Long long ago in a city far far away...
I was sitting in a hospital room with Nurse Ratched as she was in labor with our daughter. So far all was going smoothly- I had gotten us there with a minimum of fuss, they checked on the baby and all was fine, and we were waiting for her to be dilated enough for fun things to start happening- and there was a knock at the door.

In walked the doctor. He was short, very tubby to the point of looking like a bowling pin, with a white monk's fringe around a shiny bald head. He smiled at us and in a Midwestern drawl said, "Hewwo."

It turned out that he was a doctor that Nurse Ratched sometimes worked with, so he agreed that it would be more appropriate to have someone else attend her and exited the room. I kept a straight face until the door closed, then the first giggle hit.

"What?" my wife demanded.

"Sshhh. Be vewy vewy quiet. She's having a baby! Huhuhhuuhuh."

The Evil Glare of Death began emanating from the bed.

I pointed at her belly. "Wook! Contwactions! Huhuhuhuhuh."

"Goddammit, Paul-"

I bent and addressed her crotch. "Oooohh, you wascally baby! Come out of thewe!"

If she could have gotten out of that bed she would have killed me. I stood there pissing myself laughing as the torrent of obscenities and abuse poured out of the bed, tears of mirth streaming down my face as the next doctor arrived.

She never forgave me for that...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 15 Mar 2010, 13:57, 6 replies)

if it's any consolation
i'd have done exactly the same!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Mar 2010, 13:59, closed)

Which part?
Mimicking Elmer Fudd or threatening to kill me?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 15 Mar 2010, 14:06, closed)

Both you mad bastard.
Have a click.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 15 Mar 2010, 14:13, closed)

as i'm never going to be in your wife's situation
i'll stick to the elmer impression!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Mar 2010, 16:06, closed)

That
Is exactly what I would do. Which may explain why I am very much single.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 15 Mar 2010, 14:17, closed)

Should've asked him
"Eh, what's up Doc?"
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 17 Mar 2010, 19:23, closed)