Bikes! Kerbs! Doctors! Gothic!
I have had excellent service and terrible service from the NHS. The birth of my son and the aftercare was appalling. When he had a kidney op at six months the lack of aftercare almost killed him.

However, on the whole, the NHS is an excellent institution and something we should be proud of (although there is, in my uninformed opinion, too much fiddling and too much management).

I came off my pushbike in July 2006. Lost my back wheel, over-corrected, hit a kerb at a very oblique angle (doing about 25mph) nose-dived into the floor and hurt myself.

Now, the first I knew of the accident was when I hit my knee. I thought, a la Kenneth Williams, "Ooh, this is a big one" and then felt my shoulder hit the ground, before my (helmet-less) head crunched into a wall. I had no idea idea at all I'd hurt my arms until I stood up. To this day I don't know exactly how I rose as my hands were both dangling, limp and useless, and seemingly disconnected from my forearms.

I requested help from a lady at the nearby bus-stop. SHe tried to oblige but unfortunately was unable to work my phone. I couldn't point out the right buttons owing to my hands being useless. I attracted the attention of a biker, called work, then my wife, then an ambulance before sitting on a wall, waiting, and feeling myself shake at the shock of it all. I was perfectly clear-headed, but could just feel my body reacting. One of my major concerns was that my wife was 6 months pregnant and we had a sofa arriving that day, which i would be expecting to install.

The paramedics arrived and told me I may have broken something. I thanked them for their perspicacity and demanded morphine. They asked me to wait. I discussed football with them. One had the misfortune to be a Derby fan so there was a bit of good natured banter.

When I got to hospital there were a few minor arguments (mainly because other patients were distressing me by being mad and I am, although very friendly and happy in general, a grouchy, aggressive bastard when things aren't going well for me). The specialist came and told me I'd shattered everything in both wrists and needed surgery.

I was fortunate enough to have surgery the same day, the nurses were kind and generous with morphine and I discharged myself the next day.

I didn't have a shit for 4 days, and when I did, wiping my arse was excrutiating.

I am now the proud owner of suicide-esque scars, but at least my hands work. Well done NHS. Also, and importantly, the paramedc even walked my bike 500 yards home as I had no lock.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 15 Mar 2010, 15:52, 2 replies)

I had no idea the NHS was employing Derby fans now
Surely it would be quicker to import and train monkeys?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 8:41, closed)

Apparently some of them are sentient
unless I was hallucinating through pain.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 16 Mar 2010, 8:46, closed)