Why do dogs lick their balls?
Because they can!
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Sun 5 Apr 2020, 0:39, Reply)

A virus walks into a bar
The barman looks at it and asks
"What are you, and how did you get here?"
The virus replies
"Flu"
The obvious problem with this is that it relies on you hearing it without having heard one of the possible spellings. I'm so, so
and so is my joke.
( blyerkit e k trilby, Sat 4 Apr 2020, 1:48, Reply)

Why can't you run through a campground?
You can only ever have ran because it's past tense...
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Tue 31 Mar 2020, 22:29, 1 reply, 4 years ago)

What do you call a girl who's light?
Deepika.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 31 Mar 2020, 0:25, Reply)

Not bad so no apologies.
3 hookers walk into a bar

the 1st one says "My pussy's so big the John I fucked last night could fit his whole fist up me!"

the second one say "My cunt is so big the guy my pimp brought me last night managed to fit both his feet in me & wiggled his toes!"

the third one smiled, sat on the barstool, opened her legs and slid down to the floor...
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Mon 30 Mar 2020, 20:24, 3 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

Dry cough = Indicator of corona
= Inhaling bits of cookie because of no tea
(Pootin xxx poot introitin!, Sun 29 Mar 2020, 22:41, Reply)

what do you get if you sit on too many loo rolls
stockpiles
( thebear is thebear, Sat 21 Mar 2020, 10:27, 1 reply, 4 years ago)

Which celebrity is least likely to get coronavirus?
Handgelina Jolie...
(hellish, Wed 18 Mar 2020, 13:48, 1 reply, 4 years ago)

What is French electronic musician Jean-Michel Jarre's
favourite time of the day?
MIDI!
( monkeon schmonkeon, Sat 14 Mar 2020, 14:12, 1 reply, 4 years ago)

Why can't you use the Sun newspaper as toilet paper?
Because it's already full of shit.
( notoolsovernight you're all luvvly an' 'orrible, Thu 12 Mar 2020, 10:48, Reply)

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 at midday and 3 in the evening?
This flipping table I'm making, awful at carpentry.
( Brandy_Bumwinkle, Sat 7 Mar 2020, 19:13, 2 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

I haven't been able to stop singing old songs, first it was Frank Sinatra, then it was Andy Williams, then it was Tony Bennett, then it was Dean Martin, then it was Johnny Mathis. Weird, I went to see my doctor, he reckons I've got that croonervirus.
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 6 Mar 2020, 10:28, Reply)

Music to the woodsman's ear
Do-Ray-Mears-Fa-So-La-Ti-Do
(Moral Slang ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||, Tue 3 Mar 2020, 13:26, Reply)

My grandmother gave me a white liquid medicine to drink that made me forget I had a stomach ache.
It was milk of amnesia.
(WGCtrev, Sun 1 Mar 2020, 15:26, Reply)

Did you hear about the guy who got caught stealing from a monastery?
He got 12 monks.
(hiraeth SPACE £19.99. I say yer buy one yer get one free, Fri 28 Feb 2020, 20:09, Reply)

What happened when Thomas Fincke met a prostitute?
He got sucked off on a tangent.
( Brandy_Bumwinkle, Thu 27 Feb 2020, 19:56, Reply)

Wedding vs funeral
Weddings are basically just funerals with cake
(Mark Foster, Tue 25 Feb 2020, 15:34, 1 reply, 4 years ago)

How do you ask a llama for its name?
¿Cómo se llama, llama?
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 23 Feb 2020, 10:28, Reply)

A horse walks into a sheep. Sorry, bar

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 17 Feb 2020, 5:07, 3 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

A horse runs into a bar.
Breaks it's leg so they put a tent over it and shoot it.

Baby seal walks into a club.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 7 Feb 2020, 16:25, Reply)

A man walks into a bar
Cheers
( Cheers Cheers, Tue 4 Feb 2020, 22:22, Reply)

Why was Vanilla Ice arrested?
He played less than his best
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 4 Feb 2020, 2:57, 1 reply, 4 years ago)

Why do old assembly programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?

31 Oct is the same as 25 Dec.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Fri 31 Jan 2020, 8:33, Reply)

Not written, just found by archiologists
A bloke in t'pub actually said today "which runner has the smelliest feet?". Confused looks were met by the reply "Gorgonzola Budd". Confused looks continued by anyone under the age of whenever the Beano printed that in the '80s.
( The Trout of Doubt, Thu 30 Jan 2020, 1:58, 2 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

Q: Why do horses make snort noises?
A: Coz they need to Pee really badly, but you're watching! Turn your back! Walk away!
H: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that's better.
( gaijintendo Regular Member, Mon 27 Jan 2020, 18:48, Reply)

Did you hear about Kobe?
It's more expensive than Angus and Wagyu.
( gub~gub can't find the hummus, Mon 27 Jan 2020, 18:15, Reply)

What is Iron Man without his suit?
Stark naked.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 27 Jan 2020, 15:39, Reply)

I never drink water.
I've seen what it does to the underside of boats.
( fred zeppelin II: Electric Boogaloo, Thu 9 Jan 2020, 0:47, Reply)