Spunky Monkey
Years back (must have been, I still had hair) my mate Phil developed a novel strategy for pulling women. This strategy took the form of an uber-cute glove puppet monkey, called 'Spunky' which Phil would use to lure unwitting ladies into his ghastly clutches.

Initially this had novelty value, until Phil insisted in taking Spunky everywhere with him, even when there were no women for Phil to lure.

One evening, while crashing at a mate's house after a night on the piss, we decided that enough was enough...Spunky had to go, and in the most spectacular style possible. So with Phil momentarily distracted (I think somebody waved a piece of tinfoil on some string in front of him) I grabbed said monkey and pegged it upstairs to lock myself in the bathroom, followed by Phil screaming for his monkey.

Once in the bathroom, I shoved Spunky down the back of my trousers, flushed the loo and unlocked the door. Phil burst in and lunged his hand down the toilet to try and rescue poor Spunky, but alas he was gone...

Phil, understandably, was a little put out by this and went back downstairs to sulk. Taking advantage of this, I sidled quietly to the kitchen and got to work. One breadknifing later, and Spunky's head was detached from his body. Having then put out one of his eyes (I never liked the way that monkey looked at me), I liberally splashed the decapitated spunky with red food colouring, then snuck back upstairs.

Later that night, when Phil went to go to bed (still in a sulk), the silence of the night was shattered with a scream of 'YOU BASTARDS!' as Phil discovered his beloved monkey's head on his pillow along with a note reading 'Daddy, daddy! Look what they've done to me! The Horror, The Horror.'

Ahhhh, happy days.

Though short-lived, two weeks later 'gropey trunky' the elephant made his debut...
(clockworkkillbot, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 16:40, 3 replies)

What is it with girls and glove puppets?
A friend of mine, now guitarist in a popular UK art rock combo, used to employ a rather mangy Sweep (of Sooty and Sweep fame) glove puppet to woo/molest young girls.

Maybe early experiences under the bed covers with a favourite cuddly toy are responsible for this phenomenon?

No wonder Rod Hull fell off the roof, he was fucking knackered!
(mark schmark, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 17:04, closed)

'Daddy, daddy! Look what they've done to me! The Horror, The Horror.'
*wipes tea off monitor*

Glorious.
(Mr. In-Between has regretted posting this ever since, Sat 15 Dec 2007, 12:33, closed)