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This is a question I don't understand the attraction

Smaug says: Ricky Gervais. Lesbian pr0n. Going into a crowded bar, purely because it's crowded. All these things seem to be popular with everybody else, but I just can't work out why. What leaves you cold just as much as it turns everyone else on?

(, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 14:54)
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Gavin and Stacey.
If I want to see Barry Island and people standing around going "ooo... what's occurrin'?" I'll go and visit my relatives. Not fucking funny.

(And yes, Barry is every bit as shit as it looks, and worse.)
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 23:08, 2 replies)
Business speak...
...or 'managment wankisms' are pointless and can we please sideline them going forward?

Besides the obvious stock phrases, people seem to have another mode of speech at work and I find it so distracting that I either miss the point and sit there quietly pissing myself laughing (in my head at least). Or they aren't actually saying anything at all, making me wonder what the fuck it is that everyone is talking about.

Plus I don't get the usual stuff like reality TV, light entertainment, Ant and Dec etc.

Oh and Web 2.0 and cloud computing, fucking marketing spin. Besides I've moved on to Web 3.0 and Nebulus computing.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 22:46, 3 replies)
Fucking X Factor and all the twunts who keep putting it on their Fuckbook status
I don't give a flying monkfuck who these fucking twins are, get a fucking life and USE THE REMOTE CONTROL TO SWITCH OVER. You c*unts. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Bastard sons of goatwhores.

(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 22:38, 3 replies)
The Simpsons
Am I the only person around who thinks this show is WAY past its sell-by date? It has long been my belief that the only reason this show hasn't been cancelled is because the feckin merchandise still sells, mind you, if it were it'd go the way of family guy I suppose, the outcry from the rabid (and in my eyes, insane) fans would uncancel it and the quality of episodes would decline even further. I mean, it's into, what, its 21st series now? The last few episodes I watched (I have since boycotted the show) from a good few years back (around series 15/16) were just riding on past glories and destroying them.

Can anyone give me a good reason to watch this show, really?

Other things I don't understand the appeal of are crowded, noisy bars and nightclubs (you can't even hear the voices in your head), x-factor and all other reality tv shows, they're utter shit and those who present them should be culled for the good of the planet.

Might post some more when I can use more than just swear words to describe them.

Length? Of the simpsons, far too f**king long.....
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 22:13, 1 reply)
souped up cars
crappy ones... even saw a pimped out old nissan micra in brizzle.

People spend so much money on doing up their corsas, saxos... You can't polish a turd... Can you?

Why do they do it?
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 22:06, 7 replies)
other people's teacups
they're just not my cup of tea.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 22:00, 1 reply)
Football..but sports in general....
I can understand the *playing* of them... it keeps you fit, indulges your competitive urges etc..

But what I dont understand is the obsession. I know people who dont watch *anything* on TV apart from sports. ESPN, Sky sports... the news channel is Sky Sports News... I just dont get it. And mores to the point, I fucking hate it. The rabid worship of a bunch of overpaid ugly morons running around after a ball...Makes me want to gas every single one of them.

Im not talking about the ones who will watch a match with a beer, Im talking about the ones that buy the shirts and have no other subject of conversation..

Now, the surgeon that saved my life a couple of years ago, he is completely worth 100K a week.

Some cunt whos only skill is putting a ball in a net?

He, quite frankly, is not worth the sweat off my cock.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 21:42, Reply)
Fucking Everything!
Alcohol - I hate it. Don't like drinking myself, and drunk people are cunts let's face it. Why would you want to do stupid things, be sick everywhere and not remember any of the 'fun' you had last night? I'm not trying to offend anyone here, but then again this is the internet, I don't care if you disagree!

Body Hair - Especially pubes. On men or women, they just look and feel rank. If I had the time/money/patience all of mine would be gone but for now just shave the downstairs. I'm not going down on any girl if I'm getting hairs in my teeth.

Twilight - Shite. Made for teenage girls. Fuck off, no vampire should sparkle.

Radiohead - Cheer up you ugly bastard. Yes Muse are similar. But they're fucking good so don't expect me to like Thom Yorke and his band of miserable fuckers.

Religion - It's not real. So piss off. If it makes you happy, or you get some sort of feeling of protection or whatever from it, don't give it up. Hang on to that belief. But don't you dare try and get me to believe in it, because it's all made up.

iPhone - It's an iPod Touch with a shit phone stuck on it. iPod touch is good, so get one of them and save your money. Now put it away you cunt, stop showing off, no-one cares.

Rant over. For now. There'll definately be more here when I think of some more. Btw am I the only one who thinks this QOTW is just designed to start arguments? Good one though, I'll enjoy this.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 21:40, 4 replies)
The BMW 1200 GS
Now, anyone reading this will instantly know who I am as I seem to be the only person in the world who doesn't like them.

I should probably start of by saying that I'm an avid biker and I've ridden motorbikes for years. I love them, I think they're sexy as hell and really good fun.

However, everything the BMW GS 1200 is, everything it represents, the crowd that follow it, really leaves me cold.
It's ugly - it's probably the only motorbike I've ever seen that's been designed to look like someone's taken an elephant to a motocross bike, and then strategically melted little bobbles of plastic over inappropriate places for an abstract artistic effect. It's looks are not logical, nor are they sexy. About what you'd expect from a german company.

In fact, it doesn't even sound that nice - just sounds like a commuter 125 with the pitch dropped a couple of semitones. It's underpowered for a 1200. It's just not attractive.

Aha, I hear you say, but wasn't it designed to go around the world?
Perhaps, but you can take a lot of bikes around the world - and the 1150GS was the one that went around the world (barely - anyone who saw it watched one of the frames break). The 1200 went on the african journey. This also doesn't explain the popularity amoungst the stupid city commuters in London who ride all the way from Balham to Bank on their pristine 58 plate BMW 1200 GSs, only to return it to the safety of their garage in the evenings.

And why is it so popular? Because two actors took this motorbike through africa. Oh wow, you saw it on TV and now you want to buy it because you think it's the most reliable bike in the world. Anyone who's ever ridden a Yamaha Diversion or a Suzuki Bandit would have something to say to that! Bunch of conformists - the people that own them should learn to think for themselves.

Oh, and one more thing - it's really really ugly.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 20:45, 15 replies)
I was recently watching a film
which was a romantic comedy for the first half hour. Then, bewilderingly, it ended with the two main characters duelling with anti-tank rifles! Frankly I didn't understand the ATR action.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 20:44, Reply)
Why do so many people waste Saturday and Sunday nights watching this drivel?

Lets try to find a person who fits the mould of who we want to win this year? As much as they say its fair, its scripted. Its a waste of time

If you really want to support new music, go to a local pub or gig venue, spend a £5 on a ticket and see 2-3 local bands who are trying to do it by themselves! Don't support Simon Cowell in his quest to get even more money and ripping off these innocent people.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 20:38, 4 replies)
my hangups.
MY CAT: i hate people who say to me 'its just a cat' or 'cats dont do anything but eat and sleep'.... Lets clear this up. My cat is the most precious thing in my life. She is my baby, albeit a small, furry, four legged one... but she is still my baby. I will never have children both by choice and nature so leave me to mother my animals. If you say my cat does nothing but eat and sleep, i will say 'yeah but so does your baby, execept i dont have to wipe my cats arse when she shits like you do!'

DRINKING: this i just dont understand at all. Dont get me wrong ive had my fair share of drunken nights. But those ended when i woke up in a strangers house. You can have so much more fun sobre with the added bonus that you actually have memories for life the morning after and no sore head!!

FOG LIGHTS: Ok its a clear night, stars are out wind is cool.... WHY THE MERRY FUCKING HELL DO YOU HAVE YOUR FOG LIGHTS ON AS WELL AS YOUR HEADLIGHTS!! its not like they will help in any way, unless you just like to blind other drivers? well do you? see how you feel when i take a fucking crow bar to your car for almost making me plant my bike in a hedge cos of your bad road manners.

XMAS: i saw my first xmas advert on tv in MAY this year... yeah thats right MAY. i dont understand how in august/september they can justify shops with xmas decorations out. All it does is irritate people, make kids whinge at there parents and make me even more reclusive than i already am.

PRETTY BOYS WITH NO CHEST HAIR: Im a firm beliver that real men have hairy chests. I dont understand womens obsession with pretty boys that look like girls.

SEX: I dont get sex. Ive had good, ive had bad, ive had some that freaks me out.... i gave it up. and so far i havent looked back. My life is trouble free, no respnsibility to a partner, no wondering if last nights one night stand has given me something.... Really my life has improved so much without it that even the thought of it turns me cold now. It actually makes me want to gag.....
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 20:36, 11 replies)
Kid A and Amnesiac
Outside of a few songs, I find them mostly boring, and I listened the buggery out of them. Give me The Bends or OK Computer anyday.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 19:34, 4 replies)
Ooooh.....Well done....you've invented the stencil....That's SOOO edgy...

In fact.....Fuck it....All of the 'art' set.

Hirst, Emin and all the others taking millions for pumping out utter drivel that the 'art world' think is the best thing they ever saw.

It's the emperor's new clothes for the modern age with everyone too scared to say 'er...thats utter wank' lest the other critics turn on them for 'not getting it'.

Fuck them all with a big hammer.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 19:11, 10 replies)
A sample of the things what Maladicta does not understand.
Babies Everyone, it seems, in the place where I work is getting pregnant or is off on maternity leave incubating their lovely crotchfruit. Then, they bring them into work to see everyone, catch up with their manager or whatever and there will be a stampede of women to see the new mother and her offspring, and they will all coo and ooh and aah and how 'cute' the baby is. Now I know people say "you'll love it when it's your own", but I have zero intention of giving birth, and to me all babies look like David Jason, Winston Churchill or a combination of the two (regardless of gender). Plus, they scream and puke and cry and shit and so forth, and they always either love me or throw up on me. Or both. I am not good with children of any age, but babies weird me out particularly because I think even if I do go "aw, isn't he/she/it lovely?" they can tell I'm insincere because I think it looks like a former Prime Minister in bootees.

Reality TV How Clean Is Your Celebrity Makeover Strictly Come X Factor Dancing On Ice, or whatever the fuck is on these days. I've got news for you, TV directors - I don't care which celebrities can dance better than these other celebrities, I don't want to hear Tracey from Bolton warble her way through My Heart Will Go On to be verbally eviscerated by Simon Cowell, I don't want two aged women pawing through someone's filthy lair and cleaning it all for them on my TV, and I definitely don't want 15 people in a house gradually fucking and falling out with one another and clogging up the papers and the internet with their mundane lives for the whole summer each year. And ITV cancelled Primeval so they could have more money for this shit? Fuck that, I'd rather watch dinosaurs and questionable science than some vacuous fame factory.

Drinking till you throw up Where, please, is the enjoyment in that horrible, sickly, cloudy-headed state where you stumble over things, faceplant spectacularly in clubs and get kicked out for being so wasted, then throw up in epic fashion either in the gutter or your toilet (friend to hold back your hair optional)? Especially when the morning after your head is still spinning, you feel like you've been whacked in the skull with a two-by-four and then you go out and do it all again the next week?
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 18:01, 21 replies)
It's the 21st century, not the Dark Ages.

In most countries, religion is no longer compulsory. Churches have no power over us. So why choose to subject yourself and your family to the rule of religion?

Beats me.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 16:39, 14 replies)
My mum always had a go at me if I wasn't super-nice to the family from Athens who lived next door
She'd go absolutely ballistic if I didn't offer to help with their shopping etc.

Years later I discovered this was all down to a type-o in her Bible (my mum's a devout Catholic, for her sins).

Took me ages to explain to her that, no - in point of fact - it is not the Greeks who will inherit the Earth...

She just couldn't seem to get her head round that one...
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 16:34, 1 reply)
Go die in a fire, you beef-ruining bastard.

That is all.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 16:15, 5 replies)
hot drinks
i don't understand why people are so addicted to tea or coffee. hot drinks take ages to make, take ages to drink, leave you really thirsty, and tea tastes like how i imagine freshly boiled piss would taste, whilst coffee may well be the vilest smell this side of a bacon sandwich. the same goes for soup. soup is great in a bowl with a spoon (although don't get me started on dunking bread in it and making the bread soggier than a 90 year old cock and the soup full of horrible slimy bits, therefore ruining both parts of the meal) but it becomes a horrid drink in a mug.

i also don't get bacon sandwiches. every one of my friends who was a typical teenage girl vegetarian snapped on bacon sandwiches. it's chewy, fatty, salty and tastes like how i imagine freshly boiled leather would taste. what do people see in bacon butties, please?
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 15:59, 18 replies)
Lists of one word answers. They seem to be extremely popular in this qotw, as if expecting one to nod along and go "yeah, yeah, right on, yeah". If you don't like something, tell us why. Give us a detailed explanation so that we have something to base our own opinions on. By listing 8/10 seemingly unconnected nouns, it suggests that you consider yourself far too above everyone to bother to explain your reasons why. I'd rather read a sensible, thought out post against something that I enjoy (e.g. football) than a list of things that could merely an extremely surreal shopping list.

For that matter, ". 'Nuff said." or "Need I say more?". Yes, please do. Enlighten us as to why you posted that, and don't be arrogant enough to assume we all share the same views as you.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 15:47, 1 reply)
The entitlement culture
Certain people think they deserve everything without having to work for it.

Third generation unemployed (the last one to pay tax on a wage was great-grandad) shouting at nurses in A&E because they have to wait was one event I witnessed.

Graduates from low ranking universities with desmonds that want to sue the Uni because they can't get a fabulous job straight away.

Most road rage events -- caused by people that think it's actually their road and not others

And then there's MP expenses; bankers and bonuses; "celebrities" behaving like cocks on a night out.

I don't get it. How do their brains short circuit the fact that they don't automatically deserve everything by default?
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 15:42, 1 reply)
Family guy:
12 laughs a year simply isn't good when it is attempting to go for volume of gags.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 15:40, Reply)
Not my cup.......

Nope, that's too low even for me.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 15:40, Reply)
As this has turned in to a rant about things we don't like
Shopmobility scooter mentality
Don't mind about people using them but fekking hell its a scooter not a harley - you are not king/queen of the pavement so stop speeding! Also the supermarket has limited isle space chat to your mates at the cafe do not clog up the isles.

Elderly shoppers
You are off all week why choose a busy Saturday/Sunday to do your shopping and tut at the young busy people?
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 13:52, 1 reply)
Fake Tan
now fair play if it does look like a tan and it is summer.

but being radioactive orange in the middle of fucking december and saying its all natural is just bollocks.

i fail to understand how men are attracted to something bright orange and caked in slap.
i also think bleach blonde hair makes this look a hell of a lot worse.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 13:19, 5 replies)
The sheer rabid hatred of anything with an Apple on it
It's a fucking computer. So fucking what? Are Windows/Linux people so insecure that they feel the need to rubbish it for being different?

I don't give a flying rat's tossbag™ (Thanks, Blighty) what sort of computer anyone uses if it gets the job done for them.

Fucking grow up.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 11:26, 12 replies)
Right then, after I posted this:
www.b3ta.com/questions/coldfish/post541487 I was challenged by a few people to "man the fuck up" and actually come out with the list of things that I dislike that "everyone else" likes.

OK, then, here goes:

1) The Blame Culture.

Whatever it is, it's always someone else's fault and therefore we are not to blame. From 'political correctness gone mad' to 'Nanny State' to 'Immigrants are taking all our jobs' it always seems to be someone else's fault, and most people can whinge at an Olympic-level standard about the wrongs in our society.

However, try to talk to anyone about politics - about the forces that govern the UK - and no-one wants to know. It's boring, it will always be the same, and so on, and so forth. The causal link between the way our society is run and the responsibility of the individual to effect change is never thought of. Membership of every political party is at an all-time low, public protests (such as they are) are hi-jacked by the Rentamob brigade of professional agitators basically because none of us can be bothered to get up off our arses and call the politicians to account.

Basically the government we get is the government we deserve and in a perverse way, we are happy with the status quo in this country simply because it gives us a chance to moan. Either put up and shut up, or effect change. The third option adopted by everyone - moan and then do fuck all - drives me insane.

2) The celebrity culture.

What the hell is wrong with celebrating people who have talent ? Talent to entertain means being able to be witty, or play an instrument, or sing, or do *something* significantly better than 99.99% of the population. It used to be that having such talent made you famous. Now you are famous because you share your most intimate details - and gratuitously display your body - to the masses. The talent any of these "celebrities" has is purely for self-promotion and I wish to fuck that the public didn't have a seemingly incessant demand to know about the private lives of complete strangers.

3) The adoption of American customs and habits in the UK.

Already, we have "prom nights" for our kids - as if being a schoolkid wasn't bad enough, the poor bastards have to fret about getting dates, hiring a limo and renting / buying formal dress for a "prom", an institution that was unheard-of 20 years ago.

What's next FFS ? Cheerleaders at sports games ? Calling football "soccer" ? Celebrating Thanksgiving ?

If we're going to adopt the mores of another nation, sure to God there is a better example than the USA somewhere in the world. Although really we have enough customs of our own, and shouldn't need to borrow from another culture.

4) Meaningless mass emoting.

Every time someone famous dies, the amount of public grief is inversely proportionate to the meaningful deeds of that person. From Princess Diana to Michael Jackson, the public act as if they have lost a member of their own family. For the love of God, get a sense of proportion.

So, that's my list - or as much as it as I can be bothered to share. I've got a load of logs delivered this morning I have to stack up - hopefully some physical exercise will purge the rage I now feel out of my system !
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 10:47, 16 replies)
I'll add to the many anti-'friends' postings.
A 'comedy' for people who don't like to go to the actual effort of laughing out loud.

Friends= sitcom enjoyed exclusively by teenage girls, gays and mentals.

If you're not in the first two categories, then you're in the last one.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 10:44, 4 replies)
I'm sitting here in a coffee shop, and in front of me is a partially obscured calender which says J A N U A R

I can't see Y.
(, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 10:14, 1 reply)

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