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This is a question Yum!

Tell us / show us / send us the best thing you've ever cooked or had cooked for you. Even if it is a £10 burger.

Or knock yourself out and tell us knock-knock jokes. Just make them funny and about sheds

(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 12:29)
Pages: Popular, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

This question is now closed.

Apologies to oneinthepink poster.
Knock knock

Who's there?

You'll never guess.

Your name is Totach, you are from Isreal (sic).

Oh, poo.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:49, 5 replies)
Knock Knock
Sorry to disturb you, sir, but someone appears to have left a booby-trapped sheep carcass on your doorstep.
Really? Are you sure?
Quite positive, I'm afraid.
Well, thanks for alerting me. I suppose I'll call the council or the police or something, see if I can get rid of it. Who are you anyway?
All I'm allowed to tell you is that I represent the Catholic Guilt-Ridden Sheep-Bombers' Association. Have a nice day.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:44, Reply)
Knock knock

Fuck off, Totach.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:40, 1 reply)
Knock knock
Who's there?
RIP Mort
RIP Mort who?
RIP Morten Harket (4 eva in R-ha)
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:40, 1 reply)
Knock knock.
Who's there?

A cow.

A cow who?


(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:37, 1 reply)
Knock Knees
Who's that?
Swipey who?
Swipey with the knock knees
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:37, 2 replies)
Knock Knock
Anne Frank: Who's there.... oh... fuck...
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:36, 1 reply)
Qui est là ?
Françoise qui?
Françoise better œuf under ze Germans.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:34, 1 reply)
Knoak Knoak
who's there?
the english bloke from 'Allo 'Allo
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:25, Reply)

(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:24, 1 reply)

Knock knock
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:21, Reply)
Knock knock
Who's there?

The gestapo Miss Frank, now open ze door!
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:20, Reply)
Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock KnockKnock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock
Who's there?

Meg White.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:10, 3 replies)
Knock, knock.
Why the long face?
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:08, Reply)

(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:05, 4 replies)
Knock knock.
Who's there?

The police.

Oh, I love Sting.

Madam your husband and children are dead.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:03, Reply)
Don't ever eat frozen quiche.
Not only is quiche the foodstuff of gays, I've been doing some properly rancid, room-clearing farts today.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 16:00, 4 replies)
Kock Kock
Who's there?

(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:54, 2 replies)
knock knock
Who's there

The Gestapo

Oh, come in lads, you're late, we were about to start dinner without you.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:53, Reply)
Fine Dining
Way back when, I was working in italy of all places. In Rome even, go me!

Anyway, it was December 31st, 1999, and Germanwife and I were going out to the NATO college end of year do. We arrived at 1900, her in a rather nice dress, me in a local suit, and both quite ravening for the multi-course meal promised for 2000 hours.

Little did we know what was to follow. It was not a three- or five- courser, and not a standadr meal, but one of the Italian it's-not-eating-it's-socializing affairs. I don't remember the exact courses, but it went something like this: (10 minutes per course, 10-15 minutes of dancing and speeches and stuff in between):

1) One single thin cut of veal on white bread. Interesting, not my thing. Two bites.
2) A Salad involving olives. Five bites of mostly air.
3) Another salad, this one involving bell peppers and rice. A bit shit. Three bites.
4) Spaghetti with a choice of sauces. Chose Aglio e Olio. Was nice. Four bites.
5) Zampone. Kind of like meat loaf, but stuffed in a hollowed-out pig's foot. V. nice, wife grossed out. Two portions, three bites each.
6) Roast Beef type thing in a red wine sauce. Magnificent. Four bites.

It continued in this way for 21 courses, until 0300.

The first thing we did after, even before going home? Bought a fuckoff-sized pizza with mushrooms, ham, and salami.

Cost of official dinner type thing: About 300 pounds, half for us, half for the German government. Effect of official dinner thing: Magnum bottle of Veuve Cliquot to take home (Dancing competition, we came in third), and a feeling of hunger that steadily climbed to locust levels.
Cost of pizza: About 15 pounds. Effect: A feeling of divine calm as we wallowed in grease dripping from the huge slices.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:50, 6 replies)
Knock Knock
Who's there?

Battered. Your door bell is too high.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:49, Reply)
Knock knock
Who's there


Ringofyre who?

ringofyre the bloke who's totally trolling all you horrible trolls who're posting on this website in a manner I disapprove of and keep mentioning the fact that I'm a member of several dating websites despite being happily married and over fifty and fat and actually I don't care what you're saying about me because yu're all horrid trolls and anyway how come no-one ever says anything about me any more you horrible horrible trolls. There I just totally upset you there.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:49, 1 reply)

New Zealand traditional burgers. Epic.
nuff sed.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
B3TA who?
Sigh.. Noob.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:48, 2 replies)
knock knock
Who's there?


Shhhh, lie on the floor and pretend we're out! Hopefully the creepy prick'll fuck off.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:46, Reply)
Knock knock!
Let yourself in round the back, I'm in the shed.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:46, 2 replies)
knock knock
who's there?
thermos who?
thermos be a better question than this?
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:45, Reply)
Twice on the door means you ain't gonna ring.

(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:43, Reply)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Nobel who?
Nobel prize for anyone who can tell an amusing story based around 'what have you had for lunch'?'
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:42, Reply)
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Oscar who?
Oscar shit question and get a bunch of knock knock jokes instead of answers.
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:40, Reply)
Knock! knock!
Who's there?
It's the little old man
The little old man who?
It's the little old man who can't reach the doorbell
(, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 15:39, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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