Knives are fun
I was on the phone to my Gran about a year ago, and she was telling me about a nasty cut she got on her hand while cutting some cheese. In great detail, and to my complete discomfort (as I do not like blood), she explained how much blood was dripping from her hand onto the floor and how she had managed to wrap a teatowel round the wound as a temporary bandage.

Now, my Gran's not too quick on her feet (I'm ninety-two, you know), so she explained how she shuffled through to the bathroom with her zimmer frame to get the plasters, and how she had to clean the wound, and all the trouble of getting a plaster on before the bleeding finally stopped. I sat patiently and sympathetically listening to my poor old Gran's tale. All in, she reckons, the whole traumatic episode took about half-an-hour between her cutting herself and finally getting the plaster in place. Old age is a bitch.

Finally, she cleaned herself up and shuffled slowly though to the kitchen again, where the bloody knife was still sitting. She slowly took the knife over to the sink and gave it a good wash, then zimmered back to the cheeseboard, knife in hand. She positioned herself in front of the cheeseboard, picked the knife up, then promptly dropped it, pointy tip downwards, into her foot.

At this point, I burst out laughing and struggled to speak. Fortunately my Gran is a bit deaf, and did not hear the strangled guffawing at my end. She then explained how she had to shuffle back though to the bathroom, with a sharp knife protruding from her foot, trying not to bump it with her zimmer frame as she inched her way forward. By the time I got off the phone, I was crying with laughter. I am going to hell.
(eukaryote, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 21:00, 5 replies)

If I'm completely honest
I guffawed with laughter at exactly the same point in your tale as you did.

Priceless!
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 21:43, closed)

As did I :)

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 0:00, closed)

^pretty much this

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 0:14, closed)

Your gran
cut the cheese.
(WillF http://www.flickr.com/photos/silverfischdotnet/, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 3:52, closed)

*Click*
I just laughed tea up my nose, damn you!
(Roddimus_Prime Should be revising, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:35, closed)