Eeeeeeeek
A friend of mine moved into a room in a shared house. Suffering an excess of curiosity, he decided to explore the loft.

He found, in amongst his landlords' cutesy family albums and keepsakes, a black bin-liner full of the most eye-wateringly violent S&M porn known to mankind. Treasure? Only you can decide......
(Speculum, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 14:36, Reply)

Cash
I put a fresh pair of jeans, that had just been washed, on straight from the cupboard. I then went to my mate's hous to play a few PS2 games with him and as I was reaching for my ringing phone I found a fiver in my pocket. This caused me to search for more cash, overall I had about £40 in my pockets, RESULT!
(I R Advertiser How can you live like this you're out of control?, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 14:10, Reply)

Credit Card
The other day I found my credit card in the freezer.

How it got there, I have no idea, but it's treasure because I found it before i realised it was lost and had it cancelled!
(Mogg Questioned her own sanity on, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 13:40, Reply)

Hotel Porn
We all know hotel porn is the best find ever and I have a pretty good success ratio. This cumulated in being in a hotel in London with my wife, whereby she was staring at me frantically searching the hotel room.

"What are you doing?"
"Looking for porn."
"Oh come on, what's the chances of someone leaving a porn mag in here?"

At which point I magically produced a mint copy of Fiesta from underneath the drawers. After several minutes of parading about going "HAHAHA!!" I disappeared into the bathroom with a smug look on my face. Even though I was offered sex, it 'defeated the point of finding it' clearly.
(kna has forgotten everything., Mon 4 Jul 2005, 13:12, Reply)

Hmmmmmm ok.....
I once found that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

I've since found that this is complete bollox because, just the same as us, horses need at least 3 litres of water per day to sustain the healthy life we/they are acustom to.

Bla bla bla
(Mapper, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 12:32, Reply)

this one time...
I found a reply that wasn't some smart-arsed answer about ice-cream vans and wanking that wasn't even an "in-joke" the first FIVE TIMES YOU DID IT.

oh, and it didn't end in some pathetic joke about length/girth/your mum either. quite a rarity, I think you'll agree.
(not_real had his name thieved, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 11:32, Reply)

Treasure or drunken theft?
In first year of university, a mate and I spotted a bathtub in a skip on the way back from the pub, when we were drunk as lords.

The drunken mind is a wonderful thing, and as we looked at this decaying, rusting piece of someone elses waste we thought "Looks like fun!" and carried the big white bastard to the halls of residence.

We left the tub in the drying room of the girls floor below us. They thought we'd stolen one of their tubs, we laughed; they said they'd call the warden, we scarpered and dumped the tub in the courtyard. All three floors on our block proceeded to pelt the tub with the condiments from the communal fridges, go out on the lash and then come back and piss in the bastard thing.

However, the cleaner had recently issued an ultimatum concerning the abysmal state of our floor and since she'd already broken down once, we had to move the tub before the next morning or we would surely feel her wrath.

So four of us donned surgical gloves (thankyou medics) and carried out the white enamel filth pit that was the latest incarnation of the bath. Interestingly, our search to find a place to dump this odorous cargo led us into a veritable treasure trove of rusty bikes, other baths and numerous sundries which the caretakers had been too lazy to dispose of properly and which scally kids had dumped on site.

Ahh... the memories...

I think thats enough length and girth to be pleasurable...
(sancho, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 10:53, Reply)

My 18 month old daughter
Found an interesting brown thing in her nappie (daiper) so attempted to eat it. Cue me diving accross the room to stop her and her big sister running around for the rest of the day telling everyone this, includeing her teacher at school.
(Mookfish, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 10:30, Reply)

Hidden Bounty
I once found a womans clitoris.

Ba dum tish!

"I'll be here all week, try the veal!"

/sorry about that.
(matflat, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 10:08, Reply)

Not funny, just rather coincidental
My mother had recently come into possession of some drinking glasses, the rather (once) popular "Whitehall" pattern in peach. Well, I had never seen these glasses in peach before, just clear, amber, and green. She asked me if I would keep an eye out for a matching pitcher, and I said I would, although we both knew it was very unlikely and said as much. This was, after all, in the days before Ebay.

A month or so later, my sister and her husband were moving into a new house, and several members of both families were at the house helping to get it ready to move into. My sister, my mother, my brother-in-law's cousin , and I were all working in the kitchen. For some reason, everyone left the room about the same time, except for me. I was making sure all the cabinets were empty, since I was the tallest of the group. I reached into one cabinet, felt around, and pulled out the exact kind of pitcher my mother was looking for. My sister didn't want it, and we couldn't contact the former owners, so my mother got it. She paraded the thing around like a trophy...
(meeezalch, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 8:13, Reply)

I used to work in a hospital in a remote part of Kenya.
I went for a walk one lovely sunny afternoon, and followed a barely-there footpath through the lush green equatorial undergrowth. I tripped on something, and looking down I saw it was a fragment of bone. That didn't seem at all out of the ordinary, because stray dogs often leave scraps lying around, so I thought nothing more of it and continued. Before long I discovered another piece of bone, bigger, and looking suspiciously like the end of a human tibia. "Hmmm" I thought, and continued. Rounding the next corner I saw something that made me stop in my tracks: there in front of me, in the middle of the path, looking right at me, was a skull. A real, human, muddy, dead skull. It was at this point that I noticed a smell. If you've smelt rotting flesh before you'll know it is a very distinctive smell, one you'll never forget. Now I was faced with a dilemma (and a skull, but you already know that). Should I go on and discover something worse, or get the hell out of there? I went on. Around the next corner I found where all the bits of skeleton was coming from. In a small clearing there were rows of shallow trenches, some empty, some filled in but showing obvious signs of being dug up by wild dogs. Bones were scattered everywhere. The stench was terrible. There must have been dozens of people buried there, possibly a hundred. I was worried that I had discovered evidence of some genocidal atrocity. I hurried back to the hospital and told the boss doctor all about my discovery. He explained to me the sad truth: it was the hospital's burial ground, where dead patients ended up if no families came to claim their bodies. Apparently people have to buy a license to transport and bury their relative in Kenya, and if they can't afford the transport-a-dead-body license they simply don't collect the body and leave it for the hospital to deal with. My sunny stroll had not been as pleasant as I'd hoped, but I still have a very good photo of the skull. Maybe I'll scan it and post it some time.
( Purple Martin is board sigless, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 6:47, Reply)

Not so much a treasure found but a treasure given away
I must have been about 21, fresh from Uni, my childhood something to forget I ever went through.
On returning home, my Mum demanded I have a clear out, so I decided to part with my entire Star Wars collection of figures, the milennium falcon, Bobba Fett's slave one, a Darth Vader helmet figure holder from the states that I got as a returned-from-holiday present, a ridiculous amount of crap. I decided to pass them on to my step-nephew as a charitable gesture. Truth be told, I couldn't bear to give them all away (this was in pre-eBay days, and pre-episodes 1-3 euphoria) so this was the next best thing, passing everything on to a younger relation for him to enjoy.

I next saw him about a year later so I casually enquired as to how he was getting on with the toys. "Oh, we threw them all away" came his refreshingly honest early-teenager reply. Limited edition figures, Yoda's dagobah system, it would be worth a fortune if the cunt didn't bin it all.

That was nearly ten years ago and it still pains me to recall it. Moral: fuck charity.
(Boris Webshite, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 3:18, Reply)

Australian TV hostess...
...moved into a house in a "nice" Brisbane suburb in 1988 and looking through the attic unearthed a collection of vinyl LPs.
Pretty ordinairy really except that they were all by a well known (in his time) Australian musician and all signed with a message to a well known TV hostess. There was also a small collection of mildly amorous love letters.

A neighbour told me that the TV hostess had owned our house in the early 70s so we contacted Channel 9 and she contacted us.
We met and gave everything back - she thought she had lost them in the great flood of 1974 and was well pleased to get them back.
"Sentimental value I guess?" I asked her. "Oh no" she replied "the albums are worth a fortune as he never gave autographs. I'll probably sell them".

Nice reward for me of $zero and learning how honesty doesn't pay.
I reckon I could have made a few bucks selling the love letters to the gossip mags too.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 2:20, Reply)

Cave Balls
The four of us had nearly finished scrambling through a New Mexico cave when we came across a clear pool blocking our path: we were forced to wade to the exit. We noticed the bottom of the pool was littered with numerous white balls.

The mystery began to gnaw on us: what were these ghostly, golfball-like spheres? We touched one ball, and the white coating suddenly popped and drifted away, leaving a central mudball-like core with what appeared to be little sticks poking out. In the flickering light, we could see there was some kind of strange gas streaming away from the mudball, which just deepened the mystery. We combined our brainpower to decipher the mudball's mystery.

It took a long, long time, passing the mudball back and forth from hand to hand, sniffing the gas, and reaching into the waters to gather other popping mudballs, to finally realize that THIS is what ultimately happens to bats that die and fall into limpid cave waters.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 0:40, Reply)

78s
as one of my summer jobs as a teenager i worked for a cleaning company in the nearby town. one of the jobs i was asked to do was to clear out the house that belonged to a recently deceased old lady who lived just up the road from my house. in itself, this was a good thing as i didn't have to fanny about with arranging a lift into town and could even have a bit of a lie-in.

anyway, we'd pretty much cleared the whole house out and scrubbed the years' worth of built-up filth she'd managed to accumulate when i noticed a little room tucked away upstairs that i'd missed. inside was a big old trunk which turned out to be full of classical shellac 78s in collectors' binders from the ear. as a spotty youth without a turntable i decided to sell them and got thirty quid from a guy who answered my diamond free ad.

having since become a vinyl nut, i'm kicking myself. still, thirty quid at that age was a decent amount of cash. fingers crossed that i'll discover a similar stash again now that i've learned enough to appreciate it.

your mum seemed quite happy with my length last night.
(steveeeee, Sun 3 Jul 2005, 23:36, Reply)

oo, I just remembered...not exactly treasure though....but I found it!!
I was walking my dogs once on the farm where I live (no animals now, just fields, buildings and mud) and by the barn, I found a little kitten! Great, except this 'kitten', despite having still-closed eyes, really short, foofy hair and displaying other very young kitty traits, it was the size of a small dog. I backed away slowly, for fear of 'mummy' returning....a few weeks after finding the monster kitty, I was walking the dogs again by the barn, and saw what looked like a big spine...looked like a sheep. I had images of a massize black wild cat thing dragging a sheep home to the barn from the fields of sheep opposite.....I don't go down there any more. This was a while ago now, during which time there were a lot of articles on the paper and on local TV news about "The Black Cat of the Midlands" (or words to that effect), all about people who had video footage/photos of this big black jaguar-type creature. Apparently if I'd taken a photo of the thing, I could have sold it for quite a bit..... *kicks self*
(Ryuken-Kai, Sun 3 Jul 2005, 23:36, Reply)

i was at reading fest, and...
sitting about on a very cold night waiting for someone to play some music. so we made a little fire out of all the little bits of paper...and i picked one up, just about to chuck it in the fire, when i suddenly realise it's a tenner. Woo! run to bar, only to discover it's a fake tenner, reading 'Banksy of England' and 'I promise to pay the bearer on demand the ultimate price' (anyopne ever seen one?). trudge back to fire, sad and cold. looking for more paper, when - twenty pounds!! run to bar, it's real, buy drinks, freeze. worth it though. made my day.
AICMTP
(tickles, Sun 3 Jul 2005, 21:59, Reply)

hidden in plain view
i was at a rather dull gig once, and was sat on the floor by the wall while we waited for the next band to come on.
while sitting, i kept staring at a scrap of paper on the floor (as you do when having nothing in particular to watch). after about 15 minutes my friend says "oh, there's a tenner!", and promptly picks up the 'scrap' of paper.
damn my eyes for being short-sighted, and damn my friend for being such a tight bastard that he didn't even buy me a drink, even though he knew i'd been watching that tenner for ages.
(moik, Sun 3 Jul 2005, 21:16, Reply)

beer!
went to v fest last year with a few mates (nowhere near as good as glastonbury, but then what is?). woke up on the monday morning, and the tents of the last night have swiftly vanished. not 6 feet from our tents was a KEG of stella, plus assorted unopened cans of otehr beers. some muppet had left it all sitting in the middle of the field. it wasnt exactly hidden, but it was free.

unfortuantly, we were all hungover and the last thing we wanted to see was beer. so we poured it away. all 8 litres of it. it haunts me still...

oh and i found £20 on a bus home once

1st post!huzzah!
(davethefoolishone, Sun 3 Jul 2005, 20:53, Reply)

Six fighter aircraft
Back in 1997, a friend and myself went to stay on his parent's land to help them put in the foundations for a house they were (and still are) building. This land was near RAF Shawbury in Shropshire.

As thanks for digging about two tonnes of earth during the day, my mate and I were given some beers. Once these beers were dispatched, our drunken logic told us it would be a good idea to check out an abandoned aircraft hanger in a field next to the air base. I seem to remember 'the ultimate party venue' came into our minds.

After 'accidently' breaking a padlock with a handy iron bar to effect entry, we realised the hanger was not so abandoned. There were half a dozen fighter planes stood inside, with UN markings on them. I can only assumed they were some mothballed reserve wing.

Realising that this would be laughed at by our mates without proof, we vigorously debated lifting an ejection seat which was lying next to one of the planes. Figuring it to be too big to hide, we settled for a nice piece of piping, which looked like it was made of titanium. My mate's dad saw it the next day and said 'is that off an aircraft? It looks avionic to me?'. Luckily we got away with it, but his perception was uncanny.

I was right about an aircraft hanger being a good place for a party, as it's amazing how cavernous they are inside, especially in the dead of night when you've had a few.
(Bizarrity, Sun 3 Jul 2005, 20:47, Reply)

treasure indeed !
one day, long ago whilst walking down the street with a friend, we find a plastic bag in the middle of the sidewalk, full of what looked to be poo.after much debate over who was to open, said friend finally did only to find a HUGE block of hash wrapped inside. being the upstanding citizens we were , we proceeded to the nearest police station and handed it in. hahahahahhaa right. cue a night of dropping HUGE bits of hash into the oven, waiting for it to fill with smoke, and four or five of us sticking our heads in. a friend actually passed out and the house reeked of our glorious discovery for weeks after. joy. at least for a few days.

*EDIT* i still to this day get excited when i see trash on the street.
(goorf, Sun 3 Jul 2005, 20:15, Reply)

Little mouse
When I was 11, in a sand pile I was digging through once, I found two dead mice in a Flora tub. I think they were wrapped up in Winnie the Pooh kitchen roll.

I then remembered that about a year earlier I had buried this tub because my sister told me that if I got a complete mouse skeleton, then it would be worth £500.

She still laughs about it now, and I can't remember if I washed my hands after picking up these mice or not...

(first post, please forgive me)
(piffpuffpickle, Sun 3 Jul 2005, 20:02, Reply)

one time a few years back I did some temp work in the tesco warehouse in belfast
I was working in this office that was also used by some of the drivers on nightshift.
it had polystyrene cieling tiles and some sixth sense (or possibly boredom) led me to climb on the desk and lift up one of the tiles to see what was between the tiles and the real cieling, and lo! what a haul I found
a tin of tomato soup and a dozen porn mags
YAY!
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Sun 3 Jul 2005, 19:38, Reply)

possibly a military spying type thing??
a few years ago I could hear a rattling noise in my head, now i know what you're thinking and no it wansnt my brain, anyhoo i could feel something loose in my ear so after much digging i managed to pull out this mass of greeny waxy stuff, i cracked it open and found this small plastic thing inside, i phoned my doctor and he said not to worry it was probably a gromit that would have been put in when i was younger to help me hear but then he said...but you have never had gromits... wwwwwwooooooaaaaahhhhhh
i think the government had been using me to spy and stuff, it would explain why i assasinated all those world leaders oh well
no apologies... the fbi may be listening
(monstermunchqueen a queen for the people, by the people, Sun 3 Jul 2005, 18:04, Reply)

treasure I'm too scared to discover
Apparently, there's a couple of those big wooden carved mask things in our (very small) attic, (as well as lots of bugs, dust and a pre-war tent) that my parents bought in the 70's. I really want them as they sound quite cool, and in my mind I've exaggerated them to the size of that massive wooden thing that Mr. Burns buys the Simpsons in the one where Bart gets run over....though they are probably the size of a shoebox or summat crap. However, the discovery of these would involve climbing into the attic, and as I am shit-scared of spiders, beetles and other assorted crawling things, this would not be a good move, considering the way my dad has described the attic to me....maybe he's trying to scare me away.....hmm.
I haven't actually found anything that amazing, just the usual broken bottle/obviously-worth-millions discovery or broken bottles and crap like that as a small child, which is surprising as i used to spend loads of time at my nans/aunts (very) old house, which had a big garden with a sort of small forest at the bottom, and some old and dessicated sheds, with grimy windows and holes in the doors.....it was a bit creepy actually. If my (great)aunt and uncle hadn't kicked it, I could go there and have a rummage around now.....bollocks. And if I did, I bet I'd find stuff worth...ooh, millions.......
NO APOLOGIES, EVER
(Ryuken-Kai, Sun 3 Jul 2005, 17:56, Reply)

2 days ago...
I was feeding my cat, as you do. And in the cat food i found a beak. A tiny little beak.

Which was odd. And to make it more odd, it was chicken cat food...and the beak looked like a ducks beak. I'm hoping it was from a baby platypus.
(Joesus, Sun 3 Jul 2005, 17:42, Reply)

Not me but
My best friend's second cousins ex-roommate's chiropodist’s adopted Pilipino sister's pet goldfish’s former owner's great great granny...

Okay, my ex-girlfriend's dad found some interesting buried treasure shortly after moving into a nice old country house. Realising there should be a cupboard or at least a space under the stairs; he tore away at the wallpaper to discover a door. Beyond the door was steps, which led to a cellar what was probably several hundred years old (there was an external window a fair way below ground level) The cellar wasn't a cellar, it was an old house that had been built on. The cellar had a spring running through it and was about two foot deep of water. Realising he was directly under the living room, he looked up.

They then spent the next several weeks living in the dining room while the non-existent floor was being replaced, as pretty much the only thing that stopped them falling through the floor to the cellar was the carpet.

It’s now full of homebrew wine and booze.
( nnnndave, Sun 3 Jul 2005, 17:09, Reply)

in the attic
we used to have loads and loads of junk that had obviously accumulated since the house was bought some thirty-five years back by my dad. having five kids leaves quite a lot of stuff behind, as you might well imagine. one day, mum decides it's high time everything was got rid of, so we went on a bit of an exploration up in the attic. as well as the heaps of toy soldiers, strange clothing, sports equipment and other miscellaneous items was a giant machete (ive never heard of a small machete, but this one was massive).

turns out it had once been my eldest brother's and he'd needed it for a trip he made to some jungle somewhere and had brought it back and forgotten about it. shame it was rusted up and shame that mum saw fit to turn it over to the police.

so much for that then. when i was in berlin last year tho we did leave the german porn we bought under the mattress of the upper bunk bed, so the next occupants of the room would stare up from beneath and in their delight find some dirty deutsche gals. :D
(zenmeban thinks the weather could be better, Sun 3 Jul 2005, 17:05, Reply)