Zombies, paranoia and dogs on wheels.
I used to share a flat with a very good friend of mine, who we shall refer to as JP, for they were his initials. It was mid 90s so the playstation was our main source of entertainment. Now JP loved playing the "Resident Evil" games, but I could never fathom out why, as he was (and still is) one of the jumpiest, twitchiest mo-fos I've ever met. Many an evening I'd have retired to my room to hear JP's weeping from the living room as yet another zombie dog had leapt through plate glass and ate his face. In the game that is.

So, being the kind, warm-hearted kind of guy I am, one particular evening as JP was popping to the loo mid-zombie hunting, I wished him a good night as I was going off to bed. BUT. I did not go to bed. I instead hid behind the sofa. And waited. And he came back, sat on the sofa, and continued playing the game. And I waited. And about twenty minutes later, as the game was becoming particularly tense, I slowly rose from the behind the sofa with that low zombie moan sound that means they want braaaaaiiiinnnssssss.

He jumped, in fact, I swear to this day he actually rose two feet clear above the chair, hovered briefly, before diving across the room, controller flying and leads tangling, screaming like a girl.

This reaction set me off on a course of making him jumpy and paranoid at every available opportunity throughput the years, much to my amusement: lots and lots of sneaking up on him unawares; leaving him wrapped around various items whilst sleeping (e.g. one of those push along toy dogs on wheels you'd get in the 70s); helpful answer phone messages such as "Behind you!" and "Did you leave the iron on?"; patiently waiting inches from his face so he'd wake up to me staring at him; whispering his name via a baby monitor whilst he slept to freak him the fuck out. You know, the usual.

For the rest of our time sharing that flat he would always check behind the sofa before sitting down. I suspect he still does it now despite me living 200 miles away.
( paulieg La, la, la, not listening, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 14:34, 5 replies)

Call me 'Captain deja Vu'
but didn't you post this earlier? then delete it? Then repost it again?

There is an 'edit function you know ;)
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 14:44, closed)

Okay
You're Captain deja Vu.


See comment below from the victim :)
( paulieg La, la, la, not listening, Wed 18 Jan 2012, 10:51, closed)

I'm JP - bless him, Paulieg removed it because he thought it might be too cruel a story. In comparison to the actual act of making me shit my breeks, merely talking about is nowt. I told him to put it back.
(scunnydelight, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 15:24, closed)

this is pure brilliance.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 16:12, closed)

Awesome!

( user_names_suck, Sat 14 Jan 2012, 15:18, closed)