Hammer it
Having 3 kids with no real sense of fear or coordination (They get this from their mother) means that I have had a couple of trips to the A & E in Barnsley. I thought that I would start off with the incident when my wife gave birth to my daughter.

My daughter is the middle child and previous experience with my wife whilst she was in labour with my eldest meant that I was expected to turn up and sit in the background staying quiet and well away from the missus as any offer to hold her hand etc etc would be rebutted with some expletive and a comment on how it was my fault for her being in pregnant in the first place (Partially true she also wanted a kid, but I don’t think that the right time to be pedantic is when she’s trying to give birth).

Anywhoo we were in the labour ward listening to some nutcase in the room next door attempt to give birth while sounding like Darth Vader when I noticed something. Since my last trip to the hospital they had installed touch screen panels to each of the beds with the ability to surf the internet, make calls etc etc but only if you bought an appropriate top up card from the reception area.

While the nurses got my wife the stuff needed to give birth and ran on to check on lord Vader next door I stated to bugger around with the panel and realised that even though surfing the internet was impossible without a card the system allowed you to go onto the bbc website.

While keeping one eye on my wife I then read up most of the stories of the day and sports articles (Labour is a boring process when you are a bloke who has a wife that wants nothing to do with you). Eventually I got bored with the news and decided to see if the site let me access other BBC websites. My little fun was interrupted by the nurse said "Excuse me Mr Bison but I think it would be better to stop playing with Bob the Builder and come over here, your wife is about to start pushing".

In my defence this was back when me and my eldest were playing the game daily and we were trying to beat each others score on the CBeebies flash game.

The wife has never let me live this down and will always like to bring it up every so often.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Mon 15 Mar 2010, 12:01, Reply)