I've just completed my intensive care course.
The course was divided into various 'days' of 'things', ie lung day, renal day, etc, etc with the form generally taking some formal teaching in the morning of the sort of Nasty Things you can get that would result in you being critically ill followed by a more interactive session in the afternoon in which you'd be given a case history and asked to present a likely plan of care for them.
The university running this particular course for my trust is of the 'bums-on-seats-is-more-money-for-us-red-brick-and-glass' variety and throws open the various days to any interested groups who might want to attend, so, you might see a couple of physiotherapists turning out to lung day, renal nurses on kidney key and so on.

Cardiovascular day saw a pair of jolly paramedics turning out. They were, smart, funny and interesting but the course tutor rather soured on them in the afternoon when it came to the 'make a plan of care for this cardiac nasty' part of the day.

Turns out that, whilst from their point of view an entirely correct plan of care was submitted, the plan of care for an aortic dissection she was looking for wasn't 'chuck 'em in the back of the van and drive like fuck to the nearest place with a vascular surgeon on site' written in big green letters on a flipchart.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 16 May 2013, 13:34, 22 replies)

That's all good and well, but you're a RENTER
AND you've got a penis ailment.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 May 2013, 13:48, closed)

You leave my car out of this, you monster.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 16 May 2013, 13:50, closed)

Also: a new TTT record. 17 minutes.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 16 May 2013, 14:00, closed)

Fuck the renting, he used another man's lawnmower last week.

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Thu 16 May 2013, 19:27, closed)

Was it 'wipe their bum and call for a proper doctor'?

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 16 May 2013, 13:51, closed)

Nah.
'For fuck's sake, don't remove the toy robot, you'll disturb the clot'.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 16 May 2013, 13:58, closed)

You might also trigger off the bleeding again as well.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 16 May 2013, 13:59, closed)

Why would anyone have a toy robot in their aorta?
How would they even get a toy robot into their aorta?

2/10 Feeble
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 16 May 2013, 14:04, closed)

It's what the most popular models are doing now. Get with the times dad.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 16 May 2013, 14:10, closed)

Sorry son
I temporarily forgot what a massive crushing disappointment you are to me and your mother and expected you to make the slightest bit of sense. I should have known not to get my hopes up
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 16 May 2013, 14:24, closed)

You are so, so bad at all this, bless your heart.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 May 2013, 14:15, closed)

It's up there with 'yeah well your house is rented'.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 16 May 2013, 14:16, closed)

I'm not sure someone who changes toner cartridges for a living is in a position to mock someone for being a medical professional, do you?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 16 May 2013, 15:27, closed)

Well quite
but given that I don't change toner cartridges and the question of whether nursing even counts as a profession has been open to debate for decades, I'm not sure what your point is. Do you need your nappy changed again or something?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 16 May 2013, 16:19, closed)

So what do you do?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 16 May 2013, 16:19, closed)

Cries on here mostly.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 16 May 2013, 16:23, closed)

Well yeah, but I was asking about what he does between doing that and photographing ropey lasses.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 16 May 2013, 16:29, closed)

I manually masturbate animals for artificial insemination

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 16 May 2013, 16:45, closed)

No I meant for a living.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 16 May 2013, 16:47, closed)

Your mum
(see also above answer)
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 16 May 2013, 17:22, closed)

on topic
I hate to spoil a good B3ta stouch, but I thought that the story was well told. I'm clicking, and I second their treatment plan.

Risk of death in untreated aortic dissection
25% in first 24 hours
50% in first 48 hours
75% in first week
90% in first month
(justin(e), Fri 17 May 2013, 6:22, closed)

Oh, they were proper bang-on, I rather fear she was looking for the full 'this is what you do pre-op and then post-op' rigmarole.
They got a standing ovation from the class and a glare from the tutor.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 17 May 2013, 19:30, closed)