Worms
I'll probably be having a very hungover breakfast with Andy Davidson, creator of Worms, in a greasy wonderful cafe in Bournemouth on Sunday morning.

And/or getting pissed with him.
( gone, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 13:39, 1 reply)

And also I had a pint with Hugh Dennis
Who was in a play in Guildford at the time. I knew one of the other people in it. He wasn't very chatty TBH, maybe he was tired.
(thefuckestuppest cheapened this, on, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 13:35, 2 replies)

I met John Simm in a strip bar
We were both on stag dos.

He was pretty cool, let me have a photo with him even though he clearly didn't really want to.
(thefuckestuppest cheapened this, on, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 13:34, Reply)

I may have mentioned this before
I went to see Jimmy "Tax-dodger" Carr in about 2005-6 with a mate of mine from work, After the gig I went for a piss and didn't wash my hands. I definitely had some "residue" on my them so went to get his autograph, shook his hand and had my photo taken with him and my mate.

I think he may have noticed after that his hand was a bit wet as I saw him wipe it on himself so in a sense I pissed on Jimmy Carr.

If this is liked enough, I'll re-edit this with a photo (Not of me peeing on him, You dirty bastards)
(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 13:33, 2 replies)

Mind benders and Monkeys
Many moons ago my first proper job after school and working part time in a magic shop was working for a TV production company.

I built magic tricks and illusions for Paul Zenon, the folks at Channel 5's "Monkey Magic" (Ali Cook, Pete Firman, Stuart and Barrie all of whom then went to work on BBC's Magicians)and Derren Brown.

All of whom were really lovely people and I still see Derren and Pete occasionally.
(kickstandrich last had sex with your mum/sister/wife/daughter on, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 13:08, 3 replies)

Recruitment consultancy
I used to work as a recruitment consultant for Joseph Kony. He was really nice, and took on loads of kids on work experience from the local schools.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 13:07, Reply)

Jim Davidson. Rick Mayall.
Sod it, everyone else is being tenuous.

Jim Davidson was in the Bunch of Grapes in Bristol

(The 'G' has a tendency to go missing. Childish, very childish. Teehee)

I assume he was in panto. Due to the news at the time there was a certain amount of hostility towards him, which may have been why he didn't stay long. As he left a friend inquired "Are you off home to beat your wife again?" The rude prick never answered.


Bank holiday drinking with my friend Tom we were in another Bristol pub - he type that has exposed wooden beams and copper pans on the wall. We saw a man in there who looked like Rick Mayall. This was because he was Rick Mayall. I had to explain to Tom that hitting Rick Mayall with frying pans is only funny if it is on TV.
(teebie jeebie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 13:06, 5 replies)

Bruce Springsteen
Sang happy Birthday to my wife down the phone.

She's also had one of Bill Clinton's Cigars. Apparently innocently.

When me and 'er indoors got married, Clarence Clemons rang us up to wish us well.
( Ya What Skiddlyboop, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 13:06, 1 reply)

Stephen Hawking
While a smelly student, I once gatecrashed a university wine do being held in his honour for the professors and their wives and downed a bunch of the complimentary plonk before making off with a few bottles. The do itself was pretty horrifying though. The professors themselves hadn't the confidence or knowledge to talk shop with him, so instead it was lots of condescending professors wives talking to the great man himself. They knew nothing about his work of course, so the conversation was mostly excruciating along the lines of "Didn't you do well (for a cripple)!", or "Just as well that you're so good at the science stuff (for a cripple)!", or stuff about how his wheelchair and voice synthesiser worked. I had a horrifying image of Hawkings life on the university circuit, with this boring scene repeated over and over everywhere he goes.
(cutofyourjib, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 13:03, 2 replies)

I had a wank over Winona Ryder.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 13:03, 3 replies)

Straits and Little Charley Bear
My sisters hubby south african actor / musician Terence, is the new Mark Knopfler in " The Straits" and is getting to hob knob with all types of ageing musical people ( i had lunch with clapton etc ) and my big brother Nick who is an animator type was the "Technical Director" on BBC kids program Little Charley Bear.
(a girl called harry, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:59, Reply)

a friend of mine's boyfriend had sex with Amy Winehouse
last week.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:56, 1 reply)

I see famous people...
Hugh Laurie lives a few doors down from me. Last saw him banging on the off-licence door at 10.00am on Boxing Day.

Helena Bonham-Carter and Tim Burton share two houses (adjoined by an underground tunnel) only a few streets away. Often see her dressed as a bag-lady, chain-smoking outside the local coffee shop.

Chris Martin & Gwyneth Paltrow live just up the hill, pass her chauffeur driven car most mornings.

Ricky Gervais lives further up the hill, my road is on his jogging route. I made £8k selling a decent snap of him running whilst listening to his iPod. The NOTW bought it and printed it under the headline 'iPodge' - that line even made it into his stand up routine!

Jude Law lives just down the hill, once saw him sat on his front doorstep bitching that he'd locked himself out. And the bastard can't drive, almost knocked me off my scooter one time.

Moving down the fame ladder:

Meg Matthews and Sadie Frost seen regularly at local gastropub.

Alex Garland rented the flat below me for two years.

Was on nodding terms with Chris Evans after I helped him stumble back to house after a heavy session at our local. He has since moved.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:55, 8 replies)

There was this one time
When I was having a pint in a pub and Brian Cant was sat at the bar less than 10 feet away.

I nearly came.

It was the White Lion of Mortimer in Finsbury Park back in the day.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:55, Reply)

Get this:
I'm an acquaintance of the sister of one of the members of erstwhile 90s close-but-no-cigar boy band Get Ready. Beat that, if you can.
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:48, 3 replies)

I went to see the Prodigy once,
and outside afterwards a journalist walked up and told us that due to having to shoot off to cover a warehouse fire across town, he didn't need his 3 aftershow party tickets and was giving them to us.

I was queuing at the bar for ages trying to get a drink and being ignored, muttering under my breath and the like when a hand slapped me on the shoulder followed by Keith Flint leaning past me and shouting at a barmaid 'Serve this guy next, he's been here ages' before giving me a nod and fucking off.

I got 3 rounds in at once so I wouldn't have to go back as I suspected this would not happen again.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:46, 6 replies)

I was the back of Harry Potters head...
Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone (Sorcerers Stone if you're a Merkin).
I was Daniel Radcliffe's body double, which basically meant whenever you see Harry in the film, but you can't see his face, it's me.

They are (or were) all really nice kids and we all got along really well, Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy) was genuinely hilarious and we played a lot of Tony Hawks 2 on the play-stations that Warner Brothers provided us, as if the sheer amount of literal wizardry going on around us wasn't enough to keep us entertained. It always sounds holier than thou when I talk about it but it genuinely was one of the best things I have ever been involved with and was so much fun to be a part of.

My Mum was an extra in Diagon Alley and to this day still tells people "I was in Harry Potter, but I don't like to talk about it" as if it is her hilarious catch phrase. The scene she was in was actually cut, but she insists at pointing at the telly when it's on saying "That's me there" pointing at a dark corner of the screen. She is even going to buy this ridiculous £200 36 disc complete collection based on the tiniest of possibilities she may be in some of the "never before seen footage".

This was 12 years ago and I still ride along on the coattails of my 11 year old self's glory!
It's just slightly emotionally crippling that my face wasn't good enough and the film is actually not that good.

Oh and my brother was the real boy laying on the floor at the end of the NSPCC "Cartoon boy" advert and my other brother was the Barnardo's "Heroin Baby".

Sorry for...wizardry.
( Supersam11 Can I go on the slides please?, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:45, Reply)

ooh, just remembered another one!
Back in my commuting days, I was on a train on my way home from London. After a bit of a doze, I woke up to find Rich Hall, the comedian sitting opposite me. He was in Otis Lee Crenshaw guise, and chatting to another chap who I sort of recognised, but couldn't put a name to.

As per usual, the train stopped for some reason; much tutting and sighing ensued around the carriage. During this I caught Rich's eye and he nodded & said hello. He asked his friend what time they had to be in Birmingham, then asked me if the trains always stopped like this and how long the delay was likely to be. We chatted for a bit, he introduced himself and so did his friend. I didn't quite hear what he said when he shook my hand as the train had started again by then (I didn't ask him to repeat it, thought it might be a little offensive if I didn't know who he was when I'd clearly recognised Rich Hall). They were both thoroughly nice guys though; transpired they were on the way to Birmingham to do a gig, but were travelling by (Silverlink!) train as it was cheap... don't think they'll have made that mistake again :)

Anyway, the claim to fame here isn't mine - as most of my stories so far this week have been, they're more "encounter with someone famous" rather than "claim to fame" - it's Rich Hall's friend's, who was (possibly) someone I'd seen on the TV, looked vaguely familiar, but not enough for me to know who he was, even after he'd told me his name...
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:44, Reply)

Time team dick, Downton froggy, BB hotty, Scotch moneybags and 70's flashbacks.
I've stood next to Tony Robinson in the urinals during an MTV party at Temple Meads in the 90s.

A bloke at work lives next door to Joanne Froggat.

An ex-employee's cousin is Emma WIllis.

My wife's dad's cousin is Duncan Bannatyne.

I was in the church choir at Eddie Large's wedding.

I used to see Precious Mackenzie quite regularly on the way to Southville Primary School in Bristol. He fancied my mum apparently.

I also met Alan Taylor from HTV in a carpet shop in Cannon Street Bedminster in the 70s. Unfortunately Chester wasn't with him. I suspect he was just buying a carpet.
(daddypigsaw Geddinthebackothevan!, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:41, 2 replies)

Years and years ago I was a courier in central London
So got to see people like John Snow and Boris Johnson on a regular basis out and about on their bikes. John Snow's socks are legendary btw as can be sometimes glimpsed at when he's reading the news.

Anyway, one time I was waiting at the lights on Shaftsbury Avenue behind Boris, and when the lights changed I had to whine, "Come on Boris." It came out with such familiarity it quite startled the bloke, who apologetically replied "No, after you!" And got out of my way. I think he was a little surprised a shaven headed courier knew who he was, or something
( Jahled Three shades of black, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:40, 2 replies)

Famous bum on toilet seat
Took my girlfriend to 'The Three Chimneys' Restaurant on the Isle Of Skye. Madonna and Guy Ritchie had visited there earlier in the year. My girlfirend went to the loo twice and used both cubicles...hence there's a very good chance my girlfriend has sat on the same seat as Madonna...so I've shagged an arse that has been in the same place as Madonna's bare arse.
(Alfster, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:38, 1 reply)

Tim Vine
Tim Vine walked past me in Edinburgh pulling a suitcase with a friend of his pootling beside him.

I heard Tim say to his mate: "Here's £20 quid."
Mate replies: "No, it's Ok."
Tim retorts: "But you got the drinks in."

End of discussion and they walk away.

I know...Tim Vine said something and there was no pun or hidden punchline at the end...and I was there...must be a claim to fame...
(Alfster, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:34, Reply)

While working at the club I mentioned below
Joan Jett and the Blackhearts performed. After the show she exited the place through the kitchen, walking within a couple of feet of me.

She was minging in every sense of the word.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:31, Reply)

I walked past Clive Anderson once.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:27, Reply)

Adam Hart-Davis
He was the guy on a bike generally in vile fluorescent pink and yellow cycling clothes who presented "what have the Romans done for us" and other pop-science/history programs.

He gave a speech and handed out awards for Scientific innovation that a spin out company at the University I used to work for had won. Then we had a lunch. He sat next to me and he was lots of fun and an enormous piss head . There were tables of eight and on each table were 2 bottles of wine. Every person on the table apart from me and Adam were driving but no one really had the chance to drink any because Mr Heart-Davis was swilling it back like Oliver Reed after a trip to Saudi Arabia.

Once he had polished off the bottles on the table he shouted over to other tables to pass over their bottles (it seemed there were a lot of drivers). By the end of the afternoon he was incredibly loud (he was hardly quiet before) and a little incoherent. But all in all a really nice bloke.
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:24, Reply)

I was in a pub in Soho the other week with a mate
and we ended up talking about music over a few beers with this American dude at the bar. It wasn't until the next day my mate saw a picture on facebook and found out he was the drummer from the Foo Fighters.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:10, 1 reply)

Yet another one.
My Mums cousin is Alastair Stewart, the newsreader.
(username failed moderation, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:09, 7 replies)

Many years ago,
I went to the Gambia in Africa with my parents over the Christmas period.

We were there for two weeks and it was possibly the hottest place I've ever been. I spent most of the time running around on the beach playing football and playing with other kids from the hotel, but didn't realise that in hot weather, you become dehydrated very quickly and this can have adverse consequences.

A few days into the holiday, i got the shits really, really bad - proper weapons-grade diarrhea; It's the only time in my life that i've actually shat in a bed.

This lasted for about 3 days until on Christmas day itself, i was confident that i wasn't going to drop bombs all over the place without warning. On Christmas day, the residents of the hotel were invited for Christmas dinner on the beach. Me and my family went down to the beach and sat down, when we realised that just a short distance away was the BBC Newsround Team and the one and only John Craven filming a section on Christmas in Africa.

My parents thought it would be a great idea to have dinner and then go watch them filming and try to maybe grab a couple of pictures with Craven himself; so, we had our dinner and then made our way over to seafront to see if we could get on tv.

All was well, but eating such rich food was starting to make my stomach gurgle something fierce. When we got to where the crew was filming, Jon Craven was already chatting to other people and had virtually finished doing his bits to camera. My Dad approached him and asked would he mind having a few pictures taken with me and my sister, and he duly obliged; he even said he had one bit to camera left to do and asked if we'd like to be on camera with him and a group of other kids for the 'goodby from Africa' part of the VT. AWESOME!

So, we all get into shot around Craven, the camera starts rolling, and he does his bit to camera and all the kids - including me - jump and shout 'Goodbye!' enthusiastically....

... A little bit too enthusiastically in my case, as i proceeded to shit myself.

My one appearance on national TV and I shit myself. Happy Christmas.
(Colostomy Bag Explosion Lubing the gears of commercialism, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 12:08, 2 replies)

i danced in the olympic opening ceremony dressed as ziggy stardust holding a massive ziggy stardust head

( Spunky McPunk not dead yet, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:57, Reply)

Rcoket ticket
I once saved Ronnie O'Sullivan from getting aprking ticket in Regent's Park. I warned him that an apparently free parking area was actually a well-known trap for the local parking attendant bastards--one of who could be seen approaching in the distance. He was very grateful.
(Daoloth, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:52, Reply)