Knock knock!
Who's there!
Justin.
Justin who?
Just in time to complain about trolls ruining qftw.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:39, Reply)

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's just a light-hearted website you quivering emo-cripple.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:38, Reply)

Knock knock
Who's there?

I dunnup.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:38, 3 replies)

Knock knock.
Oh, is that the doorbell repairman?
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:35, Reply)

Knock Knock
Who's there

Doctor

Oh thank fuck for that, I feel like shit
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:33, 3 replies)

Fuck this shit, tell us your favourite knock-knock joke.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting doctor.
Interrup-You have cancer.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:33, Reply)

Hang on a sec, TWO sections of QOTW devoted to people talking about their lunch?
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:30, Reply)

I went to burger king at dinnertime today.
Do I win £5?
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:07, 1 reply)

If I wanted to look at pictures of someone else's lunch I'd go on Instagram.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 14:48, 4 replies)

My balls
Whenever I have guests over for dinner, particularly if any of them are vegetarianists, I'll get my balls out. Everyone loves putting my balls in their mouth. My balls are awesome.

Recipe:
1 finely-chopped onion
4-5 cloves finely-chopped garlic
Juice, pulp and zest of 1-2 lemons depending on size
2-3 slices of bread, or a roll or whatever you've got
About half a bag of crushed walnuts
1 egg
Some butter and olive oil
Salt & pepper to taste

Mix everything together in a large bowl until it's the consistency of a lumpy paste, then roll into spheres (one or two per guest), place on a baking tray and cook in the oven until they're crispy on the outside.

If you're not a vegetarianist, you can also shove the whole lot up a chicken's arse and cook it that way, but then you don't get to do the jokes about your balls.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 14:48, 10 replies)

I have a bad feeling about his week…

Some of the posts below look promising, but I have a fear that the majority of this week will consist of the following type of replies:

Someone will say: ‘Look at this fucking AWESOME massive burger / steak / burrito’ and be hammered by people bleating either: ‘meat is murder’ or, more simply, ‘that looks gash you semi-human spacktard’

Then you’ll get people saying: ‘Woot! check out my prolapse-inducing lentil / fava bean / Quorn casserole’ and they will promptly be ‘outed’ as they're obviously limp-wristed for not embracing the bacon sarnie like ‘normal’ people.

Then you’ll get the ones saying: ‘Raahhh-therrrrr! I must proclaim that the Masa toro with caviar is exquisite what what!’, which will cue a backlash in potentially equal measure to the ones who say ‘Tesco value choc-ices RUUUUULE!’

This is judgment week. I really hope that people can create something inventive. Perhaps a photo of a massive cock-shaped turnip that somebody has added food-additives to, to make it magenta, with added mayo spurts?

My hopes aren’t high though. I make a pretty good seafood bisque but I'm more than aware that nobody cares.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 27 Jun 2013, 14:39, 10 replies)

A few years back, especially for B3ta, I made a meatenburg cake.


( riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 13:47, 19 replies)

I'm a vegetarian
There is no 'best thing'
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 13:46, 5 replies)

I was worried that I might be getting fat,
so now I only put guns on my toast.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 13:43, Reply)

Boiled pulses in a richly seasoned tomato sauce, served over a sliver of fresh farmhouse loaf that has been lightly warmed through and crisped, then smothered in creamed butter.

Not just any beans on toast.

M&S beans on toast.
( Muns, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 13:39, Reply)

Love Tempeh
It's a long process to prepare fresh tempeh and you need the right heat and humidity but when you get it correct you get tasty tasty Tempeh as a base for other dishes.

I'm currently making Tempeh Rendang.
(Uncle Albert, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 13:36, Reply)

The souls of the children give me strength.
A bowl of All Bran keeps me regular.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 13:35, Reply)

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 13:27, 6 replies)

I had an 8-course menu at Michelin-starred one-armed 'celebrity' chef Michael Caines' place in Devon once.
His food is over-seasoned* and really rather poor.


Not a lot of people know that.


*afterwards I spewed up all over the croquet lawn. I am a class act.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 13:26, 7 replies)

What?
No photos of someone's mum yet?
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 13:22, 4 replies)

4 mushroom chicken
Enoki, shiitake, oyster and button mushrooms all fried up in a wok with chicken, chicken stock, chinese leaf, sesame oil and oyster sauce.

Nice.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 13:19, Reply)

I Fucking Love BBQ Food.....
Best things ever cooked must be....

A Bacon Bomb, (Bacon, onion and peppers wrapped in sausage meat and wrapped in bacon)


Burgers (100% beef mince)


Pig Wings (Pork Loin steaks, about 1 inch wide wrapped in streaky bacon with a kick ass dry rub)


Dinosaur Ribs (Beef ribs with a side of 'slaw))

(Lip Up Fatty Fatty Reggae still loves BBQ food on, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 13:18, 15 replies)

Send us the best thing you've ever eaten?
Scaryduck = Gillian McKeith?
( Muns, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 13:04, Reply)

Isn't this like strolling in to a weight watchers meeting and asking if anybody likes cake?
/ac
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 12:54, Reply)

At a little place I know
- Squid ravioli in a lemon grass broth with goat cheese profiteroles
- Arugula Caesar salad
- Swordfish meat loaf with onion marmalade
- Rare roasted partridge breast in raspberry coulis with a sorrel timbale
- Grilled free-range rabbit with herb french fries

Still, it's murder getting a table.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 12:46, 13 replies)

Best burger I've ever eaten
The Colossus burger from Ketchup in Glasgow. 1lb of damn good quality beef.



Magnificent.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 12:44, 19 replies)

Pussy

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 12:42, 4 replies)

i can show you the best thing i've eaten?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 12:35, 1 reply)

Please sir, can I have seconds?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 12:31, Reply)

Yay! Lunch Thread!

( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 12:30, 2 replies)