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This is a question I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Challenge: write a joke. As simple joke with a setup and a punchline.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT - IGNORING THIS COULD RESULT IN BAN

* Don't steal jokes - write them
* Don't flood post
* Just don't be a dick ok?

So join in and write a bad joke and apologise for it.

Read Latest | Highest Voted

(, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 9:00)
Pages: Latest, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, ... 1

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Why do dogs lick their balls?
Because they can!
(, Sun 5 Apr 2020, 0:39, Reply)
A virus walks into a bar
The barman looks at it and asks
"What are you, and how did you get here?"
The virus replies
"Flu"
The obvious problem with this is that it relies on you hearing it without having heard one of the possible spellings. I'm so, so
and so is my joke.
(, Sat 4 Apr 2020, 1:48, Reply)
Why can't you run through a campground?
You can only ever have ran because it's past tense...
(, Tue 31 Mar 2020, 22:29, 1 reply, 1 year ago)
What do you call a girl who's light?
Deepika.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2020, 0:25, Reply)
Not bad so no apologies.
3 hookers walk into a bar

the 1st one says "My pussy's so big the John I fucked last night could fit his whole fist up me!"

the second one say "My cunt is so big the guy my pimp brought me last night managed to fit both his feet in me & wiggled his toes!"

the third one smiled, sat on the barstool, opened her legs and slid down to the floor...
(, Mon 30 Mar 2020, 20:24, 3 replies, latest was 1 year ago)
Dry cough = Indicator of corona
= Inhaling bits of cookie because of no tea
(, Sun 29 Mar 2020, 22:41, Reply)
what do you get if you sit on too many loo rolls
stockpiles
(, Sat 21 Mar 2020, 10:27, 1 reply, 1 year ago)
Which celebrity is least likely to get coronavirus?
Handgelina Jolie...
(, Wed 18 Mar 2020, 13:48, 1 reply, 1 year ago)
What is French electronic musician Jean-Michel Jarre's
favourite time of the day?
MIDI!
(, Sat 14 Mar 2020, 14:12, 1 reply, 1 year ago)
Why can't you use the Sun newspaper as toilet paper?
Because it's already full of shit.
(, Thu 12 Mar 2020, 10:48, Reply)
What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 at midday and 3 in the evening?
This flipping table I'm making, awful at carpentry.
(, Sat 7 Mar 2020, 19:13, 2 replies, latest was 2 years ago)

I haven't been able to stop singing old songs, first it was Frank Sinatra, then it was Andy Williams, then it was Tony Bennett, then it was Dean Martin, then it was Johnny Mathis. Weird, I went to see my doctor, he reckons I've got that croonervirus.
(, Fri 6 Mar 2020, 10:28, Reply)
Music to the woodsman's ear
Do-Ray-Mears-Fa-So-La-Ti-Do
(, Tue 3 Mar 2020, 13:26, Reply)
My grandmother gave me a white liquid medicine to drink that made me forget I had a stomach ache.
It was milk of amnesia.
(, Sun 1 Mar 2020, 15:26, Reply)
Did you hear about the guy who got caught stealing from a monastery?
He got 12 monks.
(, Fri 28 Feb 2020, 20:09, Reply)
What happened when Thomas Fincke met a prostitute?
He got sucked off on a tangent.
(, Thu 27 Feb 2020, 19:56, Reply)
Wedding vs funeral
Weddings are basically just funerals with cake
(, Tue 25 Feb 2020, 15:34, 1 reply, 2 years ago)
How do you ask a llama for its name?
¿Cómo se llama, llama?
(, Sun 23 Feb 2020, 10:28, Reply)
A horse walks into a sheep. Sorry, bar

(, Mon 17 Feb 2020, 5:07, 3 replies, latest was 1 year ago)
A horse runs into a bar.
Breaks it's leg so they put a tent over it and shoot it.

Baby seal walks into a club.
(, Fri 7 Feb 2020, 16:25, Reply)
A man walks into a bar
Cheers
(, Tue 4 Feb 2020, 22:22, Reply)
Why was Vanilla Ice arrested?
He played less than his best
(, Tue 4 Feb 2020, 2:57, 1 reply, 1 year ago)

Why do old assembly programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?

31 Oct is the same as 25 Dec.
(, Fri 31 Jan 2020, 8:33, Reply)
Not written, just found by archiologists
A bloke in t'pub actually said today "which runner has the smelliest feet?". Confused looks were met by the reply "Gorgonzola Budd". Confused looks continued by anyone under the age of whenever the Beano printed that in the '80s.
(, Thu 30 Jan 2020, 1:58, 2 replies, latest was 2 years ago)
Q: Why do horses make snort noises?
A: Coz they need to Pee really badly, but you're watching! Turn your back! Walk away!
H: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that's better.
(, Mon 27 Jan 2020, 18:48, Reply)
Did you hear about Kobe?
It's more expensive than Angus and Wagyu.
(, Mon 27 Jan 2020, 18:15, Reply)
What is Iron Man without his suit?
Stark naked.
(, Mon 27 Jan 2020, 15:39, Reply)
I never drink water.
I've seen what it does to the underside of boats.
(, Thu 9 Jan 2020, 0:47, Reply)

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