Freddie Starr ate my boyfriend
My significant other told me of the time in his early 20's, when he had split up from his then girlfriend and had nowhere to live, so he moved in with his dad in London. He toddled off to the pub one Saturday, having no friends in the area and not much to do. After copious amount of lager, he couldn't remember his way back to the house, so enlisted the support of some old slapper in the pub, who was a dead ringer for Freddie Starr. She invited him back to her house, engaging in some drunken tongue-wrestling on the way back. Upon arrival at Chez Slapper, he discovered that her husband was there, so declined any further hospitality, and negotiated his way home under her directions.

A few days later, his dad tells him that he's employed a cleaner. Much to his horror, 'Freddie' turns up, and he spent a good period of time avoiding bumping into her, in case she wanted to give his nooks and crannies the once over with her feather duster.
(Pushka, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 17:14, Reply)