OK, I'm getting into my stride now...
Mini Tescos.

Too useful to totally eschew, too ubiquitous to avoid and yet...my soul dies a little more each time I use one as I feel the suckers of the octopus sucking ever more strongly.

Why are they so greedy? And how-fucking-dare-they suggest I buy certain products for the privilege of amassing several more worthless Clubcard points.

Which reminds me: I couldn't give a tinker's testicle what other-people-that-bought 'Care of Shrubs' also bought. I didn't buy this for me, it was a present, so why don't you stop pimping your 'Roy Lancaster's book of everything plant-like' to me you Amazon PIMP.


Right, I think I'll go out and assault a chugger. How dare they make me feel slightly bad for even a few seconds when I'm in town on my lunch break.

EDIT: Just realised that this may not qualify as self-pity, having strayed into 'rant' land, but why should I have to put up with THE MAN just because I want to live in the West? Eh?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 16:26, 2 replies)

Not being able to do anything without permission
Working as a Software Engineer for a University, we use to be able to release non-tested buggy software to our clients without so much as a question raised.

Now, we have to fill in a 7 page document that proves it has been tested and who is to blame when it goes wrong. Then attend a meeting to discuss and approve or deny the document, which is ridiculous in its own regard because no-one at this meeting has a clue what these systems are. To then release the same non-tested buggy software because the fucking client tests it by just looking at the pages and clicking some buttons.

We can't even make the release ourselves, we have to get someone to basically open a explorer window the live server and get the contents of the release folder copied over. If we make any DB changes then we have to get two people that sit in the same room to coordinate the release as one person can't do the same job (apparently).

All because of things like "Security" and "Responsibility" as well as documenting every change so we know what happens where. In my day it was you release, then fix, then re-release, then fix...

Kinda bleeds into the previous question a bit but it still gets my goat that I have to jump through so many hoops to make a release but someone higher up than me can take down the entire network and write a "retrospective" document which basically says "whoops"
(cosmothecoder Spinning round and round on his desk chair, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 16:25, 3 replies)

There is only one thing money can’t buy — poverty.
We were so poor when I was a nipper that If my father didn't cut holes in my pockets at Christmas, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 16:21, 3 replies)

I get really annoyed by
My dishwasher not getting everything clean first time

Having to turn the bread around in the toaster half way through

The fact the KFC has Pepsi, not coke (the only reason I never go there these days)

People not parking considerately in our road, meaning the wife and I sometimes can't fit both our cars outside our house and so have to walk a good 10-15 yards to and from our cars

Not being able to find decent quality torrents of TV shows I don't want to have to wait to come on TV

Pubs that don't have (what I consider) decent premium lagers

Forgetting my phone charger when I come to work, meaning I can't be constantly on the 'net

Expensive restaurants that have a crap dessert menu - epsecially so if they are Michellin-stared

Tescos having my favourite brand of X on sale / BOGOF, so there's none there when I go and therefore have to settle for another brand

The price of petrol when I drive a car that, on a good day, gets 20mpg

The walls in my house being too thick, so it's hard to get consistant wi-fi in some rooms (maybe three out of ten rooms)
(ScousersPet, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 16:17, 5 replies)

Why can't people in the office either put the sugar in first or use two spoons?
Sugar in the coffee jar is nowhere near as annoying as coffee in the sugar jar.
(TitanLX, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 16:07, 2 replies)

BBC 3
What's that all about? How dare they waste MY licence fee on a bunch of mongs that want their ugly, sad, young faces on the fucking telly.

And E4 can fuck right off too, and Channel 4 for that matter, and while we're at it, Kirsty and Fucking Phil can take a modest, 5-bedroomed flying fuck at the moon too.

In fact if it wasn't for moody European crime dramas on BBC4 (and NO, Montalbano, I'm not looking at you) and the odd serious documentary on BBC2 then I'd seriously think about 'switching off the telly and going to do something less boring instead'.

BUT WHY SHOULD I!!!
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 16:05, 9 replies)

"broadband"
The broadband speed at my house maxes out at 1.1mbps but for 6 months it hung between .3 and .7 3G is not an option as the signal is too shite. Actually this is not a first world problem. I went to Kenya once and they had 3G. Not much else, but their internets are faster.
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 16:01, 2 replies)

i went for dinner at monty boyce's house just before christmas
there were about 8 b3tans.

at one point, at least 6 of us were moaning about the impossibility of finding giant couscous for sale anywhere in uk supermarkets.

of course we also did massive drugz and shagged supermodels in the back of his honda accord, so it's the parking ticket for the honda that is the real first world problem here.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:59, 8 replies)

People who
"don't like the taste of water"
( awayfromthenumbers, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:51, 3 replies)

Oh...
and anyone who buys coffee that costs more than 50p...
(littleben hasn't anything funny to put here, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:39, 6 replies)

Government Moaners...
...simple really...I spend all day every day (well 5 or 10 minutes a week) hearing people moan about the government
...how fuel costs are too high,
how there's too much/too little housing,
how there's too much/not enough renewable energy,
how the UK should/shouldn't be engaging it's armed forces in some far flung part of the world,
how TB is/isn't the fault of badgers (I have a theory about TB and hedgehogs stitching up the badgers with this one, but that's another story)
..all sorts of petty things...THIS doesn't get to me at all.

What does wind me up like fuck, is the same silly cunts during voting season still plopping an X next to the lying toerag Labout/Liberal/Tory candidate who individually and within their party will only every attempt to disappoint the populace.

Has anyone ever stopped for one second to drag their head out of their ass and thought that they would vote for a party that hasn't a well established track record of fucking up this country? This is the 21st Century...not the 18th...we have choices. listen to your moans...you'll generally find IT'S YOUR OWN FUCKING FAULT.
(littleben hasn't anything funny to put here, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:37, 12 replies)

3G
Sometimes my 3G connection is very slow.

This means that I get frustrated at having to wait an extra 25 seconds for a page of humanities collected knowledge (and inane ramblings) to appear on the screen of my lightweight, wireless and completely portable tablet computer.
( Kovacs Slogan free since 2003, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:37, 1 reply)

I tell you what I fucking hate 'My Super sweet 16. '
That Tv show about adolescents being given ridiculously huge and overpowered vehicles (possibly Honda Accords)for their birthdays and then moaning because it's the wrong shade of green or doesn't have a dual exhaust (with a shitty little clicky tantrum).

All I got was a Snes. And I was fucking grateful.

This is the very reason people slam planes into buildings (probably).
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:32, 2 replies)

The silly Eastern European woman in the well-known coffee shop
She put milk in my Lapsang Souchong!
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:32, 7 replies)

I find the whole occupy thing quite annoying.
While I agree with some of the sentiments, I can't get past seeing a load of rich people whining about not being rich enough.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:31, 1 reply)

What really makes me laugh
is rich, comfortable, well fed people complaining about other rich, well fed people complaining about trivial things.
(username failed moderation, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:28, 1 reply)

One of the awful phrases that upsets me that my awful middle class family and awful middle class friends use is
"The worst thing in the WORLD is ... "

and finish the sentence with some fucking inane bollocks about dropping Tarquin's dummy on the floor in Waitrose.

I always think to myself, "I'd rather that than, say, being in Syria right now" for example, and then get upset, not only at the mind-breakingly dull content of their passing comment, but my sheer, pig-headed and comfortable pedantry about it.

I swear to God when I finally go postal it won't be my fault - it will be Western society's as a whole for being so full of utterly boring cunts.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:23, 6 replies)

Someone senior at work
...was complaining a while back about the burdens of being a working mother.

When quizzed, it turned out that what had annoyed her was the need to take a few days off to ensure the new nanny settled in.

Thought that was a teensy bit rich...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:18, Reply)

Right, you twits.
It's "what stories of sheer single-minded self-pity get your goat", not "let's continue a stale meme by making up more First World Problems". You lot have a reading comprehension problem.

Which gets on my tits. *flounce*
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:14, Reply)

I'm a tube driver
And I’m furious because my bosses are refusing to give me an extra £500 just for doing my fucking job during the Olympics. I may even go on strike over this, because I’m a cunt.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:09, 5 replies)

I tried to make a new kind of ethically-sourced, carbon-neutral natural fabric using moorland plants.
It didn't work.

Such is my furze twill problem.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:05, Reply)

Can of coke
A friend was complaining the other day because he bought a can of coke in a Pret a Manger, realised it was badly dented on the bottom and leaking a little once he was halfway down the road, so took it into another branch of Pret to replace it.

At which they said 'Erm. You haven't got a receipt and you admit you didn't buy it here'.

Apparently, this makes them worse than the Nazis and he's never shopping there again.

He also won't go to one of the local pubs because they once came over and asked him not to sit in their pub eating a sandwich he'd brought in himself.

In all truth, he's a bit of a fucking idiot.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 15:05, Reply)

I'm not happy with the differing sound levels on my ipod
So much so that I have done nothing about it. I annoyingly have to change the volume up or down accordingly.
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:35, 5 replies)

And just in time for this QOTW...
www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-02-29/wall-street-bonus-withdrawal-means-trading-aspen-for-cheap-chex.html

Schiff, 46, is facing another kind of jam this year: Paid a lower bonus, he said the $350,000 he earns, enough to put him in the country’s top 1 percent by income, doesn’t cover his family’s private-school tuition, a Kent, Connecticut, summer rental and the upgrade they would like from their 1,200-square- foot Brooklyn duplex.

“I feel stuck,” Schiff said. “The New York that I wanted to have is still just beyond my reach.”

“People who don’t have money don’t understand the stress,” said Alan Dlugash, a partner at accounting firm Marks Paneth & Shron LLP in New York who specializes in financial planning for the wealthy. “Could you imagine what it’s like to say I got three kids in private school, I have to think about pulling them out? How do you do that?”

Won't someone please think of the poor investment bankers?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:33, 9 replies)

Every time I spin around my mink stole slips off my shoulder.
That's my furs-twirl problem.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:29, 2 replies)

sian lloyd. wind farms. that is all
zzzzzz
(magictorch, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:26, 1 reply)

If you have Europe, plus the richer countries of the former British Empire (USA, Canada, Australia, Singapore, New Zealand) and Japan problems, I feel bad for you son.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:26, Reply)

I sense a disturbance in the QotW...

As if millions of voices cried out 'bollocks to this!', and then left it 'til next Thursday
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:17, 15 replies)

I bought some pasties today
They weren't that hot to be fair. I still ate them, but wasn't as happy as I could have been.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:14, 3 replies)

One of my Kit Kat fingers didn't have any wafer in it.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:11, 15 replies)