So many signs that I'm rapidly heading towards middle age.
Firstly, I do not understand the music and stylings of Jessie J what so ever. Sure, she is a pretty girl but what the flying sweaty arse biscuits is she wearing half the time? Her music sounds like seals mating against a backdrop of diorreah dropping in to a bucket - yet the young folk seem to love it.
Reality TV is utter drivel on the whole. I'd sooner watch strictly come dancing than x factor any day.
I frequently find myself saying "I wouldn't let a daughter of mine leave the house wearing that".
Sitting down is probably my favourite hobby and I'm appalled at the thought of going out past midnight. I resent clubs as I like to be able to sit down and have a nice conversation.
Men (and I'm really sorry about this one as I know it may offend) who have long hair in to their middle age now irritate the shit out of me.
Going shopping holds no pleasure anymore as I spend my time seething at the rudeness of others - space invaders in particular.
All my mates are now married and having kids.
Text speak makes me tut. The perculiar mock ghetto speak many teens appear to have adopted is excruciating to listen to. I also can't stand watching them pet each other in public.
I get angry about pretty much everything now as a 'tax payer'.
I want to beat to death anyone who plays music out loud on their mobile phones - especially on public transport. Littering, dog fouling and graffiti boils my piss. I enjoy watching the scum doing community payback in the park opposite where I live - gives me immense satisfaction.
I've taken up knitting as a means to relieve stress.
Every birthday I have now i just end up mumbling all day about being another year closer to the sweet release of death.

Just a few things that have made me feel old before my time. Oddly, I quite enjoy the bitterness and misery of it all and can't wait to be a rude old lady who gets away with saying what the hell I like. Honestly, I wouldnt be a teen again for all the tea in China.

Oh, and I now use old lady phrases like 'for all the tea in China''.


Edit: Just also realised that I'm now older than everyone on the sitcom Friends was. They seemed so old and sophisticated to me once.
(The Curse of Millhaven. Pretty little mouth underneath all the foaming, Thu 7 Jun 2012, 17:18, 4 replies)

I am obviously a level further down the ladder
as I have filed strictly come dancing in the same folder as x-factor and big brother. Anything that requires a phone vote or that people are required to pick favourites makes me want to throw my telly out the window. The forced pauses the presenters do during their vote results sections drives me mental. I bet that we'll be doing this in elections within a decade.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Thu 7 Jun 2012, 17:30, closed)

Your probably right.
Patrick fucking Keilty or Fearne twatting Cotton reading out the election results with emotional music in the background and a ticker tape shower.

Kill me now.
(The Curse of Millhaven. Pretty little mouth underneath all the foaming, Thu 7 Jun 2012, 17:32, closed)

Felt like this since my early twenties tbh.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 7 Jun 2012, 17:53, closed)

Me also.
I was born middle aged and grumpy.
(The Curse of Millhaven. Pretty little mouth underneath all the foaming, Thu 7 Jun 2012, 17:59, closed)

One of my favourite poems:
Warning - When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple
with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired
and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
and run my stick along the public railings
and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
and pick the flowers in other people's gardens
and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
and eat three pounds of sausages at a go
or only bread and pickles for a week
and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
and pay our rent and not swear in the street
and set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 7 Jun 2012, 17:37, closed)

Love that poem.
Cannot wait to be a miserable old cow... Oh wait...
(The Curse of Millhaven. Pretty little mouth underneath all the foaming, Thu 7 Jun 2012, 17:43, closed)

You get a click
Just for the phrase 'flying sweaty arse biscuits'
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 7 Jun 2012, 19:08, closed)

At least one thing separating me from young people:
I don't have to reach out to social injustice or global finance to get pissed off.
'Drive by one more time with you sub-woofer pounding and I'll give you some social injustice'
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Thu 7 Jun 2012, 19:12, closed)