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This is a question Fairgrounds, theme parks, circuses and carnivals

Tell us about the time the fairground came to town and you were sick in a hedge; or when you went to a theme park or circus and were sick in a hedge

Suggested by mariam67

(, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 11:37)
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The forces of inertia don't like me... nor do wasps
On one of my first few dates with my girlfriend, I took her to Thorpe Park. It was a pretty decent day for it and a good time was generally had on the way there, in the queue to get in and a small portion of time immediately after entering the park. I had taken the precaution of bringing a small plastic bag to keep my phone and wallet in during water rides. Indeed, it was very effective on the Tidal Wave, keeping them dry as a funeral drum in my now soaking wet shorts. No point taking them out, they'll only get damp against the wet cloth, best leave them in there...

The next ride of the day was chosen to be Stealth. Quick blast of air to dry us off and we can stop waddling round in wet clothes. As I'm sure we're all aware, Stealth is a quick-thrill ride, the main draw of which is the fact it accelerates from 0 to 84 mph in 1.9 seconds. And it did. And we did. And the small, slippery plastic bag in my pocket didn't. The small, slippery plastic bag containing my wallet, my phone and my car keys jolted out of my pocket the instant we moved. We sped off, up the incline, round the top, back down the other side, levelled off and slowed down. Then I noticed. I noticed but it didn't particularly phase me at the time. If you can keep your head when all around you are losing theirs, as they say, then you probably haven't realised the seriousness of the situation.

I went and told one of the ride's operators and they told me there was nothing they could do to try and find or retrieve the bag until the ride closed down for the day at about 8 pm. Meantime, they said, I should go and report the loss at Customer Services in case it fell onto a public path and someone handed it in. My wallet had my money, my phone had all my numbers and my keys opened and operated my car. In one instant we had gone from out at a theme park to stranded at a theme park. She took it rather well. She seemed a little unsettled at how calm I was taking it all, but generally she reassured me that it would all be ok. She also, humiliatingly, bought me lunch, as I no longer could afford to. We scoffed down some KFC, tried our best to shrug the situation into the back of our minds and got on with trying to make the best of the rest of our now extended stay at Thorpe Park.

We wandered around for a little while after lunch, deciding that our next ride would be Vortex, a sort of pendulous arm thing that spins and swings simultaneously. The queue was rather long, the Sun was rather hot and the last woman to get off the ride was taking rather a long time to exit. Her head also hung rather low to her chest and her arms were rather limp. A rumour rippled its way down the line that she'd died. Our vantage point leaning on the wooden fencing gave us a clear view and this woman did in fact look quite dead. Were it not for the ride harness pinning her shoulders back, she would have flopped to the ground headfirst like a rag doll. The ride operators called the medics and after 20 minutes of waiting, the selfish bitch finally came to, threw up and was carried away under the armpits by the medics. Everyone in the queue was told to fuck off until they'd cleaned up.

Exasperated by how awfully this date was turning out, I pushed my hair off my face and swept it back with my fingers, dislodging something small and hard that had fallen into it. Bringing my hand back round in front of me to inspect whatever acorn or berry had gotten tangled in my locks, I noticed immediately the black and yellow stripes, twitching legs and ugly fizzog of a motherfucking wasp. I shook my hand at once to get rid of it, but too late. The little bastard sunk its sting into me with such vitriol, it was unable to dislodge itself. There I stood, penniless, isolated and waving my wasp about when I snapped to, manned the fuck up, gripped the fucker about its thorax and yanked. Its upper half came away easily, leaving the abdomen still anchored to my finger. I held the squirming torso up to eye level, shot it a look of disgust and threw it away like the garbage it was. I gingerly extracted the bastard's turgid belly from my tender finger and threw it after its upper half. Sympathy was immediately forthcoming from the lovely lass, but I ushered her concern away, insisting it was fine really and didn't hurt at all. However, my manly visage was merely skin deep and in my head all I could hear was my own voice yell "aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! it fucking huuuuuurts! baaaaaaaastaaaaaaaaard!"

Not to allow the day to be ruined, I marched us onto the closest ride available, and then the next, and then the next. I worked the park efficiently and effortlessly, trying to keep us out of as much calamity as possible. At half past 7, exhausted and wind-beaten by the rush of the rollercoasters, we made our way back to Stealth. I reiterated the first half of our story of woe to the operator who took up the phone, punched a few numbers and my heart sank as he said: "Hi, yeah, there's this guy who's lost his keys and phone and wallet in a plastic bag... yeah, the blond guy... oh... oh, really?... it, it is?... *sigh* ok... yep, I'll let him know..." He replaced the receiver with slow deliberation, raised his gaze to mine and said "I'm sorry. That was Customer Services."

"Yes? And?" I stammered impatiently.

"...and" he continued, "they've had your things since 3 o'clock this afternoon. They tried to contact you but the number you gave them was your mobile number, and..."

"Yes, yes, I get it" I blushed.

We meekly stepped into customer services to collect my bastard vital possessions from a grinning bastard desk clerk.

I am astounded to this day that I ever got another date.
(, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:28, 8 replies)
I reckon it was the cool demenaour in the face of catastrophe.
Chicks love that.
(, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:37, closed)
Utterly unintentional
It was more "complete inability to accept the truth of what had happened" that kept me cool
(, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:39, closed)
I think that's the best way to deal with a lot of similar situations.
Most turn out to be not quite as bad as you may have thought anyhow, and the ones that do aren't helped by excess worrying.
I should add I have a tendancy to worry myself so I'm not preaching.
(, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 17:50, closed)
Great description of dealing with the wasp
*click*
(, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 11:58, closed)
If there's one thing I've learned this week,
it's that theme parks are not just run by morons, but malicious morons.

Good story, especially the wasp part.
(, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 12:13, closed)
"They tried to contact you but the number you gave them was your mobile number, and..."
Was she living in the 90's & had forgotten to bring along her brick - or did you just not think about that. Cool demeanor & all. ;P
(, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 13:16, closed)
purely my own stupidity
I spoke to the customer services guy alone and when I filled out the small form he pushed in front of me, I absent mindedly scribbled my mobile number in the contact details box.
(, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:17, closed)
a click for throwing a wasp away like the garbage it was

(, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:02, closed)

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