this is getting to be therapy..
Fran Cosgrave the paddy self aggrandising narcisistic bog trotter, i despair that swaggering shitforbraains like this earn money for just being a fuckwit like himself. But hey don't let that paaartay animal celebrity games show jodie marsh dating sprog dumping shit failed DJ who's been dropped from every deal he's signed hunk exterior fool you he's actually just a cunt.
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 9 Feb 2010, 22:07, 3 replies)

oh yeah..
'celebrity' beauty editor 'Nadine Bagot' WTF is one of those? fuck off back to Fulham and anonymity, you have nothing to contribute.
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 9 Feb 2010, 21:57, 1 reply)

I'm on a roll here...
Calum fucking Best, his genius alcy pop left his daugheter his estate and him a watch, just shows what a great footballer he was and an even better judge of character. If ever there was a case for handgun ownership in this country they should just rerun any 'reality show' this television personality has graced with his celebrity presence. What I really don't get is how he has managed to get his coke addled prick into so many women??? though a fair few have been paid for the privilege the whorehounding twat. He is a featherweight slimy fucking twat trading on his dads legacy the shameful lowlife. Do some meaningful work and leave us alone. The world will be a better place without hearing about how you are a guest judge on paris hiltons british best friend testing the non entity famehungry trashgash nobholes flirting abilities gut wrenchingly tragic worse than the recent Haiting footage.'see you never!' you cunt. Actually better still why dont you both do a new series called Paris Hiltons's Iraqie best friend and end up in the bloody hands of some jihadist nutjobs. now theres a grainy video worth watching.
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 9 Feb 2010, 21:42, 1 reply)

fuck me!!!
Paul Danan, ahahahahaha what a fucking shithound, see his wickipedia entry for a catalogue of umitigated celebrity failure, the drunken chavshit. He apparently would consider a return to hollyoaks I bet he fucking would. he is apparently on celebrity quitters with other z listers giving up smoking...no please give up breathing you nonce.
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 9 Feb 2010, 21:16, 1 reply)

how could I forget???
Richard fucking Blackwood, britains answer to eddie murphy, well we failed the fuckin test with this talent and personality free oxygen thief, the finest performing arts student to graduate from carshalton college. This nonentity has been trading on his z list celebrity status in the bars and night clubs of london, hoping some gawping slug brained slapper wll service his apparently not very impressive genitalia 'yeah babe its Black and i've got wood' was the line I overheard, I nearly glassed you there and then. your nadir was having an enema on (i wish i was a real) celebrity spa if only they had put hydrochloric acid through instead and put us at rest at ease from ever seeing you scraping and grasping into some media event in the future. you were never funny and you never will be,
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 9 Feb 2010, 21:04, 3 replies)

Royals, etc......
I don't hate all royals that much, but I have a particular loathing for Prince Charles. If he sat there and posed for photos with tourists, then fine I could pretend not to see him and not let him wind me up. But its the fact that this thick, ill-educated, ignoramus thinks that everyone should listen to his NIMBY, conservative opinions when he is little more than a reality TV star that no-one voted for. Just thinking about him bleat about what should and shouldn't happen in this country is making me steam.

Didier Drogba. I cannot fathom how anyone can support him and cheer him. Perhaps I'm naive but I would be so embarrassed to watch the invisible sniper pick him off time and time again and try to justify his cheating and histrionics to my non-Chelsea supporting mates.

Rick Someone off E4 or T4 or whatever its called. I've never deliberately watched a show that he features in, but my girlfriend is so sick of me getting angry at the TV because he delivers every line like he's Alan Partridge.

Ranting really is very therapeutic!
(jimmy spankhands, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 20:47, Reply)

no offence to gay men or people of diminutive stature
Tom Cruise, the pint sized self aggrandising stunted cunted fucking grinfuckng scientologybotheringcuntwit of a fuck, not only do it want to shit in his eyes i want to stick the fucking sofa he slapped, up his gay fucking ringpiece the cunt, his fucking aide once told me not to make eye contact with Tom or there would be 'consequences' I have since wanted to contact his eyes with a fucking spike. Nicholas cage,that one dimensional lugubrious waste of acting space has never once played anything but Nicholas Cage. Mel Gibson, where do i start with this hypocritical godbothering ubercatholic alcoholic anti-semite bag of dogshit, yeah you did cheat on your missus numerous times inciting racial hatred while thinking the world is too good for your smiling boyish good look...just fuck off
Jude Law? just a balding twat whose hairline is retreating faster than the french army. and your mate Sean Pertwee 'borrowing' my hash at a party and having a right laugh about it with your mates taking the fucking piss cos I was a student...you will never be a 10th of an actor your dad was always in his shadow you fuckwit.
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 9 Feb 2010, 20:41, Reply)

The Eggheads - those 'boffins' on that Godawful TV Quiz Show
Winning a few glorified pub quizzes seems to have given each of them a very large chip on their shoulders, and although 'hate' is too strong a word, they are extremely irritating.
It's genuinely cringe-inducing watching each of them try to outshine each other by giving back stories on subjects or 'extra' information when all that's bloody needed is the answer, from a multiple choice format.
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 20:31, 4 replies)

Brian Fucking May
Now I realise that it's become quite the thing this week to insert the word "fucking" in someone's name, but I simply cannot say this man's name without my lip curling up and the f-word falling out.

I can't stand him. Reasons include:

1. His hair. The poodle look might have been great in 1973, but not today. Or yesterday. It appears he and his squeeze, Anita Dobson, have interchangeable heads, a bit like Worzel fucking Gummidge.

2. He wears wooden clogs. What a bell-end, if you are lanky streak of piss, you don't need to wear clogs to give you some lift. (Perhaps Anita was complaining he needed a few more inches and he misunderstood)

3. He's an astronomer. The only heavenly bodies a rock musician should know about are the legions of groupies he's fucked. Which obviously, Brian hasn't. Rockers should only know about the stars they see when they are trying out exotic dangerous narcotics on my behalf in seedy fleshpots around the globe. Do you think Brian has ever lived up to his responsibilities as a Rock Star, to risk his life through excessive partying? No, nor me.

I can imagine him knocking on the dressing room wall about the noise when he's trying to watch "Sky at Night" as Freddie bums a midget who's been carrying a tray of Coke around. There has to be a Uranus gag in here somewhere, but frankly, I can't be arsed.( Wha-hey! That'll do)

I like my Rock Stars to be illiterate drug addled alcoholic burglars from Birmingham, not posh twats who WENT BACK to finish their degree after they became successful. Just "for something to fall back on if it all ends tomorrow", no doubt.


4. Playing a guitar made out of bits of fireplace and old pushbike. OK, so his Dad and him made it themselves, but he's a cunt for not retiring it quietly as soon as he could buy a REAL guitar, ie. thirty seconds after he got into a real band.
I refuse to believe him and his pa are better luthiers than Kalamazoo's finest, I'm sure the old boy wouldn't have been offended if Bri had used it to get started then ditched it, there was no need to cart it round the world for years on tour. I bet his guitar tech hates the fucking thing, he knows if anything falls off it, he's going to get the blame, and where will he find a replacement 1938 pushbike saddle?

5. He doesn't use a plectrum, he uses a coin, a sixpence. Not a 10p piece, no, a fucking sixpence, a coin out of circulation for 40 years. Cunt. Billy Gibbons uses a silver peso coin to get that scratchy squealy string attack, but why would Mr May use one? Because he is a pretentious cunt, that's why.

6. His guitar playing. This is the root of it all, my hatred for this man.
It's shit. He may have written and performed multi-million selling records for years, but he is not worthy of any praise as a guitarist. I'm sorry, but when he appeared onstage at the Guitar Legends gig in Seville in 91, alongside some REAL guitarists, he shit his pants, he knew he was bluffing. Steve Vai played a solo, Satriani stepped up and played one, Joe Walsh, Nuno Bettencourt, all wailing away, now it's Brian's turn. Oh, hang on a mo, Brian need to adjust his amplifier. Damn, and now he's missed his turn, how convenient. When he did manage to play anything it sounded like he was taking the piss, appalling, just a load of elephant noises.
He isn't fit to tune those others' guitars, let alone play alongside them. Fair enough, he has bluffed his way through life, but to think he could stand up there with true masters of the guitar, what a tosser.

I'm sure if I locked my Mum in a studio for 6 months with a guitar and told her to put some guitar tracks down or she isn't coming out, she could come up with something to equal anything Mr May has done, anyone could. A good studio can disguise all evidence of a lack of talent. I bet there's not many spontaneous takes on any of his records, apart from maybe the abysmal solo on the end of "We Will Rock You". It sounds like Stephen Hawking falling down stairs with a guitar on his lap, I can't believe it was a planned piece, more like the engineer saying:
"Listen, Brian, we've been here for 9 months, I'm tired, the LP is due out in 2 days time, just play ANY FUCKING THING, you've got 30 seconds and then I'm locking up".

7. He proved to me God doesn't exist. If He did, God would have listened to my prayers, no one has prayed like I did, but NOTHING happened. Even though I prayed and prayed, Brian fucking May stood on the roof of Buckingham Palace and played the National Anthem and didn't get struck by lightning. That, ladies and gentlemen, was when I realised we are alone, there is no God.

I really really don't like Brian May.
And yes, I am jealous of his fame and money.
(Rsoles, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 20:29, 11 replies)

I hate The Rock
my opinion will probably be met with raised eyebrows though...
(Cockney_Jesus is targetting your mum in V.A.T.S!, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 20:06, 3 replies)

Jamie Redknapp
Jamie Redknapp.

He asks guests questions that are for Richard Keys to ask & seems to get on every game panel now.

Spouts the crappest observations & goes on about what a great job his dad is doing at whichever club he has decided to manage this year & also loves Frank Lampard a bit to much.

To top it all he is now advertising Thomas Cook holidays, I can just see him & Louise popping down the high street to Thomas Cook & booking their next holiday.
(sleepmonkey, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 20:01, 3 replies)

George R.R. Martin
...for not writing quicker.
Never mind watching football and attending bloody conventions, finish your fucking book!
(Billy The Fish wants to gargle with Lucy Pinder's bath water, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 19:56, 2 replies)

Sir Alan Sugar
and any of the worthless wastes of oxygen that infest the apprentice.

Now fair play he has built a business from nothing, even if it was schlepping dodgy imported tat during the 80's. He's got to the point where he wants to pass a few hints and tips across. Or so he would like you to believe.
Successful he may be, but he really is quite a charmless toad, though to be fair if I was confronted by the so called contestants I'd lose my sense of humour.

As for the contestants. Well where do I start?

Are they deliberately that stupid? Unfortunately I think not. They are the worst sort of slimy corporate assholes, and unfortunately they and their ilk are always going to be out there.

Alan says: "I want you to find your arse with both hands" here's a map and a torch

Contestants: Well we did a flow chart, and held some focus groups...

Facepalm
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 19:08, 4 replies)

Madonna
She thinks that because she does 'yoga' and talks with a bad fake accent that she's beautiful. When in truth, she's a worn out old hack.

Nevermind all the adopting of third world babies and other stupid things she does. That bint ruins my day just by existing.
(Floz Nietsnezolf doesn't have photoshop, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 18:25, 1 reply)

Alan Carr
God that bloke fucking annoys me! It's the campness really. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-gay or anti-camp. I mean, if Gok Wan were to make a show that interested me I could happily sit and watch it without him annoying me. It's just Alan Carr pours it on, he's camp for the sake of the gimmick really.

Also Russell Brand. Sure I'm not the first to post that. RUSSELL, IF YOU'RE READING, BIG AND LOUD IS NOT A LIKE-FOR-LIKE REPLACEMENT FOR BEING FUNNY YOU NOISY CUNT!
( Styxx hates when people talk in the third person, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 17:50, Reply)

Jesus
I wish I had an imaginary friend, one with whom I can confide all my secrets with. All those doubts that I have about different aspects of my life can be discussed with this imaginary friend, this inner voice that I hear. He will comfort me, give me His love, provide me the power of Faith (tm).

If I was talking to myself and then said that it was either God or Jesus I was talking to then that's fine.

NO IT FUCKING ISN'T.

How many schizophrenics have become high up in church because they can hear God's voice? Would you want to take your siblings into a building which is run by some guy who feels love from his imaginary friend? I fucking wouldn't.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 17:37, 14 replies)

I'm new here, so be gentle with me, but...
I was born "tongue-tied", which doesn't mean that you find it difficult to chat up women, but that the little strip of sinewy flesh that holds the bottom of my tongue in my mouth is attached very close to the tip of mine.

It means I can't poke my tongue out very far (cue stampede of women in the other direction) and it means that, as a toddler, I couldn't pwonounce the letter 'R'. It'd either come out as the full Jonathan Ross or, more often, it'd come out as the softer "Winchester 'R'" that sounds almost like a soft 'v'.

My family - at the doc's behest - therefore did everything they could to get me to say my 'r's properly. I'd go to visit my grandparents, and remember peering up at a room full of grown-ups all sporadically and randomly rrrrrrolling Rs, or launching into a sonorous rrrrrendition of "Round and round the rugged rocks the ragged rascal ran". I wasn't allowed any tea until I made a half-decent stab at it.

Nowadays at 42, I'm still tongue-tied, but have learned to get by in every area of life that requires a tongue (ladies, it's safe to come back!). But it really pisses me off to hear the sheer number of broadcasters that can't do their 'R's.

Oddly, Jonathan Ross doesn't piss me off the most - he at least makes gags about it.

No, it's soft-Rsed tossbuckets like Evan Davies who have successful and well-paid bwoadcasting cawee-ahs despite not being able to speak the English fucking language that really get my goat.
Other Rseless souls...
Cawol Thatcher - with the additional hate-fuel of only being famous because of the womb she was unlucky enough to prolapse out of, being the least hateful twunt in one year's "I'm A Loser Take Pity On Me", and comparing footballers to golliwogs.
Mike Dilger - the useless Brummie wildlife bloke on "The One Show". You know, the one who has all the on-camera charisma of a freshly-laid dog's egg and the lyrical vocal delivery of a bored Wolverhampton librarian reading the telephone book aloud (but only once they get to the letter S).
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 17:21, 5 replies)

Nerys Hughes
Can't believe none of my fellow northerners have mentioned that one.............
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 17:10, 6 replies)

David Cameron
...but, really anyone who went to public school & has started half-way up the career ladder, then transited to the career escalator by ritually excising their scruples, love for humanity, logical consistency etc.

Because I went to public school, 13-18, which means itchy uniform, isolation from females, enforced religion, enforced participation in sports (actually, that wasn't so bad, since you could get away with busting an enemy's nose in, if you were sufficiently contrite, as if it were accidental), lecherous* teachers, isolation from females (I'm harping on but it's effectively enforced virginity for all but the best connected)... and then everyone you meet thinks you've been advantaged. Because you can read ancient Greek to GCSE standard.

I'm not a Hedgie & I'm not Brew Crew... I've found my own niche without having to Mockney, much. But fuck "Dave", because he'd be nothing without the class system, and he LOVES it.

* I don't hate gays, now, but I did when I was 14, when they were in a position of authority, and unashamed about how much they wanted my arse
(bagpuss606, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 16:43, 1 reply)

Speaking of sell-outs
Jamie 'fat-tongued wanker' Oliver. Starts out as a tv chef, fair enough, an orthodox and reasonably entertaining one by some accounts. Then he lands the Sainsbury contract, ladened with hypocrisy - Feed your kids healthy food, (and dredge your mince pies in cinammon and icing-sugar). Then he manages to shoehorn his family into fame, causing his wife to end up appearing in simpleton-fodder celebrity magazines (and I don't mean the classy ones like OK and Hello, the bottom-feeder magazines).

He should stick to what he's good at. Cooking food and hopefully will stay off the telly.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 16:34, 7 replies)

I hate Wayne Bridge...
...because he is shit and plays for Citeh.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 16:27, Reply)

I hate John Terry
But I'll take him back because I love him, not because he's absolutely stinking rich and famous.

And he promised he won't do it again.........again!

Love,

Toni Terry.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 16:18, 1 reply)

I hate John Terry
Regards,

Wayne Bridge
( sneep used to date Freddie Starr's hamster, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 16:10, Reply)

I hate John Terry
Regards,

Toni Terry
( sneep used to date Freddie Starr's hamster, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 16:09, 1 reply)

The Manic Street Preachers.
Not because they're Welsh..
Not because they're more successful than my favourite bands...

But because they're a fat bloated bunch of sell-outs.

What happened to making a great punk record and then splitting up?
What happened when they became that which they said they'd formed to overturn?

What happened to the "This portaloo is for the exclusive use of the Manic Street Preachers" at Glastonbury?


Fuck em in the bin....
(caescarna Hell's Roomba, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 16:07, 27 replies)

The geek Nathan Barley
Okay, he's not a celeb per se, and I would hate to use the word weblebrity as it's a shit word but there is one person who managed to stir my ire just based on their writing.

That person is Cory Doctorow.

A few years ago I started reading cyber-culture blog bOING bOING. I lasted a few months before the inane ramblings of one man became too much to bear.

That man was Cory Doctorow.

He truly is a geek Nathan Barley. So ball-achingly hip that every article he wrote was laden with up-to-the-nanosecond terminology. Drew a CDC on a picture? You remixed it. Shoving a layer on Google maps? It's a mashup. Made an anagram tube map? Please cum on my face! I also completely disagree with his stance on copyright. Creative Commons can go fuck itself.

Not the most compelling argument, I'm sure. But he is a fuck, a shit, a cunt and a useless puppet-person and I hate him.
(Rilux might be pregnant and has bum-aids, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 15:45, 1 reply)

B3ta
That Rob Manu

Mod edit: Shut the fuck up or your account goes in the bin.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 15:18, 8 replies)

Queen
Or, at least, the two remaining, original members of Queen; Roger Taylor and Brian May.

Freddie Mercury was a remarkable front man and tremendous performer making Queen a great band, most especially live. Unfortunately, Queen died when Freddie Merury died, or at least should have. The tribute concert should have been a final farewell, but no, Messrs. Taylor and May keep dragging it on. At least John Deacon has the decency to recognise when something's over.

As for 'We Will Rock You', although a lot of the blame has to be left at the door of Ben Elton for the utter crassness of a story based around some shite about Gallileo and the Bohemians battling against the Killer Queen, there they are again, Taylor and May, raking over the coals for a couple of extra shekels.

Please just fuck off, both of you.
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 15:12, 12 replies)

Top Gear

Messrs Clarkson May and Hammond.

Frankly the contrived spontaneity act doesnt wash anymore. Wake up BBC, this so called motoring program is a vehicle for three over inflated egos who wouldnt know what a regular car was if it fucking ran them over. Car of the decade..a Bugatti Veyron! Get real you wankers, how many of them are cruising the local roads?

As for Clarkson doing his faux "northern" accent...you are fooling no one you cunt, you grew up in Doncaster , the offspring of a woman who had a penchant for making Paddington bear toys who could send her Jerrikins off to public school when he was old enough.

You might be privelaged to live in the Cotswolds, but what gives you the moral authority to sneer condescendingly at the rest of us you overblown ego maniac?
(frightfullybored, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 15:01, 12 replies)

Black holes.
They're big stars for a while, then when it's over they completely collapse.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 14:58, 5 replies)