floodlit shit

before anyone complains it was mrs spimf who suggested i post this

Many moons ago when mrs spimf and i were 'courting' as old people might say, we had a nice wee drive up the coast from Dundee where i was at University.

Anyway, we ended up at Broughty Ferry where we had a lovely day and decided to park on the seafront and watch the sunset. We found a gravel car park that basically meandered onto the sandy shore with no discernable boundary NB this is not a tide / car sinking tale.

I had a wee joint and got into that warm cosy, cant be arsed mode just as mrs spimf decided to wreak the moment with her now familiar plaintiff cry - 'I need to go for a wee'.

I had a quick glance around and saw there were 5 or 6 cars dotted around the car park behind us filed with likeminded couples, by now it was also proper dark so I suggested to mrs spimf she go al fresco. mrs spimf reluctantly whispered that it was 'not just a wee she needed'. I saw no real issue with this and said so - after she calmed down and smoothed her feathers she eventually agreed, but only on the basis i watch out for her - in case 'something happened' so we agreed she would go in front of the car in the dark and i would watch out for her 'safety' but not 'look' at her. i still dont understand that.

So there she is squatting down in front of the car carefully out of view of the other people parked further back.

It took a few seconds for me to rouse from my cannabis-induced stupor and realise the potential of the situation. I wriggled across into the drivers seat reversed back a few yards, while turning left, then flooded the crouching, shouting and gesticulating mrs spimf with the full beam for all to see.

She wasn’t happy. I laughed. A lot.

floodlit shit part deux

a few years back mrs spimf and i went camping in a lovely part of scotland. at the time she had a nancy looking little white toy poodle - to be fair the little fucker was as hard as nails and would have the hand off you at any opportunity but he was according to mrs spimf 'her little prince'. He only ever ate grilled chicken breast, pan fried liver (with a little dash of red wine naturally) or chocolate. He would walk on paths to avoid wet grass and would NEVER step in a puddle. i was also told that his toilet habits were ‘impeccable’.

After a day or so enjoying the Scottish scenery at our little campsite mrs spimf announced she need to go to the loo however being a girly girl she wanted me to drive half an hour or so to the nearest village so we could find a loo. Naturally I informed my dearest that she could shit behind a bush like any other normal person. After she calmed down and smoothed her feathers I handed her a bog roll.

She wasn’t happy.

Muttering threats she trudged off - presumably looking for a particularly floral bush.
She did however seem happier on her return though so the mood improved considerably – right up to the point she realised the dog was missing.

A quick inspection of the surrounding woods revealed ‘her little price’ behind a bush happily munching away on his beloved owners still warm shit.

It took even longer for me to stop laughing than it took her to clean the dirty little fucker up.

‘impeccable’ toilet habits. Pfft!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 13:56, 6 replies)

And she agreed to marry you?
:p
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 14:13, closed)

bastard.


aaaand, *click*.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 15:46, closed)

Chocolate ?
I thought it is poisonous to dogs ?
(Bitter and Twisted, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:05, closed)

not enough it would seem
he lived to be 17
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 17:16, closed)

It's poisonous to humans too;
our lethal dose is just higher (21lb of baker's chocolate is needed to kill a human with theobromine poisoning; you'd be better off clubbing said human to death with it).
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 18:40, closed)

Does theobromine taste good?

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 19:57, closed)