Whilst on a piss-up in the heavenly borough of Romford,
we were delighted to discover the radiant Martine McCutcheon ("sicknote" to her friends) was out with some friends in the same club as us. Unbeknownst to the rest of our group my friend approached her at the bar and started praising her singing and telling her how gorgeous she was. He then told her what big fans of hers all his friends were, and how shocked we'd all be if she came up to say hi and pretended to know him.

Well, she's a game girl Martine, because about half an hour later she popped over to our table, pointed at my mate, squealed, and started hugging him like a long lost friend. At this point he stood up and said "Look love, I've told you a thousand times, fuck off and leave me alone before I call the police."

Her face was a picture, I can tell you.
( supermoore: HUNG, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 17:12, Reply)

Mark Curry off Blue Peter
Seeing as that ex Blue Peter presenter died yesterday they were showing clips of her on the news last night - one was her with Mark Curry doing some meruenge dancing I think. Now - do a slow close up on Mark Curry (cue Swishy backwards time noises). Me and my mate sat on a train coming down from Glasgow to Lancaster on it's way to London - about 17 years ago.

Me and my mate were smoking and having a lairy laugh about "things that annoyed us" in a men-behaving-badly sort of way. Some time earlier I'd whispered to my mate that the bloke sat on the opposite side of the carriage looked like that ex Blue Peter presenter Mark Curry.

We were having a laugh really, minding our own business - thinking - if that really "IS" Mark Curry, he'll spot our comedic talent and get us a job on the telly. So we were pulling all the stops out - f**k the no-smoking sign - we'll have a smoke and a joke.....

"I can't understand it..."
"What?"
"Swahili"
"Me neither... You know what makes me sick?"
"What?"
"Drinking a pint of salty water"
"Eugh yeah.... You know what annoys me?"
"What?"
"That noise you get."
"What noise?"
"EeeeeeEEEEh!"
"Ah yes - "
"-and you know what annoys me?"

Shit - it was Mark Curry chipping in - result!

We looked over with fags in our mouths and expectant eager grins on our faces - we both said:
"What?"

"People smoking in no smoking compartments on trains"

Cue mumbled "Sorry"s and blushing and sitting in silence for the rest of the journey till we got off at Lancaster.

We waited till the guard blew the whistle then banged on the windows of the train - flicking Vs at Mark Curry!!!! Revenge!

Sorry for the long post etc ;)
(odysseysounds.com, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 16:53, Reply)

Headbutt a celebrity
I suppose it's quite rude, but more bizzare. Do you remember the episode of the Simpsons where Bart gets an Elephant? Do you remember the part where the elephant gets released into the wild and Marge asks why it's headbutting all the other animals? Do you remember the guy's response being "Well Mrs Simpsons, just like humans, some elephants act this way because they've had a troubled or difficult childhood, but also like humans some act this way because they're just jerks". At this point Homer is headbutting the guy as the elephant is. Haha.

Anyway, this became an injoke with some friends of mine, i.e. headbutting random people this way, and some of those we got were kinda famous.

First was Lemon Jelly:



It was their third ever gig back when they did three nights at 83 Feet East in London and we were at the 'free bar' aftershow party. We all got hammered with 3 bottles of Budvar in each hand, and so you may notice the lack of subtlety (and aim) in the effort here. I'm the photographer, by the way.

Second, the bassist from A:



This one was far more fun. It was at The Forum in London the last time Fugazi played and towards the end we noticed that the bassist from A was there. Armed with a disposable camera, the mission was simple. I'd say I was a huge fan of the band to the guy, and ask if my friend could have his photo taken with him. Everything was set up for a normal photo but in fractions of a second, my friend assumes position, I click, then returns to his 'avid fan' state.

Anyway, those are them. I would like to point out that this friend of mine saw the Backstreet Boys in one of the Theme Parks in Orlando 6 years ago just walking about and we have prime video footage of him shouting:

"OI! BACKSTREET BOYS!"

them turning to look

"YOU'RE CRAP!".
( ma0sm, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 16:48, Reply)

Me and some friends noticed that crap 'band' Speedway
at the Snow Patrol gig in the QMU. So we waved at them and shouted as if to get their attention. They saw us and looked down smiling and giving us the thumbs up (super cool).

Us: Not you, behind you!

Them: Oh

You see, Eugene Kelly was standing behind them .

And that's the end of that.
(likesteviej, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 16:45, Reply)

Told Darren Day to fuck off once.
It was at a charity bash on Leicester square in 1995, I was working on a west-end show at the time (I'm a musician) All the shows had a stand in Leicester Square one saturday afternoon doing different fund raising things.
Day was promoting 'Summer Holiday - The Musical' and we were drowning him out.
He sent a lackey first, who I told to fuck off, then he himself came over in a big luvvy strop, giving it the "do you know who I am?" routine.
I didn't give him the satisfaction of admitting I knew who he was, but I did say " I don't care if you're the pope mate, fuck off and shut up".
He fucked off, but as far as I know, he still hasn't shut up.
(The Pink Strat Copy, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 16:44, Reply)

i once met billy conoly..
and grabbed his tits.. see? 5lab.co.uk/byc/pics/malta/pages/024.htm
(5lab, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 16:37, Reply)

I once met a young prince harry
while working as an ice-cream man. he asked for a 99 flake to which i replied "we're out of icecream ya dumb twat - thats why the music is playing! doesnt your mum tell you anything?"

he ran off crying at which point i realised his mum had died in a car crash a couple of days previously. pussy.
(5lab, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 16:35, Reply)

Rude boy
Now this was REALLY rude.

I was in a supermarket in Chiswick in around 1986, choosing a box of eggs, checking inside (as you do) to make sure none of them are cracked, when I glanced up and Daly Thompson - possibly the greatest athlete the UK has ever produced for you youngsters - appeared around the corner with his stunning missus.

I immediately tipped the box and the eggs fell out and smashed in front of him.

Well, it would have been very rude if I'd thrown them at him and shouted "Oi, Thompson - you're a w*nker!".

Sigh...

Is Mr Wimpy famous? Back in the 70s, my mate kicked him in the goolies. Just because he could, the tw*t was in one of those suits where your arms just stick out at the side. He rolled around the pavement, shedding leaflets and groaning for quite a long time.

Hee hee.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 16:34, Reply)

Stephen Hawking
Not all that rude, not me, but still funny.

A few years ago at Oxford Uni, my housemate was given the task of looking after Stephen Hawking just before he was due to address the Union. Presented with the opportunity to speak with arguably the world's greatest living scientist, perhaps to learn something about the fabric of time and space from this genius, the only thing my mate could think of to ask him was:
"So, er... how fast does that chair go?"
Unfazed, Professor Hawking replied: "I'll show you!", floored it (if that's the right term) and zoomed off down the corridor.
( Biffins Bridge, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 16:26, Reply)

The "Norm" incident
A colleage of mine ran into George Wendt (of Cheers fame) in Covent Garden, and shouted "Hi Norm!". He got a 10-minute lecture that can be summarized as "my name is not Norm, Norm is just a character I played on Cheers, today I'm on vacation, I don't need assholes like you shouting "Norm" at me on a beautiful day like today". I swear the poor guy was a foot shorter when he landed in the office on Monday...
( bnt what, me worry?, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 16:25, Reply)

International Beckham and Posh Ignoring
At a previous job, in a small market town in Cheshire, we were obliged to have coffee in Starbucks (humble apologies). However, it became apparent that a certain well known footballer and his talentless workshy fop of a wife would also stop by in the Merc for a brew. The Starbucks staff were in awe (tossers), but it happened so often that we invented the sport of IBPI (see title).

15 of us were in for a brew one lunchtime. In walked the badly attired Beckham, parking his car on the double yellows outside.

As he walked to the counter to order his latte, smiling and hoping for that celebrity recognition factor, all 15 of us at the counter promptly turned our backs and ignored him - it was a bit obvious really.

I did the same thing to Baby Spice (does she have a real name?) recently, and she was less than impressed......
( groovegenerator The man who mistook his wife for his wife, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 16:14, Reply)

No.

( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 16:07, Reply)

Doctor Twunt! (doesn't really fit the question)
I was on the train home after a particularly drunk weekend in Southampton, when who should get on but GMTV's resident dishy doc, Dr. Hilary Jones. Now we're on one of the old slam-door trains, and Doc Hill (as I've since taken to calling him) has sat himself and his massive doctor's bag right by the door.

My stop comes, and I wanna get off the train, which Doc Hill has made increasingly difficult. I squeeze my way off, and not only do I hit him in the face with my bag, but I manage to dish out a kick to his shin.

He then shot me a look as if to say "Shipman's not the only doctor that can kill his patients, you know". Cock.

I wasn't necessarily rude, I know, but no-one likes getting hit in the face and kicked, do they?
( <somethingfunny> hasn't said anything funny since, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 16:04, Reply)

Heh, my friend reminded me of this one.
A couple of years ago, I was getting about on crutches and my friend and I were in our local watering hole in Newport Beach.
I'm drunkenly making my way to the toilet on crutches, when some twat asks if he can have a go on them. I looked over and saw it was Tom Green and his entourage.
I didn't say anything, but on my way back to my friend I yelled loudly enough to her that Tom Green was here and that no wonder he couldn't keep Drew Barrymore as he was really ugly.
All of his Newport blondes he was with almost lynched me.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 15:50, Reply)

Sting and other bits of poinless trivia
Many moons ago I worked in a building in London that had EMI records on the top floor (up near Tottenham Court Road for those interested) - We used to have all kinds of people coming in and out. One day I shared the lift with Sting (who had got out of a limo looking like he had just been dragged through a hedge backwards) and as we made the journey up in awkward silence I turned to him and said "I never realized you were that short" Sting looked at me and said "errr, thanks" - Thankfully the lift doors opened and I wandered off.

Just for pointless info, a chap by the name of Gaztop (I think he was a kids presenter) and I were pretty pally and he was as mad as a march hare. And.... I met Jimmy Nail (in the same lift as Sting but not at the same time) and he was a great laugh cracking jokes all the way.

Oh and my claim to fame... I sang on stage with Bruce Springsteen at Wembley Arena after he pulled me out of the crowd...Okay I will stop now.
( Snollock Biffer I don't really sniff Bollocks, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 15:42, Reply)

The tasmanian twins
Can't remember their names right now, the "Touch my bum" ones, played at my graduation ball last year. Needless to say while tanked up at the front of an angry mob of 500+ equally tanked up pished student types I start chanting, "Fuck off, you dozy bitches" and "Get your tits out for the lads" etc, ad infitum

For some reason they only did two songs, I can't recall if it was becasue we were all drowning them out or if it was becasue they were miming and someone pulled the plug.

they were wearing very little, sparkly gold bikinis, but they are absolute mingers - FACT
(ad, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 15:33, Reply)

Mick Hucknall
Was done like a kipper by a mate of mine once.

Mate in question was working at Tower Records in London at the time and was restocking some shelves when he feels this tap on his back.

He stands up to see Mick Hucknall and three hairy arsed bouncers stood there. The tap had come from Mr Hucknall's silver topped walking cane.

Seeing that my mate was in the way, Hucknall wafts this cane of his in a 'get out of the way oink' manner, not saying a word.

Cool as a cucumber my mate stands up, looks Mick Hucknall square in the eyes and says:

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"

Quality.
( TooMuch2AM, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 15:21, Reply)

Dalai Lama
As you'll read in an item listed below, I was once a photo person.

I had the opportunity in the 80's to travel around Australia for 2 weeks with the Dalai Lama and photograph him (for free of course) as a record of his visit.

I knocked it back.

That was rude to him (in my eyes, now, one of the greatest celebrities of all time) and his entourage who invited me to do it.

And the supremely dumbest thing I've ever done in my whole life.
(That, and chucking a letter Don Bradman sent me, thanking me for copying some of his old photos for him.)
Hey, I was young.
(baldie, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 15:20, Reply)

OOOO! OOOOH!
Before the FA cup semi-finals between Sunderland and Milwall at old trafford the other week I saw Alex Ferguson, headed towards me(I was outside the VIP entrance)!

I promtly started the chant of "WHO ARE YA!", and he started mumbling swear words under his breath!, now that was rudeness!
(themoon, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 15:14, Reply)

Queen Maam Arse
Was working on fishing boat in Scotland when a huge great boat did a detour to come and view us working folk. Got the deckhand to climb on the wheelhouse roof with me and wave our arses right as they went past. Turned out it was the Britania and the Queen Mum was having a jolly. (could have given her a stroke - if she'd been in reach)(tssshhh-boom)
(klondyker, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 15:13, Reply)

Darren fuckface Day
I was walking down king street in Manchester towards deansgate and as I walk around the corner who should I walk straight into and nearly knock over? The one and only Darren Day.

Now Darren, being at the height of his 'fame' and staring in Joseph at the time gave me this look like he'd just stepped in a king sized pile of dog shit and waved his Evian at me in a sort of 'shoo shoo' manner.

Obviously I didn't take too kindly to this and I replied with a volley along the lines of 'get a proper job you soft southern streak of piss' in a broad northern accent.

The poor lad was shocked, all I could see was the flapping of his pastel pringle as he ran off down deansgate at a pace.

Prick.
( TooMuch2AM, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 15:12, Reply)

Back in the late 80's
I used to be a photographer - I shot the Prime Minister (I wish) of Australia, Paul Keating, opening a nursing home. I missed the classic "pull the cord on the miniature curtain so it reveals the plaque" shot by a poomteenth of a second. I knew I had to reshoot to keep the client happy.

Up hops me after he's done the business and waved to all the geris. I send him back on stage, HE closes the curtain again for me and then reopens it with a classic politician's baby-eating smile.

Ok. So I wasn't rude. But boy did I piss him off. That counts... in spades.
(baldie, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 15:05, Reply)

Sylvester McCoy
I've just asked Sam here who is Sylvester McCoy's son if he'll phone up his dad and swear at him so I can post something to this thread, but he wouldn't do it. Spoilsport.
(parm, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 15:04, Reply)

Not exactly rude...
This is neither rude or really interesting, but I did stand on Neil Kinnock's foot once. We lived in Hounslow while the Kinnock lived nearby in Ealing. We were visiting the local Arts' Centre - the Waterman's for those interested, and I failed to notice that Mr Kinnock was kindly holding open the door from the carpark for me, as I turned to my wife to see where she'd got to, I trod on the great man's foot. He was OK about it too.

Sorry,

Che
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 15:04, Reply)

does anyone remeber that low quality british film...
from a few years back called "purely belter"??? I went to school with one of the main stars of that film.

Chris Beattie. He's a complete arsehole. Last time I saw him was two years ago, he was having a driving test, so i sat behind him in my car, repeatedly honking the horn whenever he was made to stop.

I eventually got bored, I hope he failed.

Oh and I repeatedly annoy ex "Byker Grove" cast members when I see them drinking in Newcastle or Sunderland by singing Ready2Rumble by P.J and Duncan, as they were then known!
(themoon, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 15:03, Reply)

Phil Tufnell
Not so much an insult, more mockery. Tuffers was at the desk of a video library in Richmond a couple of years ago arguing with the half-witted desk monkey over a late fee.
"Four quid? It's only a bloody day late"
I peered over his shoulder at the video and said
"Yeah, and it was f*cking crap"
( expf, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 14:59, Reply)

Yes.
There´s this tv actress called Regina Duarte, and her daughter studied in the same school as I. So, kids were playing football, and I was watching. I sensed the smell of smoke, and it was that bitch smoking behind me. I turned around and said something like "don´t smoke near me", and she bitched at me for a few, and I told her to fuck off. Oh, the things we can do when we are kids and have no sense of social behavior!
(Monocromatico Lady Godiva's horse, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 14:58, Reply)

Vinal spinning tune-mashers
the chemical brothers. A mate of mine was in a bar in Camden, and saw Tom Chemical. Mistaking him for Ed, he goes over and says "'Scuse me, but aren't you Ed Chemical?" Tom smirks and replies "no, I'm Tom", "Oh" says mate "Well you look just like him" and then wanders off, leaving a bemused Tom Chemical to wallow in beer induced obscurity.
(Mr_Sideways, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 14:55, Reply)

Emmerdale scotsman
Back in the late 90's I went to a coupla Doctor Who conventions, during the evening caberet it was my round, so off wandered to the bar,and came back laden down with 4 pints of the strongest bitter I could find,only to see some git sat in my place,so I stood there and muttered and glared at this interloper, who had the decency to move out of the way and look suitably embarresed.Only after he left the aisle and went up onto the stage did I realise it was kilt wearing haggis munching horse loving thesp Frazer Hines (who'se actually quite a top bloke as we found out in the bar afterwards) where we ended up drinking the place dry as Michael Sheard (who played Mr Bronson in Grange Hill) stood on a chair singing School's Out by Alice Cooper (I kid ye not)I also bought him a pint and told him Mr Bronson was an arsehole, and he smiled and said yes he was,and that its fun sometimes to play arseholes and have small children cry when you wander into shops.Top bloke.

apologies for the length
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Thu 15 Apr 2004, 14:48, Reply)

Do Grange Hill Actors Count?
If they do then I'm in here.

One of the lads from Grange Hill was doing panto in Fareham (down South) in 2001 and staying at a hotel run by my mate's family. After meeting him in the local kebab shop and everyone singing the theme tune ("do-do do dooo") he called as bunch of pricks and stormed off in a huff with us shouting after him for his lack of humour. Problem was we were having a chrimbo bash at said hotel with free reign of the place as our host ran it. We caught up with him in the kitchen and then followed him around, staring whenever we could. Someone even found out his room number and started to whisper it when he was in earshot.

Cruel.
(castro, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 14:47, Reply)