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This is a question Easiest Job Ever

Dazbrilliantwhites says he spent five years working at an airport where he spent his days "racing down multi-storey car parks in wheelchairs and then using the lift to go back to the top". Tell us about your best and easiest jobs. Students: Make something up.

(, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:14)
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Spent about two weeks...
Caring for a middle aged autistic woman who was more or less independent. She smoked. Company policy at the time said that if your service user smoked, well, fuck it, you can smoke too. The company had installed a computer in her living room for us to type up paperwork on, but since I was temping, I wasn't expected to do the paperwork and was told in no uncertain terms to "go nuts" on it.

I would turn up for work, sit down on a comfy sofa, read a chapter out of some Richie Dawkins, smoke freely, piss about on b3ta, then get off two hours early on full pay. Nice stroll down from Tockie into Liverpool town and a pint at eight o' the Clock at one of the boss pubs on the way to the train station.

That is, during the week. Of a weekend things were slightly more challenging; We'd have to go to the pub and have a drink with her during the shift. Oh heavens above it was tough. :)
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 19:05, 5 replies)
Poppers, porn and dodge.
For two months in 1996 I got paid to watch porn and drink free beer. Once a day I would have to deliver a box of poppers and porn to another sex shop using a taxi. The job also involved knocking on doors and saying, " Time's up," then going into a bedroom with a pair of barbecue tongs and removing any condoms or needles.

Happy times.
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 19:04, Reply)
I don't know about easiest, but Tesla Coil Operator has got to be the coolest job ever
The second one is the best thing ever. Crazy man builds wire mesh suit with a birdcage for a helmet, calls himself Dr Megavolt and fights lighting at festivals and schools.

Something will clearly go terribly wrong and he'll become a super villain!



(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 17:43, 3 replies)
I quite like driving, always have done ever since I was a kid. I got involved with karting quite heavily until I (quite literally) grew out of it. Anyway, these days me and a few of my mates get together roughly once every 2 weeks and do a few laps of different circuits.

We're quite a bunch of characters. There's one guy who's only been doing it for a couple of years, he thinks he's the dog's bollocks, but he keeps crashing into everyone; in fact, he ran into a guy who's got the same car as me a couple of weekends ago. There's another older guy who stopped doing it for a few years; he was really good, then started losing it. He couldn't keep away though and he's started doing it again, although he's now quite a bit slower than he used to be.

We usually keep track of who wins what and a couple of years ago, I managed to come out on top. Most of the other guys think I'm a bit up myself, but I don't really care about them. To be honest, I think they're just a bit jealous of my girlfriend, who's pretty hot.

I do absolutely love driving and this gives me the chance to really put my foot down without the coppers breathing down my neck; I pulled a couple of stunts on the road coming out of one circuit nearer the beginning of the year and got nabbed. I ended up having to pay a fine, which was a bit annoying.

The best bit of it all? I get paid huge amounts of money for doing something I love!

First serious story, be gentle. Apologies for length, etc...
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 16:41, 14 replies)
I work for a radio company.
Not broadcast, but PMR stuff - the kind of radios they use in shopping centres and the like. Quite a lot of hard work involved - some days I need to fit radios to new vans and cars, which is very time-consuming (at least if you ever want it to go back together properly), but it's good fun. I get to visit the parts of buildings most people don't get to see. The view from the roof of the highest block of flats in Glasgow is spectacular, and on a clear day you can see for miles. Some of my customers are a long way away, so I get to go and play in my van for the day, bimbling about the Scottish countryside listening to CDs and then tracking down weird and complicated problems with equipment in interesting places like oil refineries and shipyards.

What's even better is, since I have an amateur radio licence, I can bring in my own equipment to test on the test gear at work. If one of my radios isn't quite playing nicely I can fire it onto the venerable Marconi 2955 test set on my bench and tune it up. I get to play with far better kit than I could afford myself.

The best bit? I get paid to do something I would be doing anyway if I wasn't at work ;-)
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)
It's my day off
And I have the kids here instead of the sitters as my little girl is getting over a stomach virus. She's being cute and cuddly and my son's just being hilarious. Right now it's an easy and rewarding job being a Daddy. I feel like the most important person in the world.
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 14:31, 17 replies)
Games tester too

I have also been a games tester, for a summer ('98) just after finishing uni. The programmers worked 24-7, with brief dashes home to change pants etc (several would sleep under their desks as a matter of course); so we were told to be there as much as possible and we'd get paid £5 an hour. I took this literally and would frequently do 20 hour shifts, 7 days a week. Facilities in the office included a shower, a tuck shop, a pool table, the net, a good selection of games (Ps1 as was the fashion at the time), and the boss would buy anyone in the office at 8pm a takeaway. We got so used to smoking spliffs out the front door that I took to skinning up at my desk... bliss. Managed to save up £700 in a few months which later got me moved to London where I still am, 11 years later.
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 14:29, 1 reply)
I've never actually had this job...
But Town Cryer, must be piss-easy.

I was walking around Oxford today, and recently, the Town Cryer has been stood in the middle, occasionally shouting something about the place, then resuming with the standing around.

He gets to appear in lots of people's photos, and points them in the right direction, and that is about it.

He also gets to wear a pretty natty ensemble. I wish I could get away with a Dickensian get up.

He has the easiest job in the world.
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 14:11, 7 replies)
This summer
July and August were very, very quiet. It gave me enough time to work out I got paid something like 324 quid an email for the handful of emails I did during July. Oh, and I work from home too, so no bothersome travelling either.

It's quiet today too, I'm contemplating going back to bed in a minute.
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 14:11, Reply)
According to my son,
"being a parent is the easiest job....like, ever! "
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 14:01, 1 reply)
Mate of mine
is a pen-pusher at the prison that George Michael's just been sent to. He said he had to report that he ended up with a chocolate bar up his arse. He put it down to careless Wispa.

*didn't bother taking coat off
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 12:23, 18 replies)
When working with KPMG I was sent to Taormina in Sicily for a week to minutes at a convention for ski-lift operators/manufacturers.

One meeting, lasted 30 mins, rest of the time free holiday all expenses paid.
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 11:45, Reply)
my first job
was brilliant. I was 16 at the time and working at Shongweni Nature Reserve. I was paid the princely sum of R40 per day and for that I got to:
white water raft
drive landrovers
ride motorbikes
hang out with game rangers and look at animals

it was easy as it was so damn enjoyable. I was being paid to have fun and mess about, it was brilliant and I loved it.
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 11:41, 1 reply)
When I was at uni...
I had a part time job at a local sports centre. It was a tiny place, so there was only ever one member of staff on at a time. My job was to sit at the front desk and let people in to use the facilities. Because it was so quiet, the average rate of people coming in was roughly one every half an hour or so. This essentially meant my entire time was spent sitting watching tv.

There was even a bell people could ring if I wasn't there, so I didn't even have to stay at my post. This allowed me to nip out the back for joints, play squash with my mates and, if suitably hungover, just go for a sleep in the cupboard. We even had an N64 and a SNES in the office. I remember one day whilst on an unusually long shift playing the entirety of Donkey Kong Country from start to finish.

Good times.
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 11:15, Reply)
Getting paid to eat large meals and drink Guinness
A few years ago, I was doing some IT work for a large (government owned at the time) company in Dublin. I'd got the set-up pretty much done on the first day, so the rest of the week was spent baby-sitting the system in case it fell over.

I ended up shadowing the site manager's daily routine, and so for a week or so was paid for the best job I've ever done to date. A typical day was:
9am - Turn up for work
10am - Go to the cafe across the road for a full cooked breakfast
11:30am - Back to site to let breakfast settle
12pm - Pub lunch (including 2 or 3 pints of Guinness)
2:30-3pm - Dawdle back to site and kill a couple of hours. Maybe even sleep off the Guinness in a quiet corner.
5pm - Go home (or back to my hotel, in my case.)

Perhaps not the absolute easiest job ever. There was some walking involved, to and from the cafe and pub.
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 10:45, 1 reply)
Ok mentioning something like a job in mining may not sound like a walk in the park but trust me when you have a job like mine (Executive officer) the job entitles nothing more than to visit site, inspect the machines and that’s it (The task of looking after the workers etc is for the higher ups and any IT faults are left to the tekkys).

Anywhoo the only bit of work I have had to do was recently when we were on our way back from a job I was woken up mid travel from my nap (Top tip: Always let someone else drive) and told that we had to go check out another site. I was a bit pissed as I was chosen to go and do the monkey work and get my kit dirty. In a rare bit of karma in the only bit of hard work I had to do I was attacked by the local wildlife (Nothing major but I am planning on visiting the doctors back home to get a sicknote and spend a few days doing sod all at home).

I would love to carry on about how easy it is but I’m about to get off to a party before setting off home (Which in my case means going back to bed).I really can’t wait to eat something, you should hear the sounds my stomach is making. I just hope that the bitch Ripley is there, she wanted to keep me in some form of sodding quarantine while that thing was stuck to my face.


Executive Officer Kane
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 10:32, 6 replies)
Games Tester.
Each new build usually came back more broken than the last so we spent most of the day surfing the net with the team leader's permission while the devs worked on fixing the bugs...in fact, the particular project I worked on never got past the Alpha stage because the devs were either completely uninterested in the game, or completely incapable of fixing any of the bugs that we found.

For roughly 6-7 months, I was paid to read comics online, read the B3ta archives, shop for PC hardware, and occasionally play a computer game.

I miss that job.
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)
I'm a cycle courier in London
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 9:41, 10 replies)
Easiest job
The handjob I had earlier watching Sian Williams and her extremely tight blouse on BBC Breakfast.
In fact it was so easy, I felt cheated.
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 8:51, 24 replies)
Being a paramedic
It's well easy! I have so much free time that I spend most of my day making half-arsed, sarky comments on an internet forum.

*awaits flaming*
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 5:04, 7 replies)

I work part time in a hardware store's floor department, so ostensibly I'm a carpet peddler and purveyor of objects to walk upon. I make about 5 pounds every hour..

..Long before the store opens. I'm only there for about an hour when it IS open, which is long before anyone really wants to truck big loads of heavy tile and carpetry about. So I spend most of every shift sleeping on the toilet, and then I walk out and collect my pay.

No one seems to notice or care. Even the store manager just smiles, chats at me for a moment, and wishes me a good day. Been a couple months now; Made around 800 pounds that way working four hours every morning but Sunday.
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 3:00, Reply)
Have a wank

(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 1:17, 5 replies)
I was an extra for the film Goal...
...in "crowd scenes"

Got paid £100 to follow instructions such as "look left!" "oooh he's just missed" etc. etc.

Would have got it over and done with in about 2 hours bur Anna Friel kept fluffing up her damn lines!
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 0:23, 9 replies)
All my jobs were easy
This question is made for me.

1. Receptionist at a car yard:
Answered the phone, usually to the mistress of the owner, occasionally his actual wife. Less often, a customer.
Thought about lunch.
Sewed clothes at my desk most of each day.
Sacked for taking too many days off 'sick'.

2. Working as a temp in various places, never had enough work, they usually just wanted a bum on a seat. Kept up to date with 'celebrity' dalliances in wimmin's magazines.

3. Hmm, I thought there were more. I could be mixing up easy with boring.
(, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 0:05, Reply)
Wank Magician
Magic wanks...

...whenever you want...

...in any colour you feel like...

...and your wand never runs out of magicspluff!



...well he said make something up!
(, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 23:35, 1 reply)
A few years ago, to avoid the humiliation and poverty of being dole I took a job reworking faulty barbecues.
The wages were poor, but the room was well-lit and comfortable to work in, there was no contact with the general public (therefore no abusive idiots), and the lass in the office would often come downstairs, give us a hand and have a good yack if she didn't have much to do. I can think of much worse ways to earn a full-time wage.
(, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 21:04, 1 reply)
Shur I can do dis durnk!

B. Cowen
(, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 13:42, 27 replies)
When I was 20
and travelling around Europe, I ended up in Nice for a while.

Met a genuine pirate called Jean-Claude from Marsailles who had the thickest accent ever - French equivalent of Glaswegian. He had a business selling sugar-coated peanuts on the beach and he also had a few foreign lads selling cold drinks from an eski.

Needless to say this was illegal and les flics would swoop down on the Promenade des Anglais to catch these criminals in the act. So, what was my job?

I strolled along the top of the prom, looking like a holiday maker, keeping one eye out for the cops, the other eye assessing the relative merits of the topless beauties below. When the cops turned up, I pretended to have just caught sight of a friend and I'd holler "Oy, John".

In a month, I only ever had to shout it twice.

Nice work if you can get it.
(, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 13:41, 6 replies)
Call centre gripe.....
Easiest job ever? Working in the DVLA call centre in Swansea.

All you have to do is be extremely rude to callers in a really thick Welsh accent, you don't even have to listen to their complaints.

Then when you get bored you just interrupt them and slam the phone down or redirect them to the complaints line where they will rack up their phone bill while you keep them on hold for 25 minutes until they get bored and ring off. This ensures that the call centre never gets any complaints. Simples.
(, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 13:30, 13 replies)
Being a professional footballer
From what I can gather, there is absolutely no downside to this as a profession. To list a few of the hurdles you may have to overcome during this career:

Get paid thousands of pounds a week to play football.

Marry gorgeous (if intellectually challenged) woman.

Be adored by fans, and hated by opposing supporters for how good you are.

Get to travel all over the world with club and country.

See people walking around the street with your own name plastered all over the backs of their shirts.

Get summer off.

Fall into a career during your late 30s of either managing football, coaching football, watching football or talking about football.

Just to reiterate: Get paid thousands of pounds a week to play football.


If you feel like having the weekend off, just go and shag a prostitute!

And before you ask, yes I am incredibly jealous.
(, Tue 14 Sep 2010, 13:28, 13 replies)

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