Pee roast
My ex was a filth bag
I still shudder thinking about this.

I am, as most males fairly interested in licking the hairy clam.

So one night my then girlfriend gets home and we start down the path of hanky panky. Now at this stage i've forgotten that ive noticed the shower head hasnt been moved from where I so carfully put it three days in a row and head down south for some mouth love.
Cue me screwing my nose up and asking if she has washed lately? Shock horror, no she hasnt, but hops out of bed and grabs a mediwipe.

Im not sure which tasted worse, the three day old manky pussy or the lemon flavoured chemical minge I had a go at.

Needless to say we broke up not long after that.

Good riddance to bad rubbish!
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Fri 3 Feb 2012, 5:43, 25 replies)

So, your story is 'I'm that virginally desperate I'll go down on any whiffy old growler'?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 7:10, closed)

you have comprehension issues my son
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 7:18, closed)

how so?
from what I read, his missus smelled like a month-old vegetable bin, which was then compounded by her swabbing her vag with a lemon-scented floor wipe.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 7:24, closed)

How are you white witch?
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 7:27, closed)

whut?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 8:10, closed)

You frightful troll

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 8:55, closed)

Situation: Try to give oral to smelly vagina. She tries to clean it with a wetwipe.
Most men: Stop trying to give oral
This one: Tries anyway

Why did he persist in trying and how was a wetwipe meant to vastly improve matters? Unless, as badger says, he was desperate.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 8:54, closed)

This is assuming this is true, obviously.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 8:55, closed)

Harsh,
but fair.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 9:15, closed)

that makes him virginally desperate?
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 9:17, closed)

Are you saying you would've done the same in the situation?

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 10:06, closed)

I'm saying it doesn't automatically make him virginally desperate.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 10:15, closed)

If you want to be generous,
you could argue that it shows an admirable level of youthfull enthusiasm, I suppose.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 10:27, closed)

^What Spaz McDuff said^

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 10:29, closed)

once you have committed to the act
there no turning back unless its so bad you are
going to fire chunks into the lady garden
(Cov Boy, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 10:34, closed)

I admire your youthfull enthusiasm.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 11:01, closed)

^^Seconded^^

(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Fri 3 Feb 2012, 13:03, closed)

I would, and have, give up
at the first realisation of the lack of hygiene. I just cant stand people who are too lazy to even clean themselves.
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 11:25, closed)

This calls for a song!!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVyZJNeCmZ0
( Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 11:20, closed)

One of those drunken 'what's the best/worst sex you've ever had' conversations lead a friend of mine to admit the following-
He'd been out one night and pulled a young lady. One thing led to another and they ended up back at hers. Foreplay was engaged in and he decided that now would be a great time to go down on her. he moved his way down south and upon reaching the belly button was hit with a 'ripe' smell that hinted at the fact that she had the similar attitude to washing as your ex. He thought 'Fuck, what do I do?' and decided to finger her instead and hoped that 'double bagging' might solve any issues later on.
We move to later on. He is behind her performing vigorous love making. He is pulling her hair in that way they do in porn and the young lady grabs him by the wrist and starts sucking his fingers. The same fingers that had been inside her earlier on.
The vomiting caused the muscles in her body to contract and my friend commented 'It was like having my cock in a vice, I wanted to carry on but she'd started to cry and it put me off.'
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 12:31, closed)

Is this
wolfbagging?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 12:59, closed)

Please tell me this is not a real thing. Please please.

(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Fri 3 Feb 2012, 13:04, closed)

I doubt much of what I read on Urban Dictionary.
Although, I sort of want this to be a real thing.

Disclaimer: monster munch does not condone domestic violence.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 16:07, closed)

sweet tapdancing christ.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 16:02, closed)

Bahahahah
Thats fucked up.
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Sat 4 Feb 2012, 7:39, closed)