Porno Star
One of the youths employed by the firm next door, had withstood the shock of "discovering" he was going to be bum-raped by his bosses, and was sticking the job out well.

One day he appeared in my doorway, Daily Sport in hand. It was at a time that someone was trying to organise a 500 man world record gangbang, and there was a premium rate phone number that you had to ring to get on the list of participants.

The youth was full of it,he would do it, he wasn't scared, he'd shagged loads of women.
Okey dokey skip, in that case, I'll get your name on the list.
I told him I'd ring the number later, even though he didn't believe I would do it, he suspected it might be a premium rate scam (a sharp one, him).

Several days later he got a letter from the organiser of the gangbang, thanking him for his application, which had been accepted. The company in charge of the filming of the event would be despatching some reps to see how he "measured up", and get him to sign some forms.
They were particularly pleased that he had agreed to some bi action, they were hoping to do a separate DVD for the Bi-male market.
He was going to be a porno star!!!

Now, the letter had been addressed to "Mr K". Luckily, he had opened it, but as he was still living at home, Mr K was also his Dad.
The youth came to see me in tears, he didn't know what to do, what happened if he was out and these reps turned up with a tape measure and his Dad opened the door to them?
What would his Mum say? And what was all this about bi action? He wasn't bi, his parents were going to kill him/throw him out/confiscate his X-box.

Sorry sunshine, you wanted me to get you on the list, I got you on the list. It cost me £50 in premium rate calls, but I stuck it out, now you have to keep your end of the bargain.

Except I hadn't. I had made the letter up and gave it to someone travelling to Liverpool to post and get a distant postmark on it. The poor kid was crapping himself for weeks every time the doorbell rang, in case it was his screen test.
(Rsoles, Wed 19 Dec 2007, 13:54, 2 replies)

Oh I like that one! :D
The most I've ever come up with, to fuck with these types when they're bothering me, is making them a gay online contact profile describing them attractively but as bi-closet (hence no photos, easy!), and after something utterly filthy and depraved.

It's best if you have their phone number, that way you can explain they're looking for 'phone sex on the subject of rough & hard power play with gob & verbal', which is scary rough scenarios with nasty filthy sweary talk, sort of mutually agreed fighting with sex involved basically, then callers aren't at all put off by being told they're a durty filthy homo who they're gonna kick in the knackers, the more angry and objectional your victim becomes, the more excited and up for it the callers get!

Everybody's happy! ;)
( ..wil, Wed 19 Dec 2007, 15:15, closed)

Haha, why have I never heard about this one before?

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 19 Dec 2007, 19:53, closed)