institution. As my Dad's work at the time was all to do with determining the crystal structure of materials using X-ray diffration, this was rather appropriate. Our family parties were a riot when Dad used to tell this and other similar stories.
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:53, Reply)
I was sat next to Richard Branson at the BMI lounge in Heathrow having quite a nice chat about things when some oik piped up "Oi Branson why don't you fly your own airline" to which he replid "Because they don't fly to where I want to go". Anyway, I digress. When I got to my destination.....

Celebrity Prick Gary Rhodes was contracted to cook for a bunch of us on a corporate day once and I arrived at about 10.30PM pretty tired after a days travelling. "What do you want, anything you like" says Rhodes. "Nothing ta, i'm tired and off to bed" says I. "Don't you know who I am", quips Rhodes. "Your employer has paid a lot of money for me to cook for you and I will do anything you like. I insist"

Trust me, his beans on toast is nothing special, despite the pretentious garnish (pronounced garnee I believe). Prick.
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:49, 4 replies)
The Doctor
Tom Baker came to my home town to sign books. I was about 10 at the time, so I was very excited! I waited in a long queue with my mate Steve to see Tom Baker, getting more and more excited all the time. Eventually made it into the shop where he was signing books, only to be told that he'd pissed off early because he thought Wolverhampton was a dump.

So, ok, yeah, I didn't actually meet him.
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:45, 3 replies)
My mother once called to say she'd nearly just run some bloke over
Apparently the daft twit was crossing the road with his daughter without looking. She slammed on the brakes and made startled eye contact with...

...David Cameron.

He wasn't even Prime Minister yet. Imagine the calamitous outcome for the country which was so narrowly averted by her quick reactions.

I now refuse to let her drive without taking a double dose of Xanax.
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:40, 2 replies)
Some singer pointed in the direction of my flag at Glastonbury.
If you go on "insert youtube link" and freeze it at 8:12 you can see my keraaazy hat.
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:36, 6 replies)
I met the actor who played Woof. I was chatting to him and some friends, and one of the friends said "This man used to play Woof". I said "no way", but he confirmed "yes, I am the person that played Woof".
I just googled Woof and, unbelievably, the actor's name is Edward Fidoe. Fidoe! Woof, played by Fidoe.

Edit: Now he specialises in innovative forms of pedagogy.
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:35, 2 replies)

Running to get to the bank before it closed, I turned a corner and collided with a couple.
Nearly knocked the man flying into the road, I grabbed hold of his arm and aplogised, he very charmingly said 'thats quite alright' and we continued on our opposite ways.
I then noticed lots of people pointing and gawping so I turned to look
I apparently went bright red at the realisation I nearly killed David Bowie and his wife.
Jonathan Ross's wife stopped me to tell me she liked my bag
Gave directions to Katherine Zeta Jones and John Leslie
Called Van Morrison a grumpy old bugger...ok it was behind his back but im sure he heard me.
Was in a dance thing on a late night TV show , I said hello to Joan Collins , she looked down her nose at me and turned away.
Im forever doing that 'I think I know you but cant remember where from half smile thing' at people then realising I dont know them at all because theyre famous
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:32, 2 replies)
I’ve had a few…
I was on 15 to 1 as a teenager in the schools version. William G Stewart was a massive, condescending belm.

I’ve also been on Ready Steady Cook, Ainsley Harriot is a creepy, foul–breathed fucktard.

My wife used to work in Radio and has met and worked with far more celebs than me.

Most amusing was Rhys Ifans, who turned up late and drunk to a recording, swore a lot, smoked a lot then fucked off to another party at 11am in the morning.

Rolf Harris also played his didgeridoo down her back – no joke. If only she’d known…
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:24, Reply)
Simon Singh
I met Simon Singh recently when he was touring his latest book about the mathematics of The Simpsons. Cue a 43-year old male acting like a 14-year old One Direction fan. We talked about Fermat when I told him that enjoyed both his book and Horizon documentary about the Last Theorem. What a bloody jolly decently bloody nice bloke!
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:24, Reply)
Pre-death I encountered Amy Winehouse quite often
In fact, the first time I knowingly saw her, I was out for a drink with a couple of friends in the Mixer and they were all like, "Look, it's Amy Winehouse!" I was looking round, but all I could see were the Mixer regulars, so I asked, "What, behind that pissed-up girl?"

A few years later when she was more famous, a largish group of us had gone to the Mixer when it transpired that some kind of sportball game was imminent, so those of us who preferred not to have our drinking interrupted by morons braying insults and encouragement at a TV screen (basically all the girls and me) decamped round the corner to the Constitution. About five minutes later, the rest of the lads sheepishly filed in. "We thought you were staying to watch the footballs?" we asked. "Fucking Winehouse showed up, so the place became a paparazzi circus," they replied.

Then there was the time she was smashed out of her head at the Dublin Castle and trading kisses for tequila shots, or the time my (equally drunk) ex-gf tried to get into her car, or the time her, Kate Moss and Kelly Osborne turned the Mixer into some kind of grunge version of Loose Women...to be honest, Camden's a less interesting place without her around.
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:23, 4 replies)
I once broke my dick in somebody you've heard of.

(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:19, 4 replies)
I once shared a platform at Earl's Court station
with angry west-country humour-vacuum Justin Lee Collins.

I did not push him under a train. To this day, I am unsure about whether I made the right decision.
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:19, 7 replies)
I met Daniel Barenboim and Jacqueline DuPre
at a reception given to the Chicago Symphony Orchestra by the music department at Michigan State University, 1970, following a performance which included the Dvorak Cello Concerto.

My wife and I arrived at the place for the reception early and I introduced her to an acquaintance, noting that they were both English majors. My friend added he now paid his rent with his writing pornography for Penthouse.

Wanting to be published more than anything herself, my wife drilled my friend for details. I let the two of them shop-talk the smut industry while I watched the hall slowly fill up.

Several minutes later, I saw all the people in the room look at me, turning slowly, ceasing to talk. Have you ever had a herd of cows suddenly decide you were interesting? The change in the room went unnoticed by my wife and friend, having a lively, ribald bandinage. I turned to tell them that something is very wrong with all the other people in the room and met face-to-face with Barenboim and DuPre standing directly among us. The Barenboim's both had huge grins on their faces. I don't know if my wife's conversation gave them ideas to try in the bedroom or if they appreciated the incongruity of hot chat greeting them at a reception in their honor. From the time I noticed the change in the room, they would have heard quite a bit.

"Hello," I said, grabbing my wife and friend, "we must be going." [exit upstage.]
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:13, 3 replies)
My dad was a local Labour councillor
And took me to a pub where Tony Robinson was talking to Labour Party members (may have been trade union meeting, I don't remember). I took a turnip for Tony to sign (which he did), but he also insisted on drawing a treasure map on my forehead for some reason.

Before you ask, no he didn't draw it with his penis.
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:09, 2 replies)
An Opportunity missed
This tale take place entirely in the past...

Our tale of Celebrity Encounterdom takes place on a autumn day some two years ago just past the chain store 'Cafe Nero' situated at the base of the ascent to Manchester's Picadilly Train station.

Walking towards work from previously stated station of trains, I percieved with my two eyes a set of girls giggling and turning their heads towards a gentleman in a black coat pulling along a bi-wheeled suitcase. Curiousity burned inside me like a vindaloo curry in my girlfriend, I peered towards the gentleman of intrest and core-blimey! It was Mister James Carr, professionally known as 'Comedian' Jimmy Carr, star stuck by the fourth wall being broken by this television based personality existing in the same reality as myself, he walked right past me as I caught the look of fear in his eyes at the admittandly scabby girls pointing at him, aswell as the prospect of most likely having to take a train like a normal human-plebian.

It was not until he had completely walked by that I remembered...

I fucking hate Jimmy Carr, I find his jokes abusive, unimaginative and his face overall unpleasant and that was my only chance to ever tell him this personally (as I would not be found at any of his 'performances'). This regret will follow me till his grave, after that no shits will be given as the young folk say.

TL/DR: (Now edited for the reading pleasure of eViLegion) I walked past Jimmy Carr near Manchester Station and was so starstuck cause "ee's off da telly", I forgot to tell him how shit I thought he was. Being totally Spineless I decided not to chase him down, grab him by the collar and shout my opinion in his face like any decent person would. Que Sera Sera!

Also fellow b3tian Radagast whilst was not 'touched up' by the Saville creature he did recieve a pat on the head from it, if you ask nicely he might show you the photographic evidence.
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 14:02, 4 replies)
Johnny Ball...
...thankfully he revealed nothing.
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 13:54, 2 replies)
Prince Charles - not as firm a handshake as you might expect.
That celebrity chef cheese thief. Ugly man, uglier up close.

A few known or well known closeted types, knnowotimean

John Thaw and wife in a Hammersmith bistro on Valentine's Day and table opposite the theatre director Sir Trevor Nunn, not one to gossip but it wasn't Imogen with him and I am sure the whole evening was uncomfortable for the Thaw party and Nunn.

Lots of politicians and peers.

Rhys Ifans, possibly after he had been attending the Irish Embassy Christmas Party. This was about 10.30am on the Tottenham Court Road.

Richard Branson - ugly man, uglier up close.

Various other self-styled Captains of industry. Usually pissed or under the control of the Bolivian Marching Band.

Funniest though was that time with
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 13:51, 5 replies)
Angry Linford got Angry
I was down in Bluewater some years back with two friends of mine, taking a stroll to the Food Court when I spied none other than sausage smuggler LInford Christie, my firends were deep in conversation but being a sporty little twat (18 years old though) I got all excited and couldnt help but point and looked back at my friends, trying to get their attention without interrupting them....

I walked with them, still pointing......

it was some conversation they were having, but my mum and dad had brought me up right so I didnt want to interrupt....I checked, Linford was still there walking towards us....we carried on walking until finally I was able to shout (while still pointing) "Look, its Linford...." and poked him in the eye

I didnt so much out run him but gurned and stuttered an apology of sorts, he looked angry so I put my arm down and mingled in with the crowd as best I could.....

I also Shook Brian May's hand at a Metallica concert back in 1996ish..and did a stoned impression of Bill and Ted* "we're not worthy" much to the annoyance of the surrounding 40 and over Mullet brigade.

*Edit, was it Bill and Ted or Laurel and Hardy, I cant recall....great days.
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 13:42, 11 replies)
Dreadfully z list.
Told Lisa Scott-Lee to wind her neck in before drunkenly falling down some stairs.
Heckled Holly Valance and that bird who sang Toca's miracle for their terrible miming.
Threw pennies at Kelly Llorenna
Guarded a disabled toilet while September had a shit.
Was talking about Alphabeat all being foreign midgets during their sound check, quite loudly, when they cut the sound at "fucking midgets"

(Used to work for a nightclub that had a lot of Z-List acts. I could go on)
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 13:41, 1 reply)
Had a beer with Craig McLaughlin of neighbours fame in london. Top bloke!

(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 13:38, Reply)
A mate of mine once served Ian Botham a sandwich.

(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 13:33, 4 replies)
Walked past Michael Gambon, in London (outside a theatre).
Didn't stop to ask for an autograph, or picture, as he was loudly berating his PA at the time, and getting told to "fuck off" by Michael Gambon wasn't on my to do list.
(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 13:30, 2 replies)

(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 13:28, 1 reply)
which celebrity should i send a picture of my balls to on twitter?

(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 13:25, 1 reply)
I got touched up by Jimmy Savile.

(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 13:23, 1 reply)

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