And you thought timeshare was bad....
My folks bought a timeshare years ago in Tenerife. Surprisingly, it was actually very good. Very high quality resort, beautiful location, facilities etc.

However, following the death of my father (who looked after all of their finances) my mum went on holiday with my sister the following year. They came back to announce that they had traded in my mum's timeshare - admittedly the annual maintenance costs were become quite high - for some god awful points system, courtesy of a company called IVC, and some high pressure sales bullshit. I was not happy at all.

What a frigging rip off this is. You initially 'buy' an allocation of points. My mother's timeshare was taken as payment. For an additional annual membership fee, you get an annual allocation of additional points. You can then use your points to purchase a holiday "almost anywhere in the world".

Well, when they say "almost anywhere in the world" they actually mean, "almost anywhere in the world, as long as it's the Sands Beach Villas Resort in Lanzarote". Now I've been there, and it's very nice, but who wants to go to the same place every year? That's hardly the point of a holiday club now is it?

We tried to use my mother's points to obtain another holiday the following year. The company didn't even bother to answer the phones, or respond to emails.

However, they did still manage to get in touch with my mother to ask for her annual membership fee. She told them where to shove it.

Periodically she gets a call from some company or other claiming to be traders of holiday company points, who may have someone interested in buying my mother's points from her. They could be worth almost £20,000. Wow. Or indeed not. This is in fact a further scam, where the company ask for a deposit of maybe £750 in lieu of a sales fee.

Thankfully I investigated this shower of sheisters via the internet, and discovered that (surprise surprise) it was a scam, before we got too excited about it.

I told my mum that when they call back, just ask them why they can't take their sales fee out of the sale price. They don't really have an answer to that one. They'd also said that they would need my mother to pay the outstanding membership fee for the sale to go ahead.

Hmmm. Smells about as fishy as a rotting haddock wedged up Bella Emberg's long-expired flange.

So there you go. Trying to screw money out of an elderly widow. How fecking low can you get?

I hope they rot in hell.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 25 Oct 2007, 10:43, Reply)

Tesco (again)
Hardly a con at all, but a small triumph for the little man over the big corporation.

You know the petrol vouchers? If you spend over £50 on shopping they give you a voucher for 5p off a litre of petrol. The voucher has to be used within a certain date, or else it becomes invalid.

The don't bother to check the date! Get in!

/Punches the air
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 25 Oct 2007, 10:24, 2 replies)

sizzler
There's this restaurant in Australia called Sizzler - its like an all you can eat pasta, salad and meals restaurant. You pay for the salad bar and drinks, you can have as much of it as you like.

Had a look on their website recently and saw that if you complete a membership form, you can get a free meal there on your next visit. I emailed them and said that i completed a membership application form 4-5 weeks prior and and still hadn't received my membership card entitling me to a free meal. So they let me fill out another one, and today i got the free sizzler membership card entitling me to a free meal.

Thing is, i never completed any damn form. And I get a free meal.

Conned.
(brotagaia, Thu 25 Oct 2007, 10:03, 1 reply)

Tescos Policies
I used to work at Tesco's and became aware of the following method of working their policy system, mainly because they told us about it...

At the time, and it probably still is, Tesco's had a policy whereby if you had an item double-scanned they would refund the extra charge AND the charge of the item as goodwill. We were told that to avoid people taking the piss, if we got two items on the checkout we should scan one, then scan some other miscellaneous item and then scan the other so they weren't next to each other on the receipt as that is the only way customer services could tell.

So basically, if you buy two identical items in your shopping and find the checkout troll has scanned them without splitting them up, you can go and get your money back and two free items to do what you will with. "For example" you could purchase two £15 electric toothbrushes and then take back the receipt claiming to have been charged twice and get them both refunded. They are essentially giving things away free...

This may not work on anything of substantial value though.
(stubbledchin, Thu 25 Oct 2007, 10:00, Reply)

The Catholic Church
Ever been to the Vatican? Wondered where they got all the money to pay for that? I lived in Poland for a few years and became utterly sick of discovering that the most luxurious houses in small, poor towns belong to the priests. And when I say small and poor, there's nothing like it in the UK - not even in Liverpool.

The rapacious paedophiles squeeze every penny they can from each congregation, but the churches are unheated, unadorned and lacking in facilities for the local community. I wonder if the mansions the priests live in are unheated and unadorned? And these celibate hypocrites are quite happy to receive numerous presents (alcohol, food, holidays) whenever they pop round to the homes of their pious flock.

The entire history of the Catholic Church is one of business, corruption and exploitation. And the Orthodox Church isn't much better while we're at it. The Protestants aren't so bad because since Calvin and Martin Luther invited people to search their own consciences, people have decided that God is a crock of shit.
(frankspencer, Thu 25 Oct 2007, 9:41, 2 replies)

There was a sales rep
at my old company whom every time he went to Little Chef he used to just get a pot of tea. When he got to his table, however, he fished out the full english that he had stuffed into it.
Double eggs, bacon, sausages, tomato, beans and fried bread.
Those things are like a tardis.
(Creamy Discharge Freeze Motherstickers, this is a fuck up, Thu 25 Oct 2007, 7:39, 7 replies)

The honest truth
This is a word of warning as iv seen this happen a few times. NEVER EVER thust anyone who claims to be a christian in buisness dealings . They are the dodgiest con artists you will ever meet. The more of a god botherer they are the further you should run.

But you say the bible says "though shall not steal" . True , but it does not spicifically say "though shall tell the buyer about the fucked gearbox in the clio".

The problem is that as long as they pray for forgivness for their sins from god then everythings ok right?

This is why old mrs jones has just paid bodge the builder $5000 to install a catflap in her back door.
"But he goes to st swindles every sunday so i thought i could trust him"

In fact where i work the person who conned us the most was Father Kevin xxxxxxxx . Thats right ripped off by a priest the lying fucker.

Dont be decieved by their hand clapping thats atcually the sound of them rubbing their hands together in glee a finding another sucker to take in.
Bastards.

And exactly what happens to the money in the collection plate ??
(welgar, Thu 25 Oct 2007, 7:01, Reply)

Back in the day
I used to work for MBNA, now Bank of America. They were a pretty good employer actually.

When I left, giving them no notice whatsoever, they overpaid me by £1200 for my final months salary, as they paid me for the whole month but I left before the end of the month.

It was in my contract that I had to return overpayments, but when they phoned I pretended to be my dad and said that I had moved abroad.

Suckers!
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Thu 25 Oct 2007, 3:57, Reply)

I feel conned out of my time
by being tricked into reading people whinge about degree costs and how they don't lead to jobs.

In the UK, the average graduate earns more than £400,000 over their lifetime more than the average non-graduate. Fact.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Thu 25 Oct 2007, 3:52, 5 replies)

pot the black
back in high school i bet a mate £20 on a game of pool. clearly stating that the winner be the one who pots the black.

hence the first ball i potted was the black.

the fucker never did pay up!
(babyjak, Thu 25 Oct 2007, 2:55, 1 reply)

Not been conned, but have conned myself.
I like to think of myself as being too clever to be scammed. But I have committed one terrible scam which still haunts me to this day. Apologies in advance for length, girth, etc.

As a quick aside before I start, I'm not looking for kudos for this, nor am I proud of what I did. This was a silly idea that I had when I was young and naive and thought that nothing could possibly go wrong...

Most of my friends took the decision to go straight from A-levels to university. I, however, was offered a three day a week job doing odd jobs at a local web design company. Therefore I decided to defer my university entry for a year. Said company were paying me quite handsomely, and coupled with the minimal work hours, this meant I was able to jet around all over this fair isle visiting friends at their respective universities for long weekends of partying, boozing, and partying some more.

My weapon of choice for getting to these places was National Express. Very reasonably priced, more comfortable and punctual than trains, and if I travelled on one of the right routes, I was provided with entertainment on the coach TV screens. I would book my seat a couple of days in advance via their website, print off an e-ticket, and go visiting.

On one particular trip I made the observation that upon boarding, the drivers don't really pay much attention to the e-tickets. I made an assumption on this trip that the driver was probably only checking the route number (i.e. 402), and the origin and destination of travel. So I made a mental note next time I booked a ticket to save the e-ticket HTML file to my hard drive for further investigation.

Being an experienced website designer had its uses. I realised that it was perfectly easy to tinker with the e-ticket's HTML file and edit the information contained therein. So next time I travelled I printed out a counterfeit e-ticket, tailored to my exact route and journey, to see if the driver let me on. I chickened out at the last minute and bought a genuine ticket as well, stored safely in my bag just in case the fake one was turned down. But as I expected, the fake one passed the scrutiny of the driver's inspection and I took my seat, happy in the knowledge that I now possessed the ability to travel for free on National Express.

Of course I wouldn't have done this if I had felt any guilt. But I couldn't bring myself to feel guilty about it. This was a victimless crime. These coaches I was riding on would still be running if I wasn't riding on them. The few extra pennies that they would have to pay in fuel due to my weight were more than offset by the generous £2 tip I would anonymously leave on the driver's dashboard upon alighting. Nobody was losing out!

This was until one fateful journey, when I was set to go and stay with a friend in London. "Just get the coach to Heathrow, my housemate can pick you up from there", said this friend. Two minutes of HTML editing in Notepad, and I had 'booked' myself a ticket. Can you see where this is going?

Fast forward to the coach station: I boarded and took my seat on the coach, noting that it had turned up seven minutes before its timetabled departure. I then noticed the driver conducting a head count. And then pulling away six minutes early, presumably because the number of passengers on the coach matched the number on his passenger list. Except-fuck. Fuck fuck shitting fuckity fuck. I wouldn't have been on the passenger list, having not actually made a bloody booking. If the driver had counted the right number, we were clearly missing one passenger. Glancing out of the window I saw this one passenger: a young lady, laden with luggage, frantically running towards the coach trying to get it to stop. But the driver hadn't noticed her. And I couldn't bring myself to let him know she was there, in case I was found out and reported to the police. We drove off, minus this would-be passenger.

I spent the entire journey racked with guilt, which increased tenfold when I realised that this poor young woman was probably on her way to Heathrow to catch a flight, which I probably made her miss.

That was the last time I travelled with National Express, and certainly the last time I even thought about creating counterfeited travel documents. Someone was bound to lose out at some point, but unfortunately in this case it was an innocent passenger, and not the person who deserved to lose out (me).
(SJH, Thu 25 Oct 2007, 1:37, 2 replies)

I'm just stupid...
I always seem to remember these things too late...

Being a bloke, and in a serious relationship, I have very little time to entertain my manly activities, basically sitting in my filth and fiddling about with computers (and there's more, but others on here are all too ready to mention them, so I don't need to)

On one occasion, my better half was off visiting her family for two weeks. SWEET! thinks I! I'll miss her, I'll get fat and be hungover for two weeks, but it means I can upgrade my cruddy old computer!

I could've just bought a new box for less than I ended up spending, but I wanted to get my hands dirty.

So onto a popular online computer stuff site I go, and order the works, about 450 quid spent all up. New PSU, new motherboard and processor, more memory and graphics card (see? I should've just bought a new box, but as I wanted this purchase to be kind of under the radar with the missus, I felt it would be better to not have to explain what was obviously a new computer...)

So my lovely lady leaves, and I break out the tools (out of the gutter please, children).

Two days spent carefully pulling things apart and putting new things in, all interspersed with watching all the geeky TV shows I normally can't find time for, oh, and going to work.

The job complete I plug the beast in and try to fire it up. It all sounds like its working, but it doesn't boot up. Wash, repeat. Same result. And, I have no excuse for this, other than I am stupid, I was hungover and drunk, it was late and I couldn't understand why my new pooter wasn't working.... I switched the current switch on the back of the PSU and rebooted.

It certainly made a pretty picture! Nice flash, smoke, buzzing. But not 450 quids worth.

So after some head banging and crying, I formulated a plan...

I complained to the eTailer that the PSU had arrived with the switch in the wrong position, and it had fried not only all the stuff I bought, but my old memory, hard drive and other cards and stuff as well.

They got me to send everything back so they could check. Which I did, fearing I had been rumbled...

Ten days later the full 450 squids appeared back in my account, along with the postage fees refunded!

Now, I could've banged on about the existing equipment that 'their mistake' had damaged, but I didn't want to press my luck.

So I accepted what they refunded and just bought a new box and dealt with the consternation of my better half. Like I should've done all along.

But hey! I got to ruin some technology for free, lose my fingernails inside a computer, burn myself, eat crap, watch a lot of TV, cry, bang my head, and bring myself back from what would've been a month or two of financial ruin... Sweet, blokiness. I love it.
(lessmiserable, Thu 25 Oct 2007, 1:31, Reply)

Waiter! Fetch me my Marigolds!
Barcelona, we working there for a week in a really posh hotel. So posh we couldn’t afford to eat there! Jumping into a taxi hailed by the doorman, we arrived at a restaurant he had apparently recommended.

There were plenty of locals there, seemed like a nice place, and the menu was reasonable. The 4 of us chose a meal and a beer for about €10 each. The waiter slithered over and asked if we wanted a starter. Maybe some Tapas?

Well, whaddaya reckon chaps? Yeah, OK, that would be nice, great!

Duly, the plates of Tapas arrived, some zingy little sausages, some wonderful thin ham, some fucking huge juicy prawns, and some crayfish type of things.
Well, 2 of the guys were having none of that seafood muck, if it’s not out of a tin they don’t want to know. Fine by me, the Tapas was wonderful, though the problem with those prawns is that there’s not that much flesh in them for the size. You throw most of the things away.

So, we finished up, had our €10 Paellas and called for the bill. Should be, oh, €20 each, absolute maximum, surely? Well, as I’m sure you are all well ahead of me here, the bill arrived and the boss looked, jumped, looked again, then went white.

Now it’s standard practice in my crew to snap our fingers and call for our Marigolds at the end of a meal out, we’ll wash up because we can’t meet the bill. Oh, ha ha, very funny. This time, however, we were thinking it for real.

Total bill €286, thanks to the fucking Tapas, which was starting to make me feel distinctly sick. Luckily a credit card was produced and we were able to leave in one piece

As I left though, I approached a rowdy group of about 30 English lads sitting on the other side of the restaurant, obviously on a stag do, or maybe even football fans. Very pissed and barely under control.

“Listen lads, we’ve just had our pants pulled down over there, don’t let these cunts put ANYTHING down on the table unless you know exactly how much it costs.”
“What, you mean like this Tapas shit, these zingy sausages etc.”
“Yep, that’s the stuff, I hope you have plenty of cash with you. Enjoy your meal……..”

It did give me immense pleasure that the last thing I saw as I turned at the door was the sight of several lads standing on the table, and the first chair sailing through the air towards the huge fishtank as the roar of a drunken brawl just kicking off built up.

I hope they wrecked the place!
(Rsoles, Thu 25 Oct 2007, 1:05, Reply)

Pyramid scam
Ever been the victim of a pyramid scam thing?
I have, and so have most of my family.

We were conned to the tune of around £300K.

We're not a wealthy family, so before you get ideas about me.
My family did alright and had a couple of companies that they sold, had some spare capital, and a well trusted and long standing family friend comes along and says to my parents "how about I invest your money for you", now i was a lot younger and stupider than i am today, so none of that seemed out of the ordinary.
Not long before this happened a relative i'd grown to know better in the last six months of his life died and left his house to me and my brother, we had no use for it, had debts to pay, college etc, so we took it under good advice to sell the property.
Four weeks before he died, he changed his will into mine and my brothers favour due to a long running family dispute, and cut both my parents out of the will.
We sold his house a few months later, and after paying off the funeral, mortgage etc we were left ith around £75k each, which was nice.
Quids in i thought!
Oh no.

Our family insisted that we invest it with them since the money should have been theirs in the will anyway.
I didn't agree with this and was punished by being thrown out of my parents house (but with £75k in the bank), my brother had a girlfriend to go live with so he was ok.
Of course i came back with tail between legs and handed over £65k, after having bought lots of shiny things, as you do.
I also trusted this investor/ family friend person to invest the other £8k that was left by my grandmother 3 years previously.
Again done on the advice of the family.
We were given all sorts of projections by this man as to what sort of returns on our money we could expect.
Being naive is great, rose tinted glasses and all that.

Back then i could have bought a house with a small mortgage and be laughing due to the market prices now, and have a foot on the property ladder.

Anyway, so in total we'd cleverly (or so we thought) invested close to or over 300 grand, and all of a sudden we're told that the money has been frozen by the american banks due to 9/11 etc etc etc bullshit essentially.
And that's where it all really started to wrong.
We'd lost the lot, and the pressure I was put under at the time to invest the money by my parents makes me resent them even to this day, as my wife and i now could be so much better off and living better than we are now.

For me this has left a bitter taste in my mouth ever since 2001, and I won't give a single penny over to charity or waste my money on the tv (phone scam) competitions, however....I play the lottery because I love the irony.

Sorry for the long read, and all advice welcome.

Length? As long as seven years.
(Temper, Wed 24 Oct 2007, 23:22, 6 replies)

University con
I seems that most universities are conning the students. They really do have some completely useless courses for anyone that wants a qualification that employers are actually looking for.
Us students get thousands of pounds into debt and for what? there is no guarantee of a job at the end of it all. All the employers are looking for experience these days.
Come on universities, get your arses in gear and actually advise students what employers are looking for.
(Rickaaay Call me Ricky, for that is my name., Wed 24 Oct 2007, 23:20, 8 replies)

The greatest trick I ever did
was to convince the world I don't exist.
( drunkenoaf, Wed 24 Oct 2007, 23:17, 1 reply)

Hey! Con your way into making people think you're straight! Kinda...
Want a costume for Halloween, kids? Look no further! www.ep.tc/larrycraigmask/ Now you too can confuse people as to your sexuality!

(I hope that this story has made it across the Atlantic...)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 24 Oct 2007, 23:04, 3 replies)

Cons?
I've never been conned myself, I'm an astute businessman, just last week i entered negotiations with Dr Ron Mtumbi, who has offered me the princely sum of $32000000. My sort code for his monies? Done.
(InGear Slipped this one in on, Wed 24 Oct 2007, 23:00, Reply)

Deaf but dumb.
When telling friends this story at work I had no idea that the bloke who scammed me is a bit of a legend in old Ipswich town. He's a good looking black bloke, smartly dressed and, apparantly, deaf (not dead as I just typed - that'd be a good 'un.) He rang my doorbell having seen me put some rubbish out and passed me a note explaining that his car had broken down and he needed a quid so he could phone his girlfriend (how he would hear when she answered never crossed my mind) and naively believing him I gave him some money.

Imagine my surprise, then, when a year later he approached me in the street proffering a sheet of paper with that very same story written on it. This time I just mouthed 'no' and kept going. A year after THAT in almost the very same place he stopped me again (he can't have a good memory for faces, or I look like a mug.) This time I took the piece of paper from him (I'd got a pen in my pocket) and had almost finished writing "this is the third time you've asked me..." when he snatched the paper out of my hand and hurried away.

Turns out loads of people I know have come across this bloke and they nearly all believed him the first time. The best tale concerning him, however, is that he approached some friends of a friend at a bus stop, handed over the note only to gape in horror as one of them started talking to him in sign language... he acarpered empty handed.

Actually it's about time for annual encounter. My hair's a different colour now, so he ought to try me again...
(singingringingtree Living in the past., Wed 24 Oct 2007, 22:28, 1 reply)

Scout camp
I said that I was allergic to washing up liquid.

It worked, until I owned up.

I'm just too honest.
( Parmesan Quality b4 Quantity, Wed 24 Oct 2007, 22:13, Reply)

Mombasa
When I was 15 (also my parents' 25th wedding anniversary) we went to Kenya and Tanzania on safari.

After an amazing week (best thing: siafu, army ants - sod the lions and zebras!) we flew from Nairobi (in a plane which included a free cockroach) to Mombasa to recover for a week. We ventured into the city and got picked up by a guide. He took us around all the usual tourist places (where Her Maj once stayed, the Red Fort, etc) and a not-half-bad souvenir shop. We paid him modicum of notes (he having suggested $100 at first - ahem, ahem, we aren't that daft, thank-you).

We then read in a tourist guide that we had been taken for a massive ride, that we had paid him WAY too much and that we had been taken to the most absurdly expensive tourist tat place in the city. The engraved soapstone dish that we bought faded to almost nothingness within a year. We had been had.

Still, it's not like a family who could take a safari were exactly on their uppers...
( Parmesan Quality b4 Quantity, Wed 24 Oct 2007, 22:12, Reply)

Poundland.
Not exactly a con, but hey ho.


Gluing a pound coin to the floor is always amusing.


Thinking about it, I'm losing the pound, so I'm conning myself. Wow. I'm so dumb. =)
(Emily's Pet Badger Because I Move Like An Arctic Lizard, Wed 24 Oct 2007, 22:04, 1 reply)

A con? Surely not
Just received this email (in response to an advert I posted last year for private students)

My Dear,
It is my pleasure to contact you for a business venture which I and my Son George intend to establish in your country.Though I have not met with you before but I believe one has to risk confiding in someone to succeed sometimes in life.
I can confide on you for the brighter future of my children since you are a human being like me. There is this huge amount of Fifteen Million five hundred thousand united states dollars. ($15.500.000.00) which my late Husband kept for us with a Security Company here in Abidjan Cote D'ivoire before he was assasinated by unknown persons.Now I and my son George decided to invest these money in your country or anywhere safe enough for security and political reasons.

We want you to help us claim and retrieve these fund from the Security company and transfer it into your personal account in your country for investment purposes on these areas:

1). Telecommunication
2). the transport industry
3). Five star hotel
4). Real Estate

If you can be of an assistance to us we will be pleased to offer to you 10% Of the total fund. You can call my son George for more explanation on this number: +225 0734 6934

I await your soonest response.

Respectfully yours,

Mrs Helen

(number unstarred after request)
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 24 Oct 2007, 21:55, 2 replies)

Service Station con (no, not the pot of tea)
In common with many of you out there, I was once accosted by a chap in a motorway service station car park. Now, I had stopped for a nap, and was blearily staggering towards the bogs for a quick pee before getting on my way.

“Pssst, excuse me seeeenor” came a voice from a parked car, “do you a-speak Spanish?”
Groggily shaking my head, I found myself holding a lovely suede jacket, thrust into my hands by a vaguely dago-ish looking character.

He started his pitch – He was sorry about his poor English, he was on the way back from an exhibition, flying home to Spain, stock left over blah blah, and I stood there, gradually coming back to life, realising this “Spaniard” actually kept dropping into a Mancunian twang now and again.

He was on a roll because I’d not told him immediately to fuck off, and explained in broken English that he had several of these jackets in the boot, would I like them all for £350, rather than their retail value of £350 each?

Being a nice polite kind of chap I told him that was rather a lot of money, so sorry, no.

“How much ya got then mate, erm, m’sieur” asked Pedro, “I ‘ave to shift them all before I fly ‘ome, to-a Milan, make us an offer, like”

Realising Pedro was turning into Luigi, (via Manchester), and that I was being stitched up, I faced the arctic wind blasting across the car park which made my eyes water. Turning to face him I explained :

“Well, it’s like this mate, I’m skint, this fiver is all I have left to my name. My business has collapsed, the bailiffs repossessed my house this morning, my wife fucked off with my best mate, even the dog bit me. My bank sends me death threats and I’m actually on my way down to the Clifton Bridge to do some unattached bungee jumping. That nice shiny Jag you just saw me get out of belongs to my neighbour, who has been fucking my 16 year old daughter and has got her into making porn films for Arabs. Well, it did belong to him, he won't need it now, I gave him a good smack with an iron bar after I was evicted this morning, along with his wife.
Anyway, I really need to get going while I am still ahead of the posse that’s after me. Is that a police helicopter? Oh God, I have to go, I won’t let them take me alive. This jacket will be useful though, the one in the car is soaked in claret, fuck, I’ve never seen anyone’s brains before, have you? Here, take this fiver, God bless you. Sorry I haven’t got more, but at least you have one less jacket to get rid of. Look out for me on the news later wearing it. Shit, it’s them, I think they have seen me……”

Off into the service station I jogged, leaving a wide-eyed astonished Pedro/Luigi/Paul from Longsight sitting there staring at the fiver he had flogged a £350 jacket for to a murderer on the run.
Only for a few seconds though, as I reached the doors, I heard the car rev up and screech away.

Not bad really, considering I had expected him to sprint after me, drop the foreign rep façade and get his jacket back, whereupon I was going to expose his scam in a Roger Cook-stylee. (Incidentally, my Oscar-winning performance is obviously BS, apart from the death threats from the bank, they really can be quite blunt when I exceed my overdraft limit)

My Dad loooooves his suede jacket I thoughtfully got for his birthday. Yes Dad, you are right, it did cost a packet, but it’s my way of saying thanks for all the shit I’ve given you over the years.

Bingo, 2 cons in one day. Result!!!


Length? I’m breathing deeply and thinking about fishing love, I can go on like this all night.
(Rsoles, Wed 24 Oct 2007, 21:00, 2 replies)

Con-adian Pennies
A few years ago, when an American dollar was worth about $1.30 Canadian, I had the bright idea to pay for items here in the U.S. with exact change, but using one Canadian penny instead of a U.S. one in each purchase, since they look nearly the same, thereby profitting about 3/10 of a cent with each purchase. Of course, I didn't have an unlimited supply of Canadian pennies, so I'm sure I made less than 5 cents in total. And now the Canadian pennies are worth more than the U.S. ones anyway...
(chase, Wed 24 Oct 2007, 19:28, Reply)

Legless reminded me of this
Back in high school, the canteen ran a promotion at easter on Cadbury's Mini-Eggs - buy the big bag (RRP £1.something, sold for £2.50), get a scratchcard with the chance to win things like iPods, cheap hifis, etc.

Friend distracted the sweet old lady at the till with sweet talk while I nicked the whole box of scratchcards.

There must've been 2000 in there, and not a single one was a winner.

Dunno who got conned there, really.
(kimini touches your shoulder gently on, Wed 24 Oct 2007, 19:02, Reply)

Special kid con
I nearly got conned out of a fiver by a young lad with downs. I kindly offered to have a game of pool with him after which he grabbed the cues and the white ball, handed them over the bar and got my £5 deposit. Took me fucking ages to chase him round the pub and get it back. His parents chose to just laugh, brilliant. Probably makes a fortune out of it cos people don't want to make a fuss, little bastard.
(el perro grande, Wed 24 Oct 2007, 18:59, Reply)

Food Photography
I've had the, uh, "good fortune" to work with some food photographers, and was privy to some of the tricks they used. (Yes, those pictures on the front of your Totally Authentic Indian Meal (Made In The EU) are faked! Shock horror!))

Some of the more interesting ones:
The steam rising from the food? A wet, microwaved tampon. Not used, of course.
The mayonnaise appealingly splooging from the sides of the burger? PVC glue.
Wood blocks and wire used to prop things up, ranging from scenery, to the plate, to actual things on the plate.
Pasta placed on a bed of mashed potatoes to make the meal look bigger and fuller.
The oily, glistening sheen over meat? Sprayed on glycerine – though, this is understandable, as food left under 1200w worth of lighting does dry out quickly.
Another understandable one is wood glue substituted for milk when photographing cereal – it doesn’t make it go soggy.

Probably the biggest con of all is that a lot of the time, the food being photographed isn’t actually from the factory, but prepared fresh on set by a food stylist, with the best ingredients.
(kimini touches your shoulder gently on, Wed 24 Oct 2007, 18:46, 2 replies)

Hey! Leyxia's the xkcd black hat guy!

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 24 Oct 2007, 18:39, 9 replies)

I was connered
It was late at night
I was lonely
Alright?
And a lonely man, who needs human touch
Who has the right to deny him such?
The bitterness and regret is moist on the face
A Thai man called Supat
Had developed a taste
For closeness regarded as immoral
And a waste
Of penis
Do i mean this
OF course i do mean this
A man loves himself
But is subjected to slander
And when he is alone his hands do... wander
In his pants
He was gay!!!!
Nice man though
Peace out, A Town
(Purple Jessop Jessoping Purple all over your father, Wed 24 Oct 2007, 18:17, 4 replies)