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This is a question Accidental innuendo

Freddy Woo writes, "A woman I used to work with once walked into a car workshop to get her windscreen replaced, and uttered the immortal line, "Have you seen the size of my crack?"

What innuendos have you accidentally walked into? Are you a 1970s Carry On film character?
Extra points for the inappropriateness of the context

(, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 12:05)
Pages: Latest, 37, 36, 35, 34, 33, ... 1

This question is now closed.

In before the buzzer!
Working in central London, occasionally one sees celebrities driving around in their flash cars. So it was the other day, when I came across the former Ultravox frontman sitting in a traffic jam in his Ferrari, with a non-Jewish insurance executive in the passenger seat.

Yup, there was an AXA gentile in Ure's Enzo.

*dons anti-spanging helmet and runs for the hills*
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 14:04, 5 replies)
Since this QOTW is really dragging now
Can I suggest that we don't start the race for last post as it upsets people. Got that? No race for last post.

Good glad we all understand.
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 14:03, 2 replies)
sigh, if we are doing names
opens the book "Potty, Fartwell and Knob"

All true names

sitting comfortably? then we shall begin.

Ahem . . .

Dick Itchcock
Charity Clap
Sarah Fuckwell
Dick Eater
Mary Allcunt
Fanny Boob
Merrie Leper
Violet Trunks
Mary Sanus
Horatio Finer Balls Balls
Thomas Fukup

edit: Have some more

Patrick Mandible
Caractacus L Habakkuk
Willy Titcock
James Bottom Bottom Bottom
Isabella Anal
Fanny Fister
Dick Muncher
Farty Gladwish
Jane Fat Bacon
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 14:01, 3 replies)
girls at school
Aside from the usual bunch of trogolodytes, there was a rather fine young filly in the 6th form when I was in the 5th form (year 12, to you state school peeps, I believe). slender curves, dazzling smile, pretty face and the most achingly beautiful brown eyes. Sarah, for that was her name, perfect...aside from one teeny tiny detail.

Her surname was "Cockburn".
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 14:00, Reply)
My Uncles very first girlfriend
Was called Teresa Green.

I thought this was bullshit, right up until Christmas last year when I went to a family party.

The Green family were all there, including my Uncle's ex - Teresa.
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:57, 2 replies)
overheard at work, just now, in the kitchen
"My lettuce has gone rubbish - it's a bit brown. I'm having to dig around inside it to find something edible."

I then had to explain to someone else why I was laughing so much.
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:57, Reply)
While travelling Japan
I came across a hostelry that had been built using funds supplied by the United Nations. It was part of some kind of East-meets-West peace initiative... a place for weary Japanese travellers to stay, where they could learn a bit about Western culture.

I only discovered this when I asked the manager about how he could have afforded to build such a place. His reply?

Occidental Inn? U.N dough...
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:56, Reply)
Since we're on names now
Council worker in my home town:

Gaye Search.
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:49, Reply)
I went to school with a lad...
...who's surname was Blewitt!!

Always sounded wrong.
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:47, 1 reply)
In my last job
I had a female colleague called ******** Titt and on the same floor, a German male colleague called ****** Wanke.

Everyone in the office wanted them to get married, just for the double-barrelled surname potential.
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:36, Reply)
we had a print technician....
at college called Willie Dick
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:30, 2 replies)
Pearoast but I like it...
I used to go to uni with a walking innuendo, her name was Sarah Cockhead
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:25, Reply)
Work Mate
I used to work with a girl, in our London office, whose name was Joy Hole.

Absolutely true.
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:22, 1 reply)
tweebianmonkey Reminded me. Even though I'll get no clicks this late...
I used to be a rower. I still believe the plural of cox is cox' and not coxes. Like how you don't say dices. (Unless you're conjugating espanish)

A parents group was on a tour and enquired as to the roles played by some members of the school team- myself and a couple of the scrawny lads who would steer the boat.
My reply?

"I stroke, they're cox'"

Perhaps not entirely unintentional but it was worth it.
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:18, 1 reply)
that reminds me...
...i had a girlfriend when i was smaller, and for a good few years i didn't know their family secret.

Her surname was Co'aday. Nothing untoward at all. Until i found that the ' was a replacement for "ck" - changed as her elder sisters were mercilessly teased at school for liking a cockaday.

The potential for innuendo was simply too large for my mental orifice to get in and hang on to.
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:17, Reply)
This just in
Professor Kenny Martin, reporting live from the scene of an innuendo that happened a few minutes ago.

One of the trainers where I work is leaving tomorrow, so today we all ordered pizza and stuff from the takeout place over the road for a bit of a leaving lunch. Someone brought in a 2 litre bottle of coke, but told the woman who's leaving (a rather prim late 40s woman) that she wasn't allowed any, because of the enormous belches that invariably follow (ok, so not that prim).

Anyway, after much jovial banter about the belches etc, she announced to the room at large

"I'm going to have a drink of coke, and blow you"

Steady on love, you're a colleague but I didn't think we were that close!
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:17, Reply)
Road in South Yorkshire
There is a road called ButtHole Road in Rotherham. Had a guffaw when I seen that one...postman must crack up everytime he sees it.
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:13, 2 replies)
Height of maturity
Theres a pub near me called 'The Fighting Cocks'. Still makes me chuckle and the sad thing is im 23

*Just remebered, whilst at a Thai resturant for my sisters birthday, the waiter was handing out dishes and asked my brother in law if he wanted some more plates 'shoved up his end'. Looked fairly pissed off as i spent the rest of the evening laughing at him
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:06, Reply)
I spent most of last week..
..playing croquet with a guy called Max Beaver.

Edit: His dad is Roger and his sister is known as Lezzie.
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:04, 1 reply)
big hills
I once told my mum that I was off to fly my kite and that I was going to do it up the devils arse!!!

She didn't hear the kite bit and so thought I was going to do Satan up the bum. Oh how we laughed!!!!

Note: this story may not be true but I really did walk up to the devils arse once!

www.peakcavern.co.uk/
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 12:55, 1 reply)
Panini stickers
oh what fun we had with David Seaman and Ralph Minge.

The less said about Steffan Kuntz the better
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 12:55, 1 reply)
When Playing with my Wii
I substituted my Wiimote for a branded female deer, but she quickly found her way up my arse. That's an unintended Nintendo in the end doe.
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 12:50, Reply)
a vicar of an acquaintance
apparently had a woman come to arrange to be married. he got out the book and asked for her name
"mycock", she said and he wrote it down, whilst secretly thinking "lucky she's getting married then"
then he asked for the name of her intended
...
"hiscock"
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 12:45, Reply)
A friend of a friend
Was called Euan Kerr.
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 12:35, 15 replies)
My dad was locked in the shed once
I busted the door open with an axe and accidentally smacked him in the teeth! And then the teeth flew out of his mouth and bit him in the arse!

Talk about axey dental in-your-end-D'oh!
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 12:34, 2 replies)
MrC reminded me
I was browsing this website called literotica and there were loads of references to throbbing members and heaving mounds, some of the pages even contained the word cock and spurting hot streams of jizz. I mean, how did they not spot that!

Unbelievable!
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 12:30, Reply)
Yay
First!!..wait.

oh crap
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 12:26, Reply)
At school
there was a boy called Kevin Jizztits.

Imagine be called that! Kevin!
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 12:24, Reply)
just remembered
I'm sure this has already been posted but just in case, akthjough I dont think it was accidental.

Sign outside a bar in New Orleans
"Poker in the Rear, Liquor in the Front"

Snigger. Sound a bit like anal sex and cunninglingus
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 12:18, 2 replies)

This question is now closed.

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