Goodbye, cruel world...
For those of you who know who I am…this is personality suicide.

I used to be scared of the testcard. (you know, the girl with the clown and the blackboard…I mean, just what the blithering bitch-tits was that all about?) Also, I say ‘used to be scared’; to be honest, I still am a bit shuddersville when I see it. My brother says I was scared of the Phantom-flan-flinger from Tiswas. I wasn’t, really I wasn’t, but the testcard….fuck-a-doodle-do!

Aged about 7 years old, I once held someone’s arms behind their back whilst someone else punched them. The lad concerned was a gobshite, but it’s still unforgivable and I hate myself for doing it.

I am in inner turmoil about actually finding out what Rachelswipe looks like…I mean, do I spoil my imaginary picture? Let's face it, we've all got pretty high expectations of her? Would I be disappointed? Oh, the conflict! I suppose I shouldn't worry, I prob won't get to see her anyway!

I like crap pop music waaay more than I should. I have been respectfully and quite successfully writing / performing everything from rock to grunge to indie etc for years but……..I just don’t think Led Zeppelin are any good…and I think ‘Caught in the middle’ by A1 is fucking brilliant! (Oh the shame)

People think I’m clever…I’m not. I get asked my opinions and advice on a regular basis on every issue imaginable and always just seem to blag my way out of situations with rambling bullshit which people eat up because they're glad somebody is pretending to listen.

I have a thing for ‘curvy’ girls. Stick thin ‘model types’ simply fail to pump my nads. Don’t get me wrong, bloaters are not on the pooflake menu, but a little meat is reet neat. Then again, I would gladly like to give each member of Girls Aloud (even the Ginger one) the best 24.7 seconds of their lives.

Speaking of attractiveness, waitress / secretary outfits (the old black skirt / white blouse thing) when worn by the above (and I mean girls, not Led Zeppelin or A1) seriously float my boat. Mmm grrr etc.

I have stolen a lot more than the average person…I just seem to get away with it all the time. A smiley personality gets you loads of free stuff

Sorry for dragging this up, but I have shagged a best mate’s girlfriend in my mum & dad’s bathroom while he was in my bedroom next door. Afterwards, she cried rape and it meant quite a poo-chute of trouble. Here’s the weird bit - She apologised to me and admitted her lie to her boyfriend. He promptly forgave us both, then used to bring her round my house, set up a ‘fake argument’ and abandon her at my house, upon which his girlfriend and I would rumpy, and indeed pumpy, like rabbits on Dextrosol. He never asked any questions, so that's how it qualifies as a guilty secret. She was very attractive too (rswipe, if you look like she did, I’ll be v.happy!)

Another girl and I had a kind of mutual attraction thing for years but we were always seeing other people. We bumped into each other years later when I was single, and we went for a drink. She then said that she had set up the whole ‘bump into’ thing because she wanted to shag the arse off me. 'Get in there', I thought, and carried on drinking. Unfortunately, when we went back to her house I spent the entire night trying to get my cock to raise to any size bigger than a button mushroom. I failed. I think the phrase is ‘trying to play snooker with a piece of string’. I haven’t seen her since but I told everybody that I nailed her.

I am also addicted to posting christ-on-a-bike lengthy posts on B3ta (not a secret I admit, in fact, pretty bleeding obvious!)

Ps. (Don’t click ‘I like this’ I just want to forget about this post as soon as it’s on)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 5 Sep 2007, 13:19, Reply)