Back in the day
When I was in primary school, year 6 I think, I had a bit of a fight with the 'hard lad'.

One week in the winter, him and the 'popular boys' were playing football in the playground... The ball got kicked my way, so I just tapped it to one side. And scored a goal.
Unfortunatly 'Rob Mac' or whatever his name was didn't like this, so toppled me and kicked me in the face a few times. Fractured nose, nurses office, he got expelled for a day.

A few days after he is back, he stole my brother's (who was in year 4 at the time) straw trilby hat, of which he was very fond of. I walked over to Rob Mac and asked for it back, and got a punch in the stomach.

I then proceeded to kick him in the nuts, push him over and then stamp on his fingers. Took the hat, got crowned as school hero for all of lunchtime.

Bastard never stole my brother's hat again*

* he did, however, kick the shit out of me on numerous occasions at secondary school, along with his somewhat burly friends.
( sd Oh cumbuns!, Tue 14 Mar 2006, 0:48, Reply)

I wouldnt call it legendary...
..but my one an only was about 4 or so years ago back in high school.

To put it simply, a mate of mine's magic 8 ball was taken by some ginger pikey (Nout wrong with gingers mind you, just red headded pikeys), obviously I try to get it back.

Could see he wanted some and so he starts it with a shove, I end up grabbing the 8 ball and giving him a fair few cracks round the back of the head with it, then I get a cracker in the nose causing some blood spillage. Then crowds emerged and that was it.

Because my school was so lax we just both got let off.
(Ledger, Tue 14 Mar 2006, 0:48, Reply)

School fights back
Long ago when I was about 14 I went to the local comprehensive school where there were loads of fights between pupils. The best fight ever tho was the whole school versus the headmaster.

This was back in the eighties but our headmaster was straight out of the Victorian era, a real old-school and formidible character who terrified even the hardest 16 year olds, let alone the little 11 yr olds.

With a single glare he could turn you to stone and his booming authoratative voice would stop the naughtiest bad-ass in his tracks. Needless to say the whole school both feared and hated him.

Every monday morning the entire school would go to the large gym and have to stand before the head for a general asembly where he would be stood on a plinth making announcememnts about this and that.

One winter monday morning we are all standing in the gym listening to this scary old relic when it became clear that some poor lad in the first year (11-12yrs old) had been packed off to school by his mum despite the fact that he clearly had quite a nasty cough.

As the headmasters announcements continued it was obvious this lads cough wasn't getting any better and suddenly, mid-sentence about an upcoming school play or some bollocks the headmaster shot out his long bony arm and finger at the unwell kid and boomed "Stop that coughing boy!!" whilst simultaneously leaning forward on his plinth at an angle that appeared to ignore gravity.

Something strange and amazing happened then, I dont really know if it was about the injustice of the sick boy being shouted at or the fact that our headmaster had momentarily lost the plot but a dozen or so kids scattered about the hall began to cough as loudly as they dared without moving their lips. Within a couple of seconds about 90% of the school's pupils had joined in so the best part of 500 kids were openly telling our archaic headmaster to "Fuck right off" - albeit with a cacophony of coughing.

After a few seconds it became difficult to cough because very few people could refrain from laughing - including quite a few of the teachers (who in fear of losing thier jobs were desperately trying not to).

The headmasters face was an absolute picture, he went the deepest shade of purple, drew in a huge breath and with a bellow that could have stopped a charging rhino he announced that the whole school would reconvene for general asembly at the end of the day (esentially giving EVERYONE detention) before storming out of the hall, clearly gobsmacked at the fact the whole school had the audacity to stand up to him.

That was one of the best school days ever, despite the looming 15 minute detention the feeling of solidarity from lowly 11 year old to strapping 16 year old bully was tangible, we'd all stuck together and put one over on our scary (straight out the dark-ages type) headmaster.

It would be interesting to know if any other b3tans went to the same school and were there that day.

Apologies for nothing
(Twizla)
(SoapbarStars, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 23:18, Reply)

Full Beanbag Jacket

Picture the scene:

A quiet little borough of South London, and an equally quiet junior school, whose crowning achievement was that they had found some WW2 era bomb shelters buried beneath it that had been forgotten about.

It had a very active Parent-Teacher association, which always strove for the best for their little pupils, always battling for that little extra piece of funding, bright classrooms, constant school trips, and of course a playground the envy of any of the rival schools.
The school would spare no expense on the playground, with bright coloured hopscotch grids everywhere and of course plenty of toys.
These came in the form of footballs, giant hoops, basketballs, etc…

Then one day the school had a special announcement, they had recently spent hundreds of pounds on beanbags. Literally thousands of colourful beanbags, apparently clueless to the sheer horror they had just unleashed.

Cue an hour of terror the normal man only sees in the likes of Apocalypse Now and Saving Private Ryan.
Within seconds of gaining access to the new “toys”, hundreds of young lads began throwing beanbags at anyone they saw.
Dinner ladies franticly ran around trying to stop the madness, but were forced to retreat under a constant hail of ammunition that’s commonly used by police to subdue large scale riots in the adult world.
The nurse’s office was full, and the girls were herded up in the far end of the higher playground, safely hiding behind the huts.
The playground was thinly scattered with the occasional boy who just wasn’t moving. The next door infant school had brought its children inside, to spare them from being warped by the mayhem they were witnessing.

Soon two major battle lines had formed, separated by a no-mans land that was several metres deep, and contained several lifeless children. Any who strayed into the middle for extra ammunition or to help his unconscious best friend became easy pickings, especially for those younger boys on the other side who didn’t have as strong a throw as the elder years did.

The slaughter continued for an hour, any teachers who went near the window to see what was going on risked their windows being shattered by those lashing out at the authority the teachers commanded over them.
Bright colours filled the sky and brought death from above, pitched battles took place everywhere as huts and hills and the football goal were taken from each other in some savage instinct of territorial warfare, the world moved as a blur, if you got close enough to the enemy it soon turned to hand to hand.
Without any clearly defined enemy, the same kid who helped you defend the bench could be fighting you tooth and nail for the traffic cone. You were too scattered to find any of your friends, and when you did it wouldn’t be long before you were separated as you dived in different directs to escape from a particularly heavy volley.

Then eventually it came, a loud whistle. The fighting died down, as you returned to the classroom, bruised, battered, beaten. Several kids had to have the next few days off school; one or two had broken bones, maybe a concussion here or there. No grudges were held, it was all vs. all and was both pointless and impossible to be bitter about being hit by someone, when it was quite possible that every kid had battled with each other at some point during the madness...

The next day there were no beanbags, and all staff denied their existence, probably explaining their disappearance to the PTA as theft, hundreds of pounds all gone.

That day shall forever haunt me and the hundreds others as our first introduction into the pure blood thirst and violent nature of man.

The horror...
(Danage, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 22:54, Reply)

Violence works. (Sometimes)
The school I used to go to closed down unexpectedly. I was too young to leave and had to go from a grammar school to the hardest East London Comprehensive. If that wasn't enough, my new headmaster told me I must wear my old uniform until my new one arrived. My old Oxford & Elson House uniform was a bright red jacket with blue and yellow stripes and short trousers. Needles to say, I was targeted for serious bullying. Every fucking day I got hit until one day I had enough. I got out of school quickly one day and ran to the underpass where the footpath home went. This was where it usually happened. As soon as the bully and his mates came by, I popped out from behind a concrete pillar and twatted the cunt with a huge lump of wood. He wasn't in school for two weeks! Nothing further was said, and the bullying stopped.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 13 Mar 2006, 22:46, Reply)

not a fight as such, but funny all the same...
there was a new kid in our class in about year 9. he, being japanese, didn't talk all that much english. so one day, (ironicly in an english class) said japanese kid is being taunted by the resident nob head who finds it incredibly amusing. there was another japanese kid in our class who spoke good english and so translated some of what was going on i guess.

so long story short, the japanese kid gets more and more wound up at grinning, taunting fool that he jumps over the desk taking a chair with him on the way and preceeds to slam the chair down incredibly hard right in front of the other kid.

needless to say the other kid shit himself and never taunted the japanese kid again.

and the chair never recovered either...
(dickytut, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 22:33, Reply)

the only time i've been in a fight
(as opposed to just being beaten up)
I managed to break my knuckle. I went to punch the other lad, missed, and hit the wall, full force.

I was never very good at violence.
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 22:15, Reply)

My fight in the bogs - lasted 2 seconds
Just remembered.

Secondary school about 1966 - I was 11 or 12.

Went to bog (you only went there if you *really* needed to).

School bully came up behind me and put his arm round my neck.

I thought - Oooh! I read in my comic (Look and Learn or similar) how to deal with this.

So I ducked and thrust bum up (no jokes please!)

Bully went over my head. Baaaad landing!

I walked away.

He said "Where'd you learn that?"

I said, "Don't mess with me!"


Next 5 years - no problems.


Mind you now I wish I'd also kicked him in the balls while he was down ...
(lozzzz, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 22:05, Reply)

Expelled at age 11
Well here goes, not proud of this but it happened.

I was due to leave the school anyway as my family was moving town and for some reason my best mate of the past year decided that we would fall out, can't even remember why now
Anyway, he decides we need to have a fight before I get to my new school so that I'll "have a bad record" upon arrival.
So the fight is well telegraphed across the playground as we have a fair circle of kids egging us on, coats are removed and sleeves rolled up.
The othet bloke comes running at me performing a swimming crawl stroke, I manage to grab the knot of his school tie and duck below his arms whilst holding him above me at arms length.

He manages to get a few blows to my head but nothing too serious, I manage to push him back sufficiently to stand up to my full height, in he comes again, possibly pushed by the crowd perimeter.

I landed one

He hit the deck blood all over his face and was escorted to the school medical room

Then my peers all congratulate me on an excellent punch etc etc.. usual kiddie yadda yadda

Turns out I had broken his nose with my single hit.

Wavy lines wavy lines (passage of time 22 years later)

I am taking a leak in a pub toilet and some bloke attacks me as I leave the facility, "you don't remember me do you?" say bloke, "errr sorry mate I don't" say I, "It's me 'insert name'" replies the bloke, " we had a fight 20 odd years ago", "ahh yes, I remember" quotes myself, the conversation then basically goes in the form that he is insistant in talking to me and I'm just trying not to get into this, and leave the bathroom (bit o'merican for ya)
The bloke then insists on shaking my hand and thanking me for twatting him and making him "wake up to what a dickhead I was" HUH? WTF? how does that work then?
For 22 years he has been carrying this round with him, we were 11 FFS!!!
I just fought because I had no choice. I was expelled from that school a week later for fighting obvioulsy
(Twisted_firestormer, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 21:10, Reply)

piggy back wars
i can remeber in year 9-10ish me and my mates use d to have this game called "Piggy Back Wars". basically there'd be two classes of people - carriers and fighters - the carriers would carry the fighters basically so you'd have loads of people running around on the school field with people on there backs kicking each other.

this eventually degenerated into a game called "STICK WARS" now basically stickwars was where you got sticks and whacked the shit out of each other with them. this went on for about 3 weeks. there were 2 bases and it was basically a bit like capture the flag, and many casualites happened. someone broke his leg, someone smashed one of his ribs in and I personally lost 3 of my finger nails (including the pink bit) this would of gone on forever if the school headmaster hadn't of stopped us and given us a right old rollocking about hitting each other with sticks. we still continued though and the game evolved once more into BASE KILLAHS in which we would spend 2 weeks building a base out of rubble, debris and sticks, and we would seal it up with leaves. gripping our trusty sticks from the last game we would run into each others bases knock the shit out of each other and then attempt to destroy the other teams base while doing so.

it all stopped when some chap got beaten so hard he nearly died.

no apologies for length your dad liked it
(getdown is not spanish, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 21:01, Reply)

i once got hit
by a girl with and umbrella because i wouldnt let her cut in to some queue i was in! so i calmly took it of her and bent it in half. she wasnt best pleased! although it made my day. :o)
( Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 20:49, Reply)

I am the most pathetic human being... in the world... ever.
One of my more embarrassing scap moments wasn't really a fight but could've gone badly for all concerned. Got to get this off my chest.

I mentioned Michael-no-neck in an earlier story, he's one of those people who disaster follows like a magnet so makes for entertaining tales. I shared a class with this deviant for about 5 years and we became sort of friends but I wasn't a fan of his shopliffting sprees or peculiar odour so tried to avoid him whenever I could. Near the end of one boring schoolday he was goading me about something or other, childish remarks which I could roll my eyes at and turn t'other cheek so no biggie. Out of the blue his voice goes a bit quiet and he calls my grandmother a hunchback. Now that just wasn't on. Call it psuedo bravado but I challenged him to a fight after school. He agreed and it (somehow) stupidly escalated until we entered some bizarre UFC fantasy world where we'd get all our friends together and meet in the deepest part of the forest to kick the holy, living shit out of each other. A fight for the ages.

When night fell I'd only managed to blag one mate which was a little weak, so after some quick thinking I pocketed my trusty penknife, 3 inches, nailfile attachment, hardcore.

Myself and said mate made it as far as the bottom of my street! Before a gang of youths turned up to meet us. By now I was about to pee my pants in fear because Michael's friends consisted of the scariest, most sypocathic (sic :p) kids from the nearby estate. Mike however was strangely absent "he's um, taking a bath" was the witty explanation "but we're still up for it if you are."

At this point, overcome with a desire to call it off and run like the wind I pull out my "knife" stupidly hoping it'd frighten them into backing down. You've seen Crocodile Dundee right? "That's not a knife. This... is a knife." Yeah, the borstal-bound skinhead's reply was to pull out what I like to imagine was a footlong bloodstained machete. I exagerate but at the time it was one big oh shiiiiit moment.

The conclusion? Me cunningly heading home to procure "bigger, more dangerous weapons" and then locking the door, hiding under my bed in tears for fear they'd break in and do wicked things to my nubile young body, ie, carve me like a roast chicken.

Weirdly enough I went to school on the Monday and no-one said a thing. My mate just shrugged and Michael pretended we were still friends.

Sad I know but I was way over my head and glad to be alive thank you very much.

'pologies for etc.
(Suddenly, zebras Safe and sound for eternity, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 19:20, Reply)

silly me
I went to posh wanky boarding school so excuse me if I use some JOLLY HOCKEY STICKS terminology.

Anyway, I was spinning around in the 3rd year prep room with a pair of pliers in my hand.

What I had not bargained upon was the immediate entrance to the room of the year's resident JUG-EARED FOOL (he always used to say 'It's my mastoid bone, leave me alone!'. We always used to say 'Shut up McEars!'. He's an all right guy now and I believe his ears have shrunk).

Anyway, he was universally bullied - once he got locked in a trunk and rolled down the stairs by some vile idiots - but, since I had cerebral palsy (the mild unco-ordinated kind) and a temper, he thought he could get one over on me, and did, often.

The git.

So, I was spinning around, and I accidentally let go of the pliers. And they made a ramrod straight line through the air, on a collision course with this guy's crotch.

He ran at me, yelling and frothing like Thoth the Unavenged.

'WHYNFUCKYOUNTHROW PLIERS AT ME YOUNFUCKENPSYCHOOOOO' etc.

Bear in mind that as well as having ears like the tits of the old, he was about 4 foot 3.

We then proceeded to have the most laughable fight imaginable. Gnome Fights Tramp. I was flailing my arms in impossibly wide 359 degree arcs and winding up every punch like an overzealous grandfather clock. He was 'concerned about my disability' and got me in a headlock whilst tapping my head very very lightly indeed and whispering insults in my ear.

Imagine frozen ladybirds falling on breezeblocks. That's what it was like.

WHOOOSSSH! (arms)

thesoundoffallinginsects (ouch)

FWWWHOOOOOOOOOSH! (arms)

frozenladybirds (ouch)

DIE!!!! (arms)

taptaptaptaptap (ouch)

This continued for TWENTY-FIVE SODDING MINUTES.

Then, I tripped over my FILA trainer shoelaces and bruised my rib on a chair.

To add insult to injury about 2 weeks later I broke my own nose trying to punch him. (Yeah, I swung round so far that my bicep hit my face. And I missed).

And then I punched a 6'7'' guy in his (rather spongy, I found) testicles.

And then I bloodied someone's nose, who later found me with my arse stuck out of my duvet cover trying to hide from him.

Oh well.

Apologies for length (of the fight, more than anything else).
(sjflangehound, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 19:02, Reply)

Let's see...
I've been in a few petty fights which, while they may have been spectacular at the time, are now long forgotten by all (except me, aparrently)

There was also a really fat girl me and my friends used to bully (sorry if I sound proud of it) and one day she attacked us for a change. I used our game boy link cable and gave her a whipping - literally!

There was a guy in the year below us whom I fought using rolled up newspapers as sort of makeshift swords. He had maybe 30-40 of his year backing him up, my mates all scarpered. I got out of it fairly unscathed, though.

My favourite has got to be my attacking our Physics teacher, though. Or so the story goes. I was actually writing a movie script, and he picked it up. I leapt up and snatched it back from him. Most people will tell you I physically assaulted him, though. In a few years I'm sure people will say I killed him or something.

Needless to say, I've something of a reputation for being a very agressive individual, by now.
(Icefox2k, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 18:36, Reply)

I got into a fight in the first week of first year
outside the maths classroom. we ended up getting hauled off to the headmaster's office and to this day I still don't know what the fight was about. I had a black eye and she had bruised ribs and a bruised and scratched throat. not the best way to make an impression...
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 18:28, Reply)

Who cares you're the school bully?
I was in the 1st of 4 years at junior school, my brothers were both in Year 4 and at break my bro's and their mates were rounding up me and my mates and dumping us in a pile from which we had to try to escape, all good fun till the bully in our year punched me in the stomach knocking the wind out of me.

I was that mad at him spoiling my fun that once I got my breath back I went straight for him and before I knew it we were surrounded by a crowd all shouting "Fight! fight! fight!" and I wondered what the heck I'd got myself into.

However, not wanting to face the embarrasment of backing out I let my anger consume me and actually knocked ten bells out of him, not bad considering I wasnt exactly a 'fighter'.

A couple of years ago I read in the paper how the same guy had been sent to prison for helping to dispose of the dismembered body of a murdered prostitute, I hope when he gets out he doesnt remember me kicking his ass!!!
(Hoofdog, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 17:43, Reply)

I had loads
we moved around a fair bit as i was growing up - zambia,england,holland,belgium,botswana,swaziland,zimbabwe,england,germany,england (by the age of 14)

Ive always been slightly larger so I was always a challenge to the "hard kids" authority and pecking order, so they felt they had to do something to me, even though i would do my best to avoid it.

highlights include, but are in no way limited to:

in south africa (where i went to boarding school for a year), in piet retief (think deepest darkest apartheid farmers kids whose parents still remember the boer war) i got a kicking for being english.

in germany the town we lived in had the highest %age vote for the NPD(neo nazis) in the whole of germany. nice being the british kid there too.

in england, i was obviously from south africa (i had a lovely accent) so anyone who wasnt white decided even as a gang to take turns having a go at me.

I did know how to defend myself of course, but i put one kid in hospital when i was 12 and tried to avoid any trouble from then on.

sorry for unfunniness but hey, giving and receiving kickings isnt actually particularly funny.
( pregnantfridge, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 17:35, Reply)

basically a good student...
… is how I was described in my reports of the time, and it was true I never EVER had a detention, never suspended in fact nothing more than a stern clicking off when ever things went wrong … but my finest example of avoiding trouble (and the only fight I have ever come out best in) happened when is was 15ish, I was having girlfriend trouble (which at the time probably meant Nina(?) hadn’t let me grope her that lunch break or something equally serious) BUT this retard in my class questions my masculinity and pulling ability!!!! The insult could not go unanswered – a leaped over my desk ran at the offending individual as he continued to laugh and smacked him with all my force OR that’s what people think happened actually I only just connected as victim of attack very quickly pulled head away from fist in a very impressive dodge – or a dodge that would have been very impressive had it not brought his head into contact with the corner of a wall! Anyway he starts dropping towards me – mistaking the glazed eyes of one losing conscousness for one lost in a world of rage I think this is some cunning counterattack so get a quick punch to his temple - as he falls past me… out cold on the classroom floor… then the teacher walks in – and then I try very hard to explain how this isn’t want it clearly is… (got away with it though as I implied I was being beaten at home and suffering mental anguish or some such thing, loving parents then received funny looks at all subsequent parent teacher meetings but I avoided a detention - so result)
(Undercovers, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 17:33, Reply)

A rather "nail biting" experience.
During my last year of schooling before going to university, I was wandering the hallway one day and found myself right beside a fight between two girls (girl fights are obviously the best kind). All I could hear was screaming about how someone had stolen away the other's boyfriend.

I saw the hitting start, and started laughing at the stupidity of it all, thinking about how everyone would be asking me later to explain what had happened in great detail. My mouth flew open and I started to belly laugh and yell, “FIGHT!” when all of a sudden a blur of stuff flew at me, and something had gone into my laughing open mouth.

Shocked and rather confused, I shook the first thing that had flown at me from my shoulder, looking down and realizing that it had been one of the girl's hair weaves. That was enough to make me totally disgusted, but things only got worse when I spit out the thing that had gone into my mouth.

It turned out to be a fake fingernail.
(Mobius Donut, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 17:18, Reply)

I got beaten a lot.
I'll spare the long stories, but I think this shows something about people's logic.

Wednesday: I have a (prolonged) fight in our form room, in which I got beaten by other people joining in and the other guy hitting me in the face with a metal chain someone had. I've seen this guy a few times since I left school and we get on alright now so don't worry. Sympathy recieved - little.

Thursday: one of his mates punches me, I punch him twice in the face - forgetting I was holding a System of a Down album (Toxicity, just after it came out - showing my age) and he got a bit of a black eye from that cutting around it. A lot of people who I thought would've given me sympathy yelled at me for being out of order and saying it was dangerous. The injustice.

Joke's on them - I left there after year 11, made the best friends of my life and didn't get punished because teachers were certain I was just getting the shit kicked out of me. Which, to be fair, I was a bit.
( Whillow, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 17:01, Reply)

Year Six
Aged eleven, we were playing our version of 'Sumo Wrestling' on our primary school playground. There was a red spray painted cicle on the tarmac and the object of the game was to push other people out of the circle. I wasn't bad at said game, and in the semi final of one game two boys decided to gang up on me and work together to push me out. This being completely against the rules, and me having a strong sense of what is fair, this was altogether too much for my eleven year old self and I ran off to the toilets, feeling dejected and humiliated.
One of the boys followed, where I swiftly told him to 'go fuck yourself' which led to him grabbing my head and smashing it against a mirror. He later recalled that as the mirror smashed behind my head, a change ocurred in me, American Werewolf In London Style. I promptly chased after him, followed him outside and rugby tackled him to the floor and pounded his head over and over until about 5 other boys had to break us up.
At first glance he was fine, but I on the other hand was bleeding profusely. I had to be taken to our local minor injuries unit, because one scaremongering school secretary thought she could see bits of mirror in my tiny little cut. When we arrived the doctor told me I was fine, and I went straight home.
He stayed in school and was thought to be fine until in the afternoon he passed out, had to be taken to QE2 hospital, and did not wake up until 36 hours later.
The joke was on him though because the school made him pay £50 for a new mirror.
Idiot.
(tom the astronaut, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 16:45, Reply)

I am a comedy genius.
I was in in Year 5, at primary school. Around the playground there's this wooden fence, thick enough to sit on but thin enough to warrant a good sense of balance whilst doing so.

Whilst hanging out with my gang (which I'm slightly proud to say I was second in command of) by the aforementioned fence we were trying to come up with ideas of what to do.

"I know," says someone, "We should push all the girls off the fence."

Brilliant. And as if to start I pushed one of the members of the gang (who no one really liked, he was just there to make up the numbers) off the fence. We all fell about laughing as he desperatley tried to hold on, but to no avail.

I think he's in prison now. I do hope I didn't have anything to do with it.
( Lightguy hail satan, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 16:30, Reply)

The only time I got suspended
... and it was primary school of all places! I was in the 5th year while this lad that got me suspended was in the 6th and last year. It all started by me stepping on his foot. Not the worst crime in history but he obviously saw otherwise. The first punches were thrown by him and the fight eventually ended up outside. He picks up this brick and launches it straight at me when my back is turned. The brick glances my shoulder and I see red, turned round and threw the mother of all punches. The crowd gasped as re-entry flames started to make my knuckles glow. I hit him square in the face and he almost took off before hitting the floor hard. I was still up for round two until I saw blood literally pouring from his face and heard this shriek from him as he finds his nose mangled.
Fifteen minutes later Im sat infront of the headmaster getting a serious talk about 'turning the other cheek' and all that before my mum arrived to take me home.
Suspension is a rubbish punishment. A whole week off? Since when is that a bad thing...
(infernios, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 16:30, Reply)

A bit out of hand really.
We organised a big fight with the rival school from up the road.
This was going to be great. We had about 30-40 lads coming, people turning up from everywhere.

The fight was arranged and for some reason we split into 2 groups. A small advance party (about 9 of us) went on the bus.

We got off and promptly saw 2 little cunts goading us from the street ahead.
Me and a mate went for them and as we rounded the corner we saw why they were so cocky.

About 40 lads, all armed with sticks, bricks, bottles etc etc were waiting.

I'm not afraid to say we shat it there and then, turned and legged it to our few lads, reported our findings and then we went for it.

No sign of the rest of our lot.

One mate went through a window, another got severely beaten by this awesomely huge and terrifying skinhead (more on him later) and generally we came off pretty badly.

They dissipated and we never got the chance to fight back really.

Then it starts to go wrong.

I'm at home one day and my mum tells me there's a copper on the phone. He says he's coming round in 15 minutes. Oh shit.

The mate who was in the advanced party with me was on his way round and this copper said it would be fine to interview us together as it would save time.

We were and still are good friends so we read the situation and told him enough to save ourselves from trouble.

We recounted the story of the terrifying skinhead and he told us they knew all about him. thrown out of the army. Violent. Crazy. Dangerous.

Anyway, some weeks later i'm with a girl at a mates house (same guy). The door goes and there's the skinhead with someone my mate knows.

"do you know any of these people...." he reads out my name and then proceeds to tell my friend that he's just been sharpening knives at this garage over the road and he's going to "cut them up (the boys on the list)".

I was 10 stairs away from this meatheaded lunatic, and at 15 i was terrified.

For 2 weeks i had to watch my back and then one day, whilst bunking off PE due to poor weather i heard on my walkman that he had been arrested whilst trying to rob a Ladbrokes with a shotgun. Police had a stand off with him and he tried to shoot them.

I cheered that day. I cheered that cunts impending years in prison and my new found freedom.
(beebolbod for those that are hard of hearing - LISTEN, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 16:19, Reply)

divine retribution?
when i was a kid i used to get a fair bit of hassle for living in a trailer (well a mobile home cos i'm english but if i say trailer it at least gives me some kind of anti-cool cool) and i moved schools a lot. at one school, where i was stationed for being bright (all the other kids paid i was on a scholarship because i could do the other subjects not just rugby and humiliating other kids) this kid, let's call him mr Burrell, used to mess me up bad, him and his cronies, gave me over a year, concussion, a fractured skull, numerous other injuries includign a cricket-bat related near-loss of one of my pods.. oh and left me handcuffed to a tree for 3 hours because no-one did the register after lunch. well, i moved schools. anothere kid from the same mould let's call him mr Coad. same deal, less injuries as i actually decked him once, but same sort of treatment. made me miserable as fuck cos my 'rents were doing the 'let's divorce and use the kid to beat on each other' thing, and these guys ensured i had few mates.
roll on to a couple of years ago. my mum sends me a newspaper clipping form back home where a guy who had a driving ban and 21 prev. vehicle and violence convictions got in a fight with a rugger bugger in a pub, ran out, got in his car, waited for the guy to leave and ran him over 4 times before driving off. he got 14 years, the rugger bugger got wheelchair for life and goodbye promising rugby career.
the driver? Mr Coad. the rugger bugger? Mr Burrell.
vengeance is mine, saith the lord :)
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 16:17, Reply)

Tag team
A mate of mine had his bag nicked by some scum from another class at our school. Being the loyal friend that I was, I’d noticed that my mate was having a bit of trouble getting it back from the by now, three lads on the school field.

So, seeing my chance I did what any other mate would do. I ran full pelt at the main protagonist from a distance of about 30 metres without being seen, and then launching myself at his back in a two footed style. I flew through the air for what seemed like a good metre or so, and connected perfectly with the small of his back.

I cushioned my landing to the grass, got up, and dusted myself down. He, on the other hand, fell to the floor like a sack of potatoes and rolled round like an Italian footballer.

My mate grabbed back his bag, throttled one of the lads using his tie and threw him to the floor. Then in true comedy style, just to finish the job off, I got down on all fours behind the final perpetrator, and waited for my mate to push the lad backwards over me. Finally with a nice thudding sound, he cracked his head on the floor and lay their for a while.

Job done.
(Bertie Dastard Wax on, wax off, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 16:00, Reply)

Dental bill
I smacked a kid so hard once i ruined his teeth and he had to visit a dentist to get them re-aligned over a period of years. hahahah.

His mum passed the bill to me via the school. hahahah. fuck off.
(beebolbod for those that are hard of hearing - LISTEN, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 15:58, Reply)

Ahhhh - fighting
In the playground talking to a girl i (and most of the eligible boys in the school) fancied.

A kid from the year above who was a very fast runner (ran for the school) came legging it past us and to impress said girl i trip him up.

He fell like a sack of shit, but to his credit he came at me.

Somewhat scared at the older kid coming for me like a raging bull i did the only thing i knew.

Smacked him in the face. Claret emerging but he didn't go down and he comes again.
This time i put some soul into it and the poor cunt got his lips stapled to his braces.

got some degree of kudos for that as he was a 'big boy'.
(beebolbod for those that are hard of hearing - LISTEN, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 15:57, Reply)

Fighting in the name of Religion
Well, not really but it was in Religious Ed in 4th year.

There was this clown in our class who was the typical lower grades, but could make everybody laugh kinda guy - every class had one.

Anyway, he decides one day in RE to throw 2pence coins off the back of my head as hard as he could to the amusement of him and basically anyone sitting behind the front row of class where I was. And he keeps doing it until I realise I'm not just a little bit sore, but I'm also getting really f*cking angry and tell myself that if he does it again I'm gonna hit him.

So he does and I did. Only I didn't just hit him. You know in other stories where you're in the fight and get knocked out after being hit? Well, reverse that and that's what happened to me (some folk call it red-mist). I can't remember the rest, but apparently I had hit him about 8 times square in the face and had moved on to strangling the boy by the time I 'woke up' and had Mrs Gordon and 2 other blokes in the class trying to prise me off the daft bastard. I was sent out the class where I immediately broke down in tears at what I'd just done, and what could have happened had I not been torn away.

Bit of a turned around one that one - me crying after laying into him, bur he never said a bad word to me after that.
(gj is Iron Man, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 15:42, Reply)

Crazy MoFo
Although this story is not really about a fight it does concern school and is far more entertaining than any of my fight stories.

I had just started high school and there were serveral stories going round about a chinese guy in 5th year (I won't name names I'm afraid as this guy was a real nutter) doing mad things.

Story 1 - Someone bet him £20 that he would jump out of a 2nd floor window. He did it and broke a leg. This story was never totally confirmed.

Story 2 - He shot a teacher with a gat gun. He was meant to have shouted at the teacher on the stairs, took aim and popped a dart in his ass. Again this story was never totally confirmed.

Story 3 - He got onto the roof of the foyer wearing his school uniform, a balaclava and for some strange reason a pair of white gloves (like a butler). He then ran around the roof shouting mad stuff and fannying about. The teachers tried to get him to come down but he was having none of it. That was until the bell went, and being the orderly chap he was he jumped down so he would be late! He did jump on the janitor though! This story is totally true as I saw it with me own 2 eyes. For about 3 weeks after the incident we kept drawing a chalk outline signifying were he fell.

He was sadly never seen at school again. God bless that crazy bastard!
(fb1979 fb1979, Mon 13 Mar 2006, 15:35, Reply)